Somebody Shoot Me – Please!

23 Feb

Metaphorically speaking, of course but, damn!  I am being sorely reminded of that really odd situation that comes with a head cold:  During the day, you feel damn near human again but when the sun goes down, oh, fuck me, do I feel shitty!  I was saying to Linda the other day that I have no idea why this happens but I suppose I should be grateful that this mess hasn’t migrated to my chest, huh?

Ah, my friends, there’s just nothing like coughing so hard that it makes your nuts hurt (for those of us who have them, of course)!  Which is rather comparable to coughing so hard you actually pull several muscles in the process.  Now, the last time I had a chest cold, my whole fucking body hurt and I felt that all of the punishment I’ve ever been subjected to in fights came back to haunt me… all at the same time – and that was just due to all the coughing I did; I’m pretty sure I coughed up five sets of lungs during that time, and severely bruised my throat, too.  So I’m rather happy not to have to go through that again.

I’ve gone through two boxes of tissues in the last 24 hours and, last night, I had to wash all of my handkerchiefs in a bucket, with plenty of hot water and bleach – our bathroom looked like a white sale after I hung them all up.  I’ve taken enough OTC decongestant to clear the sinuses of most of the people in our building; I’ve taken enough “super-ibuprofen” to probably cure every headache in our building.  I’ve drank so much water that I was sloshing when I walked and, one weird thing with me, when I have a cold, I crave hot liquids; I will get up and crank up the Keurig and make a nice cup of coffee without even thinking about what I’m doing and by the time I realize that I’m about to drink cup #3 or #5 for the day, eh, it’s too late – not gonna waste a K-cup.  I’m thinking chicken soup with a good hit of sriracha before I go to bed – if that doesn’t clear your sinuses, I don’t know what will.

Right now, I am one miserable son of a bitch.  I could feel it coming on while fixing dinner and talking to my mother, who called to see how I was feeling.  I told her I could sense that I am getting better… but I wouldn’t exactly say that I was feeling all that great at the time.  Shit, I didn’t even have to look out of the kitchen window to see it was dark – my head told me and kept reminding me as I watched my box of tissues dwindle.  I’ve washed and/or Purell’d my hands so much it’s a wonder I don’t have dishpan hands.  We have an ages-old joke about the color not rubbing off… but I’m finding that it is possible to wash some of it off…

Zane, our pain-in-the-ass cat, loves to lie on me when I’m sitting in the big leather chair – and she must have known I was sick because she didn’t come anywhere near me until just a little while ago, as if she were saying, “Oh, no, motherfucker – you ain’t getting my ass sick!  Do you, boo – do you; I’ll be way over here, aight?”

I will be so glad when I’m over this.  My nose has filed for divorce and thinking about bringing me up on abuse charges…


Posted by on 23 February 2014 in Life, Living and Loving



4 responses to “Somebody Shoot Me – Please!

  1. Pyx

    23 February 2014 at 23:53

    Oh no… you know it’s bad when even kitty cats won’t take the lap time!

    Interesting about the night and day however, I wonder if it has to with the tide
    though you might not be anywhere near the water, just thinking that sort of thing.

    Still rooting for you to heal quickly my friend


    • kdaddy23

      23 February 2014 at 23:57

      There’s a major river maybe 15 minutes away by care but I don’t think it means much – but at least you thought of something!

      And thank you for rooting for me!


  2. Cinnamon

    24 February 2014 at 07:39

    Awww…. Rob, I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. And I know that every dumbass on the planet has at LEAST 3 or 4 home remedies that they swear by, so I might as well tell you mine. First off, I rarely get sick. And I had a cold last fall; my first in about 4 years, but I think it’s because I do this: If I even suspect that I’m getting a cold, (you know that first little tickle in the throat, or in my case the first little twinge in my eye) I start eating Zinc and Vit C likes they are going to stop making it. Seriously, I know that neither of them is good for you in great quantities, but the body can flush pretty much what it doesn’t need as long as your kidneys and liver are in decent working order. And I swear, the cold passes me by everytime. Well, except for last fall. I did get a doozie. But even then, I took Zicam Ultra every 4 hours and I was only miserable for two days. I know it won’t work for everyone, but it seems to with me.

    Hope you feel better soon !


    • kdaddy23

      24 February 2014 at 13:34

      Thanks, Cinn! This is the first time I’ve had any kind of a cold in years; I usually don’t catch colds but when I do, wow, I guess they play catch-up for all the times I didn’t get sick!



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