Bi Erasure? Seriously?

05 Feb

As usual, I hit the reader once I got on WordPress and ran across this blog – – and the title alone was enough to start me reading.

I like what the author had to say about this but if you follow the URL, I want to call your attention to the Tumblr thingy she added to her blog, the part where whoever wrote the thing says that being bisexual gives you the privilege of being seen as straight… and my head snapped back so hard I heard my neck crack at the sheer absurdity of such a statement.  This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this erasure and it seems to me that some movement or whatever – I just can’t think of a proper word – is saying some shit that offers to remove bisexuality as a sexual orientation.

If this sounds crazy to you, join the party.  I can sit here and think forward in time a little – as well as taking a look backward – and see where the lines that were drawn in the sexuality sand are starting to be… less defined.  Indeed, one of the things that use to give me a small case of the giggles was discovering there were straight-acting gay men and women and, given the way our society behaves, that these people would strive to appear straight actually made sense and more so when the more, ah, flamboyant gays were getting the kind of attention they’d rather not have.  My thoughts at the time I ‘discovered’ this was, okay, fine – you do what you gotta do to get by in a world that prefers that everyone be straight.

This erasure thing, in my opinion, is just one more attempt to say that bisexuals don’t exist, a sentiment that you all know I think is about as crazy as anything can be.  It insists that we’re hiding behind some sort of privilege to be straight and I just have no idea where such a ridiculous thought could come from.  At least from where I’m sitting, when I’m not doing anything on the other side of the fence, I’m not behaving any different from a legit straight person and if this is true for me – and, duh, it is – it’s also true for other bisexuals; unlike gays, our sexuality isn’t static – we don’t adopt any gay behaviors unless we want or need to so when we’re not doing it, we are in our default behavior… which happens to be straight unless, of course, we happen to be in a relationship with someone who’s the same sex as we are… but that doesn’t mean that we’re gay even though the assumption is that if you’re a guy and in a relationship with another guy, um, you must be gay, a sentiment that doesn’t take into account that someone in this relationship is, in fact, bisexual.

This erasure thing, if being seen as a privilege, assumes that such a privilege can be taken away… and I have no idea how that’s possible and more so since I wasn’t aware that being straight was a privilege to begin with; you are either straight or you aren’t.  It assumes, under the guise of being a privilege, that your right to be the person you are can be taken away from you, like losing your driver’s license for too many DUI charges.  But it continues to seem to me that some gay faction, that group that sees reason not to like bisexuals, is doing their level best to make us go away… and that’s never gonna happen.  As I’ve said in some of the other things I’ve written, it’s like this faction is trying to make their problems our problems and, let’s face it, despite a lot of the things that have taken place in favor of gays, they still face a shitload of social problems… and problems that bisexuals don’t have to deal with… because we don’t want to deal with them.

I’m sure they’d be happy if every bisexual on the planet just upped and announced to the world, “Okay, we’re gay – are you happy now?”  Except it’s my opinion that no bisexual in their right mind would confess to being something that they know – and have proven to themselves – isn’t the truth where they are concerned; I know I wouldn’t do it and, as usual, I say this without any offense meant to gay people.  I made my choice in this too many years ago and unless I choose to change it – and I don’t see a reason why I should – trying to erase the fact that I’m bisexual just doesn’t make sense… so why keep trying to act as if we don’t really exist?  Why busts our asses because we have this duality about us that allows us to live in the straight world without a ton of shit being hurled our way?

Is this misery loving company?  Probably.  Is acting straight some sort of privilege?  You gotta be fucking kidding me, right?  Is our identity as bisexuals being rubbed out because someone makes an assumption that we’re straight?  Is this for real?  I can have a conversation with someone, oh, let’s say, about politics, and during the whole conversation – and no matter how it goes – the person I’m talking to has no idea that I’m bisexual and if they assume that I’m straight – and I’m not sure how this thought would even get into their heads but it must be possible – not only would they be wrong but they’re doubly wrong for making such an assumption in the first place.  Oh, and by the way, because they thought wrong, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m bisexual, does it?

Sheesh, this is so insane!  I am bisexual; I have pretty much always been bisexual and until the day I die, I will continue to be bisexual and nothing anyone can say or do is going to make this fact about me go away as if it never existed; I’m not going to accept some kind of ‘punishment’ because I’m not 100% straight or gay; I’m not going to accept the ongoing harassment gay men and women continue to face because their problems are not my problems and it’s not my fault – or the fault of other bisexuals – that they cannot accept the fact that unless we’re doing something on the other side of the fence, we are, for all intents and purposes, straight.



Posted by on 5 February 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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2 responses to “Bi Erasure? Seriously?

  1. disconcerted72

    5 February 2014 at 14:38

    You know, you and I recently had a discussion about sexuality versus personality and I think this topic is directly related to just that. I think personality characteristics are just that – and although sexuality, is a part of a person’s identity, it has the ability to be free from his/her personality. I know for me, I am a very masculine and straight “acting” man in public, but it’s not that I’m acting…it’s who I am. But I really enjoy that behind closed doors and in the bedroom, I’m much more fluid. I value all that is me and I think most bisexuals do the same.

    Now, that isn’t always the case, because I think that there are times in our lives when we struggle with who we are and that adolescence is a vary important time for people to develop who/what they are and it involves the process of understanding themselves. For those that are lucky enough (and I use that phrase for lack of a better one) to understand themselves early in life, it is a much easier understanding. Then there are people like me, subjected to the constraints of society that eventually comes to grips with the reality and accept themselves late in life.

    I’m me….being bisexual is merely one aspect of me.


    • kdaddy23

      5 February 2014 at 15:06

      Exactly! So how it is possible that your individuality can be erased? What, just because you don’t want to put all of your sexuality on public display means you’re faking the funk? Taking advantage of some “privilege?” I know that my sexuality and personality are integrated and inseparable… so why is some faction trying to separate who I am from what I am? Not only do I think it can’t be done, I wouldn’t allow it to be done because, as you say, being bisexual is just one facet of my existence.



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