Why Do We Do What We Do?

22 Jan

Bisexuality has been exploding all over WordPress in the last week, with many different takes and views as being in the middle takes more of a center stage.  But underneath all of the descriptions and subsets, there lies a rather simple question that can be asked… but one that’s not so easy to answer:

Why do we do what we do?

So one could easily go back to Shalynne’s thirteen types and see how one may act in this (or not) but it’s my belief that if society’s trying to figure out bisexuals, they shouldn’t look at what they’re doing – it needs to look at why it’s being done, what would make someone who’s been straight decide to straddle the line between heterosexuality and homosexuality.

A lot of guys might say, in response to this question, that they tried it and liked it; some may respond that they had few sexual options when dealing with women or that being in a near-sexless relationship with a woman has forced them to take an unusual step to the side and, instead of cheating with another woman, goes for that option that could easily get them what they want.  In this, it’s not necessarily emotional intimacy he’d be looking for when he decides to give man-sex a shot – it’s just for the purpose of having that physical release and without all the muss and fuss a woman can bring to the table.

Some guys would respond by saying that early on in their lives, they just knew that they liked both boys and girls, feeling the tug of attraction from either gender and that being in the middle of the road just makes sense to them.  Some guys would respond by saying that they’ve pretty much done every sexual thing they can with a woman and while it’s quite satisfying, stepping across the line is something that, sexually, just makes sense because for them it’ll be a new and different way to get his rocks off.

For the men who absolutely just love men as they would a woman, it’s all about the deeper emotions that lust, all by itself, can’t provide.  While some bisexuals feel the emotional pull toward women and the sexual pull toward men, these men do what they do because for them, that pull is quite equal for them and without preference.  What I find unique about these men is that they may or may not indulge in any actual sex because just feeling the way they do is emotionally satisfying all on its own.

Some might answer the question with a question of their own:  Why not?  They do it just because it can be done and for no other reason or motive outside of being able to get their cookies crushed and by any means necessary.  They do it to buck the system, as it were, given that as youngsters, we’re all taught that having any intimate dealings with another guy is a bad thing and, well, instead of it being the warning it’s intended to be, it turns into a license to do the exact opposite.

We know that some guys do it when they’ve had their inhibitions lowered or even when they’ve been subjected to some sort of emotional shock or stress; under ‘normal’ circumstances, being involved with another man outside of just being friends with him would be the last thing on their minds but in certain instances, they’re vulnerable, open to suggestion, pliable, and even willing to take that plunge without any thought about the consequences of their actions until after the fact and even then it may not cause them any consternation because they are fully aware that when they’re in this condition, they’re just doing something that their inhibitions, when fully in place, won’t allow them to do.

One guy personally told me that when he gets juiced and throws down like this, he feels free and unrestrained, the direct opposite of what he feels when he’s sober; he also told me that because he knows this happens to him a lot, it bothers him… but in a lot of other ways, it doesn’t.  I remember saying to him, “Well, if you know that when you’ve had a few that you’re gonna behave like this – and it bothers you that you do – why don’t you stop drinking or don’t drink so much that will put you in that space?”

His answer was simple: “Because I like to drink and I think I do it just so can I have sex with another dude…”

Which brings us to the ‘obvious’ why:  The sex itself.  I know guys who won’t fuck and/or suck per their preferences but what’s not to like about having someone willing to jerk you off or suck you off or let you cum in their ass and without a lot of fussing about it?  This is the only thing that you can do that literally puts you in the same position that women find themselves in and, perhaps, because it allows them to really get in touch with their feminine side… but without that perceived loss of masculinity most men greatly fear.  I’d have to say that I don’t know a single man who doesn’t like busting a nut and that, all by itself, is more than enough reason for us to do what we do.

Some would respond by saying that in their minds, the lines between sexuality are starting to blur, that the lines that once so clearly divided us all are slowly being erased and because they no longer matter, not like they use to, because all the possible sex aside, it’s really about doing that which makes a person happy in their life and the sex – any sex – is that extra pat of butter on one’s pancakes that’ll make the whole stack so much more enjoyable and delicious.

The whys of it all can run extremely deep and so deep that trying to put it all into words is damned near impossible and, at times, so complex that it defies understanding… even if we’re trying to understand ourselves.  It reminds me of a moment in my life where I messed up something that belonged to my mother – and got busted for it; when she asked me why I did it, all I could say was, “I don’t know…” which, actually, was a lie because I did know why I messed it up… but I didn’t know how to explain it, how to get the reason which was firmly in my mind out of my thoughts and into words.

Being bisexual can be like this, too; you know why you’re doing what you’re doing but it’s so hard to explain it which is probably why it’s easier to look at what we do and the way we do it in order to come up with those thirteen types as we attempt to quantify and qualify bisexuality.

Why do we do what we do?  Because we can… because we want to… because we have to… because we were born with the innate ability to go both ways so why not…


Posted by on 22 January 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

8 responses to “Why Do We Do What We Do?

  1. biwifelifeandbiwivesclub

    23 January 2014 at 01:50

    Loooooooove it! The male perspective is so valuable in this big bi boom!


    • kdaddy23

      23 January 2014 at 01:51

      I’m glad you enjoyed my take on things!


      • biwifelifeandbiwivesclub

        23 January 2014 at 02:00

        Yessir! We need more bold men to tell it like it is about Bisexuality. Gay men are so outspoken, bi men aren’t


      • kdaddy23

        23 January 2014 at 02:17

        Well, I’m about as outspoken as they come; I talk about being bi, I share my experiences, and I don’t pull many punches when I do it. Feel free to read my other stuff about bisexuality and feel equally free to comment and question, okay?


      • biwifelifeandbiwivesclub

        23 January 2014 at 02:38

        Thanks for the invite! Will do as time permits.
        Great making a connection with you. Feel free to do the same over in BiWifeLife. We always welcome husbands, biwife supporters & friends 😀


  2. biwifelifeandbiwivesclub

    23 January 2014 at 01:50

    Reblogged this on BiWifeLife and The BiWivesClub and commented:
    The male perspective…


  3. Heidi Copeman

    23 January 2014 at 09:17

    Quite frankly, I think this is the best piece on bisexuality that I have ever read. Even the bisexuals I know in real life, face-to-face can’t explain themselves as succinctly as you put that.

    In the end, does it matter WHY. Shouldn’t ‘because I like it’ be enough?


    • kdaddy23

      23 January 2014 at 11:52

      Welcome, Heidi, and thank you for your wonderful comment! “Because I like it” should be a good enough answer and it is for most bisexuals. Still, we – our society and perhaps the world at large – are trying to understand this better since, as I’ve said, people have been either straight or gay… but because of low visibility over the years (and until now) bisexuals were really thought not to exist. Now that it’s been admitted that we do exist, everyone’s scrambling to make sense of a subset of sexuality that, until now, only bisexuals really understood – and some bisexuals don’t really understand why they are they way they are.

      So I do what I can to help others make some sense of it!



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