A few bloggers have written pieces referencing a piece written in The Huffington Post by Kathryn Lamble – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathryn-lamble/the-big-b_b_4623425.html – where she questions bisexuality in ways that, after reading this for myself, makes me roll my eyes in utter disbelief because, with respect to her, she’s just adding fuel to a fire that, perhaps, shouldn’t have been started in the first place. She opines about bisexuals coming out and asks why it’s so hard to do this, points out the ongoing angst that gays have for bisexuals, pitches a bitch about the human tendency to label things, and a few other things that just makes me wonder what planet she came from.
I’ve been paying attention to all the riffing going on about being bi, noting that a lot of the noise is coming from some gay faction that insists that we can’t be for real, that our sexuality is just a waypoint on the road to total gayness and their viewpoint is so narrow it isn’t funny… but I can remember a time when straight people didn’t believe that gays existed and took up ‘arms’ against homosexuals because from their point of view, if you weren’t straight – read this as if you ain’t with us – then you were an abomination – read this as you’re against us.
Any of this sounding familiar? It should because this is how humans behave about anything that isn’t like them – it’s where we get prejudice from and our history is rife with examples so that, today, this prejudice has now landed on bisexuals shouldn’t surprise anyone – it certainly doesn’t surprise me.
Why can’t bisexuals just be accepted? As Ms. Lamble pointed out, bisexuals appear to upset the status quo which has been, for the longest time, you were either straight or gay – and that’s after being gay was finally accepted as a legit sexual orientation. But it stands to reason that bisexuals have been around for quite some time even if they were forced into hiding and more so since homosexuality was once seen as a mental illness and people were actually lobotomized in the attempt to cure them. So it doesn’t really surprise me that bisexuals wanted to remain under the radar because, as we see today, it’s just too easy to assume that a bisexual is really gay and needed to be cured. Indeed, did we not see, in our recent history, a rash of attempts to cure homosexuals of their perversion and, more often than not, with really devastating effects?
Okay, labels. Is it hard to understand that one of the biggest insults you can lay on a person is to call them something that they know they aren’t? This is an old argument against labels, of course, because while there are people today who’d be quite happy if the world wasn’t sticking labels on them, labeling has always been a part of our existence, for better or for worse. So to the question of why bisexuals find it so hard to come out, the answer’s kinda easy: No bisexual wants to be labeled as being gay and they certainly don’t want to face the same persecution that gays have had to suffer because of misidentification.
It seems to me that this, ah, labeling issue is a good reason for bisexuals to be hesitant about coming out, huh? It also seems to me that this latest riffing is suggesting that if you’re a bisexual and you’re not out in the open, then you don’t really exist; you’re invisible, a non-entity… and if that doesn’t sound like some incredibly stupid and ignorant thinking, I don’t know what else would qualify as such. Here we go: Why are there straight-acting gays? Does the fact that they’re hiding under the guise of being straight mean that they’re not gay and because they’re faking this particular funk, they don’t exist and are doing their best to be invisible?
Methinks if this was mentioned to a straight-acting gay, some fecal matter would be hitting the fan and simply because it’s an insult to them even though they’re perpetrating a fraud. Ah, but just because they act straight – and who would really blame them other than other gays – does that invalidate the fact that they’re still quite gay? No, it doesn’t – how could it?
I’m not sure of what Ms. Lamble’s point is with her article and it really and seriously makes me want to find out how I can write something in The Huffington Post about being bisexual although, with the way I tend to write and rant, that might become a series of articles and even then my take on things might not get a warm reception because I wouldn’t hesitate to point out how totally ridiculous it is to think that bisexuality is anything other than what it is and what it’s always been.
What did Sherlock Holmes say? “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth…” It’s impossible that bisexuals don’t exist because at the simplest of levels, I know that I exist and if I can accept the truth of my sexuality, why is it so damned difficult for others to accept this truth? Or perhaps Occam’s Razor can be used – the simplest answer is preferred over the more complex one, to simplify the actual definition. It’s pretty simple: Bisexuals aren’t straight and they’re not gay – we are in the middle of the two extremes. Anything else suggests that there is no mid point… and that’s impossible because it’s not the truth. If you accept the Kinsey Scale as a matter of fact – and there are those who are attempting to prove the Kinseys wrong on this one – then just looking at the scale tells you that there’s a middle ground – and that’s where bisexuals hang out at.
All this riffing about bisexuals only serves to overly complicate something that, at least to me, isn’t all that complicated. When you toss in all the talk about the gender binary versus gender identity and then add in some extra confusion about whether or not bisexuals are attracted to gender or to just a person, wow, man, talk about an intellectual clusterfuck!
Okay, to finalize, we exist. We may or may not come out. We’re not in denial about really being gay. We like men and women, maybe not equally, but in whatever way works for us and this liking could be gender-based or more selective at the personal level. We could have a deeper emotional liking for men and women or we could just love the sex that can be had.