Zero Shades of Gray

27 Feb

About an hour ago, I read a blog with the Bisexuality tag where the author went on a rant, essentially saying that there’s no such thing as a bisexual and that people are only straight or homosexual… and I rolled my eyes mightily because, clearly, there are so many people out there in the world who continue to see things in the absolute black and white viewpoint.

It’s amazing how many people continue to hold onto a viewpoint like this when there’s plenty of evidence that contradicts their point of view.  I understand that we all believe in stuff and in whatever way we do… but there was a time when people thought the world was flat until they learned that it wasn’t.  There were people who believed the earth was the center of the universe and everything revolved around it until they learned that they weren’t even close to the truth.  And it was once believed that everyone was heterosexual until it was learned that, um, nope, that’s not even the truth.  It was once believed that humans only had sex for procreation until this, too, was proved to be inaccurate – we have sex simply because we can and it’s a whole lot of fun (most of the time).  At some point in our sexual history, two men figured out that, hey, we can get our rocks off with each other; likewise, two women discovered that they could do a better job of delivering sexual pleasure than men could.

Yet, despite the evidence that exists in the here and now, there are still people who refuse to believe that men can have relationships with each other just as much as women can with each other – and they say that we’re the ones who are confused, that we’re deceiving ourselves into believing that we aren’t what we’ve proven ourselves to be?

The author of the blog I mentioned says that guys who’d rather hang with the fellas than their women are exhibiting homosexual behavior, as if he never heard of the concept of male bonding.  Indeed, within his rant is evidence that he has a very narrow view of sexuality as well as sexual behaviors – he doesn’t seem to believe that a man or a woman could enjoy sex outside of heterosexuality… but they’re not homosexual by default.  Forget Kinsey’s famous scale, which reveals that there are gray areas in human sexuality – oh, like bisexuality, for instance.  Let’s not think about the fact that if heterosexuality is zero and homosexuality is six, there are a lot of other numbers in there that a lot of people just happen to fall into.  Why should we pay attention to the fact that there are people who are expanding Kinsey’s scale beyond mere homosexuality, creating a new upper limit and, thus, more shades of gray?

The world isn’t flat.  The universe doesn’t have the earth at its center.  Bisexuals are very real and none of them are confused about what they are.  Sure, we might question to what extent we are bisexual but there’s little doubt that we are; come one, it’s really not that hard to figure out, right?  Does it go against the status quo?  No, not really, since humans have been displaying these behaviors for a very long time; it just goes against what we’ve been conditioned to believe and the way the majority wants things to go – how’s that been working, by the way?  Not so good?

I get that there are people who firmly believe that bisexuals and homosexuals shouldn’t exist… which, of course, doesn’t change the fact that they do.  You can try to apply whatever methods you care to in order to disprove their existence and, ultimately, they will all fail and if there are people out there who are trying to prove this lack of existence, I say to them that you are the ones who are deceiving yourselves because one of the things we all learn at some point is that life doesn’t do things the way you’d like it to.

Is having a viewpoint of zero shades of gray a matter of belief… or is it ignorance and a form of denial that’s being foisted upon those of us who aren’t straight?  I’m not gonna say that having the belief that anyone that isn’t heterosexual is wrong is, in and of itself, a bad thing – if that’s what you believe, then it’s what you believe but just because you believe it’s wrong only means that you believe it’s wrong – doesn’t mean that bisexuals and homosexuals (and all the other queer folks) don’t exist.

The shades of gray in human sexuality do exist and we are learning that these gray areas are much larger than we previously thought they were.  Open your eyes and your mind and allow yourself to see them; you don’t have to accept them but you should acknowledge that these gray areas do exist and they’ve always existed…


Posted by on 27 February 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , , ,

15 responses to “Zero Shades of Gray

  1. disconcerted72

    27 February 2014 at 16:37

    And yet, there are still people who believe the Earth was created a mere 6,000 years ago…
    Sometimes I think people are going to avoid facts, if those facts don’t fit their agenda. Luckily, the world has intelligent people in it, or else we’d be screwed…
    …and not in the fun way.


    • kdaddy23

      27 February 2014 at 16:40

      Yeah, you’re right… and it just never fails to amaze me that people do such a thing and some of the ways they try to disprove a known and proven fact.


  2. Mystery

    27 February 2014 at 18:36

    I saw a post the other day on my play ground 🙂 where someone said that there was no such thing as bi-sexuality and i thought of you. They were positive that to be bi-sexual was their way of not admiting they were a gay male about some celebrity who came out. And I didn’t indulge in the conversation, I have no leg to stand on really k since I’m straight and couldn’t offer up the information you could. You know 🙂 since you are bi-sexual. Black and white thinking abounds all over. I think they were remiss in assuming that a person was denying being hay, simply because they were attracted to a man and a woman… and that in some way they couldn’t possibly want or desire both sexes, they had to be one or the other. I walked away from the conversation. I figure, they just don’t know and haven’t really delved into it at all. I figured I’d be talking to a wall. 🙂


    • kdaddy23

      27 February 2014 at 21:12

      Hiya, Mystery! Haven’t seen you around for a while! I dunno… I think that if I were just now discovering things about my sexuality, I might – might – seriously question whether I was really gay or not… but I’ve been around for a few, so when I see all these folks insisting that bisexuality isn’t real, that bi people are in denial about really being gay, I can’t help but think, “What a crock of shit…”

      But I think I understand why they think this because, for the longest time, people were either straight or gay – and I can remember when being gay was hard for people to believe – and despite the evidence at hand and despite it being seen as a mental illness. So along come bisexuals – well, not really, because we’ve always been around even though we’ve remained under the radar. More and more people are coming out publicly as being bi and in a world where there were only two sexual extremes – heterosexuality and homosexuality – it makes sense that there are some folks calling bullshit on bisexuals.

      And they shouldn’t. I get that people who have never straddled the fence don’t get why someone would want to; it tickles the hell out of me to hear someone bashing bisexuals and the basher is either straight or gay because in their experiences, how would they know how someone could be comfortable in the middle, just hanging out in the gray area?

      This isn’t just about me being bisexual; nope, this is more about what people think and wondering why they think there’s no gray area in this and, yeah, again, thoughts coming from folks who have never been in the gray area. This is why people just flat out fascinate me, Mystery but the more I learn about them, the more I learn about myself because tolerance isn’t a given – it’s learned. I ask myself if the naysayers could be right… but when I look at myself and my experiences over all of these years, um, no – not confused, not in denial, and I sure as hell exist.


      • Mystery

        28 February 2014 at 05:18

        Now hunneh, I tag you and say hello. I know what you mean though. 🙂 You know, what you’re saying isn’t particularly new, insofar as how people think in black and white or make blanket statements w/o ever looking around, seeking more information or educating themselves on a particular topic. That goes for bi-sexual people, and everything else under the sun a person “could” open their eyes about and be informed about.

        When I was 19/20, I had this boyfriend who everything with him was black and white thinking, our biggest fight (and they were doozies) was that there are gray areas in life and he needed to recognize that.

        Same goes with everything else. If a person hasn’t been exposed to it, nor thought about it, they’re going to have no other reference point. It’s why I left the conversation. I figured I’d be talking to a door. 🙂


  3. Pyx

    27 February 2014 at 19:18

    Do we get a link to this other blog?


    • kdaddy23

      27 February 2014 at 20:47

      I wasn’t going to include it… but since you asked for it, here it is (and a woman wrote it, not a guy):


      • Pyx

        27 February 2014 at 22:46

        thank you … it does matter but I really like to read things for myself.

        and i LOVE it when they give themselves up in the first sentence :

        “I am always amazed at the lies that people tell themselves. Self-deception, is the worst type of falsehood. Once you begin lying to yourself, NO ONE can make you see the truth.”


      • kdaddy23

        27 February 2014 at 22:59

        I apologize, Pyx – it’s been a bad mucus day. Yeah, I read that and said, “Okay, so this is just someone’s uneducated opinion…” and the more I read, the more I rolled my eyes; I would have laughed but I just didn’t feel like it. If one truly believes there’s no such thing as bisexuality, who, exactly, is one practicing self-deception? And it’s not that one is fooling themselves about this… but why are they?


      • Pyx

        27 February 2014 at 23:06

        sorry that should have it said it doesnt matter LOL

        so have you set a date to get this thing checked out – i mean if its not healing on its own and might require some assistance?

        I do hope it starts to get better soon, sounds rough all round.


      • kdaddy23

        27 February 2014 at 23:20

        It is getting better… just not fast enough to make me happy. I don’t get head cold all that often but when I do, they’re a bitch for me to get rid of, even with help from my doctor; last time I had one, he pumped me full of antibiotics and decongestants… and it still hung around for a long time.


  4. Sassy Sarah

    27 February 2014 at 22:33

    One thing I know is People are stupid and you can’t wash off stupid.
    I get why people may not understand being gay or bisexual. It is something they never experienced, which is fine. What i don’t get is how people can be so simple minded and judgmental. Do people really believe the world revolves around them and only what they feel and do is the right way??

    This last summer Minnesota passed the law that two people of the same sex could get married. I was watching the news and the big story of the day was about people protesting downtown Rochester in front of the Mayo Clinic. Holding up signs that gays where going to go to hell, and bla bla bla. I remember thinking, what the fuck is wrong with you people. Do you have nothing better to do in life than go downtown and play holy than now assholes and using the lords name like you know him at all. Because if you knew him, you would know it is not your job to judge anyone. That is his job and his alone.

    People are stupid and you can’t wash stupid off.

    Just my two cents for the day


    • kdaddy23

      27 February 2014 at 22:46

      That, Sassy, is what amazes me – and your two cents are most welcomed. I get the religious thing just like I understand that people can and will interpret religion in any way that suits them – but I get it. I get that some people hate homosexuals (in particular) based on their religious leanings… but at least, with their hatred (or dislike, take your pick), they do acknowledge that homosexuals exist; I get that some of these folks see bisexuals and homosexuals as one and the same… which isn’t true but, again, it’s a back-handed acknowledgement that bisexuals and homosexuals exist.

      But to just say that there’s no such thing as bisexuality? If there are people who say they are, how can that be disputed and/or disproved? Bisexuality didn’t get removed from the official list of mental disorders until 1974 – the year after I got out of high school. That, all by itself, says that we realized that, nope, those folks really aren’t crazy, disturbed or otherwise insane and, oh, yeah, you can’t remove something from such a list if it never existed in the first place, can you?


  5. Sassy Sarah

    27 February 2014 at 23:01

    I think I need to come to your side of thinking. Instead of getting frustrated at how stupid people can be, be amazed at how stupid can be..LOL



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