After “The Shower”

07 Feb

An hour or so after the events of “The Shower,” I was happy, sated, and somewhat disturbed because I had broken my word to myself about being fucked and even more disturbed that even before this happened, I had broken my word to myself about fucking another guy, having gotten it into my head many years before that I wasn’t going to do something to another guy that I didn’t want done to me… yet, with this guy, I did just that… and, no, not without it bothering me to the point where I spent a bit of time trying to figure out why I changed my mind about it after so many years of avoiding any kind of butt play.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that the difference was the guy and his ‘ability’ to reach down and touch a part of me that had gone untouched for quite some time.  When he first suggested that I get off by fucking him, god, I was so conflicted in that moment, caught up between my promise to myself and that very strong need to have that good release.  Yeah, I could have said no to his suggestion and then just jerk myself off… but there was something about the way he said it that made me think, well, okay… I can do this without having to penetrate him and that’s not really breaking my promise… is it?

So when he requested penetration, I almost didn’t hesitate – there was that voice in my head reminding me of what I said about doing this and, yeah, I didn’t pay any more attention to the voice as I slid my dick into his ass and, really, made both of us happy.  As I mentioned in “The Shower,” I never gave any thought to asking him to fuck me so when he did ask I was surprised even as the voice in my head asked, “Have you lost your mind?  What are you doing?”  And, yep, sure enough, the voice went silent as he pushed himself into me; it was like riding the proverbial bike, something you never really forget how to do no matter how long its been since you last did it… and, yeah, it felt so good.

So I sat and thought, still kinda pissed with myself even though I had reasoned my behavior out that being, at the least, that you really can change your mind about things when the right person is involved and that changing your mind about stuff doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.  It made me sit and wonder for a while whether or not having his cock in my ass was going to significantly change the dynamic we had previous established… and then I realized that I actually didn’t give a damn if it did; if, going forward, he wanted to fuck me, I was going to be good with it.

Being honest, it really did feel good to feel him in my ass, all nice and hard and his thickness giving me that familiar-but-hated discomfort; likewise, when he came inside me, I had to admit to myself that not only did it feel good but it was a feeling I missed, a feeling that before I gave up being fucked I used to really look forward to so in a lot of ways, what happened in the shower took me back to my younger days… and in a nice way.

But the next three times we hooked up, it was back to the same routine:  I’d suck him off, spill my spunk into his ass, then suck him off again if time allowed it.  I was kinda disappointed that he didn’t want to do what he did in the shower but, at the same time, it didn’t matter because I was happy doing what I was doing to him and he was happy about it, too, a sentiment he shared with me later.  He told me that while he did like fucking me, he liked it better when he was on the receiving end and that he hoped that his decision in this didn’t upset me or anything.  I truthfully told him that it did and even why it did… but just like I had said to him in the beginning, I wasn’t going to make him do anything he didn’t want to do and, besides, we were having so much fun without him having to fuck me.

This thing with him was a sharp reminder that, sometimes, doing a thing was more about the person you’re gonna do it with more than the thing itself or, with the right person, one can change their mind about something they were previously dead set against… and, yeah, it was something I had forgotten and a point that became even more evident the day he decided he was going to suck my dick.

Damn, it was such an unexpected thing and so much that when I felt his lips on my dick, I almost lost my load – what was he doing?  Didn’t he tell me that he didn’t think he could do that?  Yeah, he did… but there he was, kissing my cock, tentatively running his tongue up and down my shaft and in such a way that I almost forgot I had his dick in my mouth – he had effectively broken my concentration.  I had to stop sucking him so I could concentrate on not giving him a spermy surprise, which was difficult; he slurped my knob into his mouth and his tongue played with it and in that inexperienced way I have always found horribly exciting.  I was fighting with myself to be as still as possible and to not cum; I even managed to find my voice long enough to tell him that if he kept going, I wasn’t gonna be able to hold back; he just nodded that he understood and kept going until – and this is just a guess on my part – that he figured he had pushed the envelope far enough and stopped.

I looked at him and found myself unable to say anything; I know I was smiling and I could see that he was, too, before he said, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna be…”  Hah, easy for him to say, right?  But I did understand it although it wouldn’t be until he’d left me that I would understand that the same thing that happened with me that got his cock in my ass allowed him to change his mind and do the one thing he said he didn’t think he could do.

But even that change didn’t really do much to change things between us.  Sure, he would occasionally suck on me, getting a bit bolder with how he did it and even fucking with me to see just how long he could torture me before I would give him the warning; I remember telling him that he was gonna do that and he was gonna get a mouthful before I could warn him; all he said was, “I don’t think I’d like that… but if it happens, it just happens.”

For me, it was the ultimate sexual relationship with a guy and one where boundaries were breached on both sides.  And while we were never in love with other or anything like that, we did have a very special appreciation for each other and one that made our time with each other quite special… and I had forgotten that it could be like that and I realized that I had forgotten it because, when getting with most guys, it was just about being able to get their rocks off and being able to do it the way they wanted to or whatever way they could get away with.  It reminded me just how special it was to give another man his first experience – and then see him go buck-wild with it and even pushing his own limits.

It wasn’t about trying to impress each other or some other stuff that I would run into with other guys as a matter of course; we found a way we could experience sex with each other and just went with it and without any expectations or demands on each other as far as being able to perform was concerned; if one or both of us gave up the sperm ‘too fast’, it wasn’t a big deal; we’d just bask in our release and, if time allowed, just go for it again and if there wasn’t any time, well, there was always another day.

It took a newbie to this kind of sex to remind me what the essence of being bisexual really was, that ability to enjoy whatever sex with another guy and in that uncomplicated way that tends to work the best, that you can experience the same kinds of sexual joys with a dude that can be found in having sex with women… and it was a reminder and even a lesson I very much appreciated having to relearn.  It reminded me to never say never about anything because you never really know what or who might come along that’ll change your mind about something – and when you’re pretty sure that you’d never change your mind.

And then there’s bit of personal pride to give a guy his first time and then seeing him take to it like a duck to water; I just don’t have the words to adequately explain how that makes me feel.  I felt his hesitation right along with his curiosity and need and it did my heart so much good to be able to answer all of his questions about doing it with a guy even though, during that time, it was only about getting his dick sucked… and then it was because he had it in his head that there was something wrong with his cock that girls didn’t like.  Sure, his coming to me may have been out of some form of desperation, you know, you gotta have sex and since women are funny about giving it up, you just gotta do something that jerking off isn’t going to take care of… and this becomes an option that until you’re facing it, you’re just so totally unsure of.

You don’t know if you’re gonna like it, not really sure you can find it within yourself to submit to it… and your mind just says, “Oh, fuck it – it’s better than nothing…” and, in his case – and despite everything I had said to him, wow, you just can’t imagine what it feels like when I saw him thinking about it all… then pulled his pants off so he could be sucked off… and then to be told afterward that I suck dick better than the women he knew.  It’s an ego trip even when such a trip isn’t even necessary… but it served to remind me that there are some guys who truly appreciate the effort and they don’t look at it like something that has to be done and without any thanks.

I move forward to the here and now and it makes me think about those bi guys who feel they have to be in a romantic relationship with another guy in order to have sexual fun with him… and that’s not really the truth and that, if anything, being able to have a sexual relationship with another guy – and right along side one’s relationship with their woman (if they have one) is the more important thing.  It’s not about love… but it is about being so comfortable with a guy you’re having sex with on a near regular basis that whatever barriers one had erected can go by the wayside.

And that shoving those barriers aside can bring much sexual joy and personal satisfaction.  Those of you who have never taken the plunge, eh, you might not really understand this in the way that I do… but with me sharing these thoughts and other things with you, maybe it’ll help your understanding a little… or maybe a lot.  It really is so damned precious and special to see a guy shrug off all the reluctance in having sex with another guy and then see him enjoy himself in it and have zero regrets about having made the decision to experience sex like this.

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Posted by on 7 February 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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