The Madonna/Whore Complex (Syndrome)

17 Mar

Rougedmount, in her comment to my comment on her blog, “Non event detail,” mentioned the problem her hubby has – the title of this writing.  I wanted to familiarize myself with this and I admit to being a little surprised – my search results did not include a Wikipedia entry for this.  However, I did find an article on the subject: – and when I read it, whew, it kinda made my head spin for a moment and probably because my mind doesn’t work in the way someone with this issue works.

The first article I read on this was, for some reason, aimed more at women who have this… issue and suggests that if a man is suffering from this complex, she’s the reason why because women have this duality about them – the protector of virtue and the hot, horny whore – that, I guess, gives men mixed signals.  I thought, “Really?  I dunno know about this one…”

I sat and read the above-referenced article and thought, wow, I don’t believe I’ve ever looked at women like this although I do subscribe to wanting a lady in public and a whore in bed… but this thing?  Women as the guardian of morality?  Men totally at the mercy of their sexuality?  Somehow resenting the authority and power women have over sex and responsible for feelings of impotency?

What the fuck…?  So, okay; if you’re a man you’re gonna eventually find out that women do, without a doubt, have a lot of power because of what they have between their legs.  You want this… and so does every man old enough to know they want it… and women know it, too.  You get used to the fact that just because you want it, it doesn’t mean that women are gonna give it to you because you also know they’re really funny about who they give it and why – and that’s putting it mildly.  And, yes, their reluctance to give this to us when we want her to can be maddening because, often, their reasons for not allowing us access just doesn’t make sense to us.

But you deal with it – well, most of us do.  It doesn’t mean that we just give up trying to get into their panties; while we may be in a funky mood when girlfriend doesn’t want to give up the booty, we grudgingly accept that this is just the way it is.  Some of us also grudgingly accept that there are women out there whose sex drive can make us feel inadequate – again, it is what it is because there’s what we think a woman’s libido should be like and then there’s the kind of libido that’ll make us wet our pants and go back to sucking our thumbs.

But some of us actually find having that “whore” in our lives rather exciting but part of our appreciation of this woman is that she can epitomize virtue – that lady in public thing.  We accept that women are some really complex creatures and that they can be all over the place where sex is concerned, going from hot to cold faster than the speed of light and, again, for reasons that often don’t make sense to us… or them, either.

So if you kinda/sorta know that women can be both Madonna and whore, um, what’s the problem?  You respect the Madonna part of her… and do every sexual thing you can think of with the whore.  To resent either part of her is really insane – even though this complex isn’t officially a mental disorder – because one of the other things we learn is that we should accept everything about our woman – and they demand that we accept the good and bad in them.

I’ll admit to having a hard time with this thing – more research is called for…


Posted by on 17 March 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

13 responses to “The Madonna/Whore Complex (Syndrome)

  1. Sassy Sarah

    18 March 2014 at 02:54

    Ok I read the link and my head was also spinning. I am sitting here just shaking my head. Weird, and yet it got me thinking. In my relationship now, I am the one with the high high high libido. I have actually thrown fits because we have went weeks without sex. In the beginning I thought it was me. Today I do not feel that way, because I know my man. Sex is not that important to him. Don’t get me wrong he likes sex and when we do have sex it is fantastic!!
    I am thinking that my sex drive may play a part in his feelings of inaccuracy that he has had for many years. Or i should they did. We have lived in our new house 2 months and have only had sex two times so far. But the last time was over 4 hours and was so much fun…Ok I am back…..At one time this would of bothered me. It doesn’t any more. I know he relieves himself in the shower, just as he knows I relieve myself whenever. Shit he made me a sex machine.
    ok my brain does not want to work with me, and I find I am losing my train of thoughts.
    In my mind it comes down to this, put your big boy pants on (or rather off) and do your job.
    Sexless marriage would not work for me. I am to big of a bitch, I would be like fine you don’t want to stick your dick in my, here have a toy and get it done. ok I wouldn’t be that bitchy in the beginning, but I would get there.
    I would like to see your research on this. I find myself feeling like it is a cop out. or a reason to have sex with other women. This must go with the men that watch their child come into this world and lose all desire for the mothers pussy. Which to me i think is juvenile. I would take a used pussy over a pretty pussy any day.
    Ok I need to go to bed. but I am not done with this subject. Goodnight, and let the sex dreams begin!!


    • kdaddy23

      18 March 2014 at 03:30

      Thanks for your comment, Sassy – and I hope you had a hot wet dream! I can see this being a cop out… but an excuse to have sex with other women? I would think that this complex would affect a man’s view of ANY woman so I don’t quite understand why going out and getting some on the side would negate the complex… unless he only sees one woman – his wife – in this light… but that doesn’t make sense.

      I’m beginning to think that this is something someone came up with to “explain” why sex doesn’t happen in a relationship, to cover up feelings of inadequacy in some people or perhaps some other deeply rooted problem with sex.

      I’ll let you know what else I learn about this…


      • Sassy Sarah

        18 March 2014 at 09:31

        After some thought on this, I find myself realizing that my man could easily be in a sexless marriage. I think you are on to something here.
        So instead of dealing with the feelings of inadequacy, or the rooted problem, we give it a name and make it acceptable. Nice
        I am so thankful, for all the shit I have been through. Some or a lot of it sucked, but it made me stronger and wiser. To live life in denial of real issues be cause it ‘hurts to much’, this hindering there road to any kind of real happiness. This is so sad to me.
        I am seeing things a little more clearly in my own relationship and am feeling thankful for the drive I have. I do not know the actual story and I am sure I never will that got my man to where he was when we first met,
        I believe he felt inadequacy because someone made him feel like a failure. I would love to punch the bitch that did this. but then again If it wasn’t for his feelings of inadequacy and my drive I would have a handful of baggage still. Through this process I have gotten rid of some heavy baggage. Baggage I did not even know I had until this.
        I am glad I am an Aries.


  2. NessieMonster

    18 March 2014 at 18:48

    Huh, I haven’t come across this as applying to individual people in relationships but I can sorta see how it could happen.

    I’ve only ever come across the phrase in the feminist blogoshpere where it is more about a set of conflicted cultural beliefs, attitudes and treatment of women. So for example, all the messages about how women aren’t supposed to like sex or want it of their own free will (hence all the bodice-rippers where the woman gets convinced/coerced into the idea of sex with some guy), and how if they do want it or do go out and get it and have lots of sexual partners they get shamed and called things like slag/slut/ho whereas if a guy engages in lots of casual sex he’s a stud and gets praised for it. Because women aren’t supposed to want it and aren’t supposed to have it with just anyone they get seen as “gatekeepers” and it’s up to the guy to persuade/pressure her into giving it up. If she’s virtuous and stays “pure” til marriage she’s a Madonna. On the other hand, if she gives it up too easily she’s a Whore, used goods, sloppy seconds etc.

    It also plays out in some of the myths and stereotypes surroounding rape, where men are seen as slavering beasts who can’t help but rape the pretty woman, because she’s so sexy and they want her and they couldn’t possibly have any self-control at all. It’s up to the women to save the men from themselves with their No. To be the “gaurdian of morality” and “protector of virtue”. When their No’s might not be respected any way because also how are the men ever going to get any sex if they don’t force her to give it up? All the cultural shit about men who come on too strong and won’t take no for an answer becuase of course she wants it really (c.f. bodice-rippers again).

    Ugh anyway.


    • kdaddy23

      18 March 2014 at 22:51

      Really? The feminist blogosphere? That would jive with the one article I saw that says that this is really a “girl thang” more than a “guy thang” but, yeah, I can see how both could share this complex and from different perspectives… I’m just trying to figure out how one gets their head in this space to begin with.


  3. lifeofalovergirl

    23 March 2014 at 01:56

    This is an interesting blog and I’ve been meaning to comment. I may actually end up writing a blog of my own on the topic. I think madonna/whore is more the typical way that many men split women into categories, than something women suffer from. Men feel like they can only love a woman that is not a “whore” because the possibility of her infidelity scares them.


    • kdaddy23

      23 March 2014 at 02:18

      But is it just a guy problem or do the gals get it too?


      • lifeofalovergirl

        23 March 2014 at 11:37

        Women don’t tend to have madonna/whore, in my opinion, but they do get something kind of similar with men. Some people call it the lover/provider syndrome. They split men into the just for sex, vs the marriage category, so that is similar to what men do, just they don’t expect men to come to them with sexual purity.


      • kdaddy23

        23 March 2014 at 14:18

        But it is possible to see themselves like that; it would explain a few things about women and sex, wouldn’t it?


      • lifeofalovergirl

        23 March 2014 at 14:23

        I don’t know. See, I don’t think women would do that if men didn’t have Madonna/whore syndrome. Personally, I want a man to be BOTH things to me and accept BOTH things from me, but that is hard to find.


      • kdaddy23

        23 March 2014 at 14:30

        You see why this baffles me – it kinda doesn’t make sense



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Acquiescent Soul

Watching life as it passed by

Justifiable Opinions

We all have them, lets share what we think

Jenny's Swinger Party and Dating Advice 🎉

23 year old real estate agent & swinger 💋

Katya Evangeline

From Missionary to Sex Preacher and Loving It!

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.


All the things that make me, well "me."


If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sordid Sex Stories & Erotica of a Cougar

Temperature's Rising

It's getting hot in here...

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Madeline Harper



Random thoughts from a random mind

Equal Anarchy

Equality, Gender, Feminism, Sexuality

Sensual Desires

Sensual Poetry


Writing about recovery.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.

B0Y . LU5T

Coming to terms with being male, atheist, married, over 40, bisexual, kinky and blurring the lines of monogamy while living in a conservative "red state" .


Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual


The Wise Serpent


Fetishes, Gender Issues, Sexual Politics, Erotic Memoirs

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

ann st vincent

My journey through marriage, open marriage, divorce, being a Mom, sexual rebirth, online dating, failed relationships, and lots of sex

The Conquest Files

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

More Is Merrier

Views on consensual non-monogamy

Brighton Bipolar

Adult Survivor of Child Abuse and Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder - Working towards ending the stigma of Mental Illness

The Self-Actualized Life

Have a fulfilling life sexually and every other way!

Assentively Yours

Ramblings of a depressed mind and other nuances.

Larry Archer's World (

------ Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer


is there a path to a successful open marriage?


The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl


What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception


Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained

Roller Coaster Life of a Fat Girl

Highs and Lows of My Weight Loss Journey


when and why size matters


I write when the choice is to die if I don't

%d bloggers like this: