Do you know Rougedmount? Have you read her blog about her plight? I have and my heart goes out to her and those like her… but she said something in one of her latest blogs that just struck me as being a bit odd (http://rougedmount.wordpress.com/2014/02/09/traditional-affair/) that I wanted to do a little writing on and I quote: “…a traditional monogamous type affair…”
Isn’t that odd that a person would take what I’d call a ‘typical’ move toward non-monogamy… and yet would want to be monogamous in this? Rouged, don’t get me wrong – you know how I feel about your situation so I’m not busting your ass about your decision to pursue such a thing – I just found your choice of phrases rather interesting.
Now, it makes sense that someone who has decided to have an affair would want to engage in this with one person that suits their needs; trying to manage multiple ‘partners’ in this tend to be beyond most people’s abilities since we’ve been conditioned to only be involved with one person at a time and, aside from this, trying to have an affair with multiple people involved is just a bit too complicated and, usually, dangerous in the sense that you increase your chances to get busted – and that’s provided whether or not you give a shit if you get caught or not; some folks are aware of the consequences of their actions but if they were to get caught and some shit hit the fan that would dissolve the original relationship, hah, that would be a good thing for the person having the affair – getting busted would do them a huge favor.
But while one may decide to have an affair with someone, would it be a given that the person they’re having the affair with would engage in this… but be monogamous in this? Would this arrangement go south if the person they were having the affair with was having an affair with someone else? Would they be required to stop having this other affair in favor of engaging in a singular, monogamous, non-monogamous event? Is this… requirement a little bit of an oxymoron given that once a person enters into an affair, whatever beliefs they had about being monogamous have already gone out the door – all bets on this are off – and now requiring the person you’re being non-monogamous with to be monogamous just kinda/sorta sounds weird?
What do you think? Is having an affair still a one-on-one proposition just like being in a monogamous relationship is? Is it realistic to say, “I’m gonna do this with him/her and I pray that they’re only gonna do this with me…” Does it even matter as long as they’re willing and able to take care of your needs?
And, Rouged, I do hope that you find someone who does suit your needs and that they’re exclusively yours – again, I just found your phrasing odd and interesting.