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Advocation

04 Mar

The following is a URL of a blogger I discovered while browsing the “Bisexuality” tag:  http://assentive.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/bi-all-rights/

When I read it earlier today, I really loved what he had to say and his questions on whether or not to become an advocate for bisexuality within the Community and it raised a question in my mind:  As bisexuals, should we all strive to be advocates for what everyone calls “gay rights?”  And, if so, in what form should such advocacy take?

Do we run out to our local LGBT group and throw our support to a cause that contains some segments that don’t exactly like us?  Do we even want to get caught up in the political bullshit that’s being flung over the rights of the gay and transgendered when, upon closer examination, these folks have issues that bisexuals don’t have to deal with?  Could we, with a clear conscious, become advocates for bisexuals only and, in a sense, ignore the much broader community?

Y’all know I don’t have any problems talking about bisexuality, whether I’m sharing my experiences or otherwise riffing about what it means to be bisexual and that the things others say about us aren’t entirely or specifically true to all of us.  In a sense, when you see me writing about this I am, in my own way, being an advocate by trying to be a positive voice in a sea of negative voices.  Every time I think about doing something like attending a Pride parade or something, man, I just cannot see myself doing it, not that I don’t have it in my heart to back my fellow bisexuals as best I can – I just have issues dealing with political situations (read that as little tolerance and patience for politics).

But even if you can get one person to understand bisexuality, it’s a start; if you can get one person to get over the fears being bisexual can bring to the table, this is good, too.  If you can answer a question, dispel a myth, or otherwise give another bisexual some insight, this is also a good thing and, yeah, I really don’t need to hang out at the local LGBT chapter to do this – it’s one of the reasons why I have a blog, one of the reasons why I write about this as much as I do.

If I can get one bisexual to not buy into the bullshit being flung all over the place, then I think I’ve done a good thing.  If I can speak out against this so-called privilege thing and this bisexual erasure crap and someone sees that I think it’s bullshit, then maybe they, too, can call stuff like this into question and not just allow themselves to be bullied by those people who aren’t comfortable with our sexuality.

You know, when I catch myself up on my soapbox, I ask myself, “What are you doing?” and the answer is, “What I need to do.”  I know people struggle with being bi and if I found a way to get through those struggles – and without any help, mind you – then why can’t I do what’s right and help other bisexuals, even if it’s to let them know that they really aren’t alone in this.  Sure, you can reasonably assume that there other bisexuals out there… but that’s different from being able to hear from someone who’s been there, done that, trying to give away some of the T-shirts.

And when I read the blogs of other bisexuals (or folks who think they may be bi), it gives me insight into what they’re thinking about these days, which just adds on to that which I’ve learned over the years.  Am I an advocate?  Yeah, I guess that in my own way, I am.  Not so much because I feel that we, as bisexuals, are really getting the shitty end of the stick but because I have knowledge and experiences that could make a difference in someone’s life and to withhold those things, well, I just don’t believe that it’s good or right thing to do.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on 4 March 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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7 responses to “Advocation

  1. Pyx

    5 March 2014 at 03:01

    I think anyone can be an advocate for the things they believe in without being under a much larger banner, having a sticker on their car or wearing the tshirt. The politics of it does suck, it always has even for women 100 years ago who didnt have the right to vote: doesnt mean every woman I know now goes out and votes.

    I think you do a great job of balancing your experience with your views, and certainly the younger generation might have the political motivation (because we were all there about something, even if it was saving whales or against a war) but as we get older we learn that really the best thing we can advocate is being a living example.

    Like

     
  2. disconcerted72

    5 March 2014 at 14:50

    I really like what your friend pyx said above, “…the best thing we can advocate is being a living example.”
    I think that is probably the reali point in my posting anyways. I simply am who I am, and I’m much. much. much more than my sexuality – even if it is an entirely deep rooted part of who I am, it is only one aspect of the greater person around that sexuality.

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      5 March 2014 at 15:40

      That our sexuality is a totally integrated part of who we are is something the naysayers don’t seem to pay attention to. I tell others that being bi is just as normal to me as breathing; it’s not something I can turn on and off as if it’s not really a part of who I am. In my advocacy, I try to convey the fact that no matter how we like to get our cookies crumbled, we are much more than this and in our day to day lives, we all pretty much go through the same things trying to live our lives the best way we can and that we should not ever let ‘outside forces’ try to change this with their dumb shit about we’re really gay or we don’t really exist.

      Others may doubt us but we cannot be made to doubt ourselves; if we doubt what’s going on with us, I try to be a voice that says, “Just go with it – accept it – then decide what, if anything, needs to be done about it…”

      Like

       
  3. totsymae1011

    7 March 2014 at 20:59

    I don’t know, maybe come outta the closet as a bisexual. Seems like most coming out are gay. I don’t even think I think along the lines of folk being bisexual. Maybe enough folk aren’t saying that’s what they are. It’s akin to black folk passing, you know, as white and maybe it’s that kinda struggle for bis. Just trying to relate it to something but I could be all wrong. I wonder if the conversation is worthy of a little therapy to help folk deal with what they are. Heck, I have a hard time being me sometimes in certain situations, so in talking about a lifestyle, a co-pay may be very well worth it.

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    • kdaddy23

      7 March 2014 at 21:59

      Totsy, when I got notified of your comment, I wasn’t sure what to expect from our resident Southern Belle – and I not only appreciate your contribution to this discussion but I like what you had to say very much, so thank you for that. Coming out is overrated and something, until here of late, only gay folks had to worry about. There are more bisexuals than can be imagined and all because they balk at calling themselves bisexual but, at least in my opinion, they still quack like a duck. People fret about this and unnecessarily so; you accept that you’re bisexual – come out to yourself – and everyone else is on a need-to-know basis and you will know who needs to know and when. So instead of fretting about how to tell someone else, that time is better spent coming to better terms with their sexuality and feelings about it, to become more confident about who they are and all that good stuff because the more you understand this about yourself, the better you can explain it to others and from a position of greater inner strength.

      Some people do enter into therapy to help them deal with this but I’m not sure how successful they are or what good, if any, therapy can provide because unless a few things are revealed, a straight therapist, while book trained and all that, wouldn’t have a clue of what it’s like to come to grips with this and, no, I don’t believe prior experience for the therapist with other bisexuals is all that telling because no two bisexuals are alike in this and especially emotionally; there’s knowing what they’re going through… then there’s knowing what they’re going through. I’m not saying that it can’t help some folks, it just raises some interesting questions in my mind.

      And, you’re dead on, my friend: Dealing with this isn’t really any different than having a hard time dealing with yourself and a little couch time has been known to help get things back on track. Dealing with one’s sexuality, therefore, is no different than dealing with themselves if/when they’re having a really bad hair day; it’s just that they have to deal with this while others are screaming at them that they don’t exist, they’re frauds, and other uncool things and on top of maybe not fully understanding why they feel the way they do.

      It’s a handful… which is why I climb on my soapbox and try to help where and when I can…

      Like

       
      • totsymae1011

        8 March 2014 at 04:58

        You’re welcome. It gets hot and heavy over here and you have a lot to say on the topic, so I’m listening.

        Like

         
      • kdaddy23

        8 March 2014 at 13:05

        I remain tickled that you’re listening and, sure, hot and heavy works and can be so much fun! It doesn’t do to mince words or to sugarcoat things, does it?

        Like

         

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