How to Make Lemon Garlic Chicken

19 Mar
  1. Tell yourself that you have to take something out for dinner tomorrow.
  2. Take chicken breasts out of the freezer because they’re hard enough to be lethal weapons and put in fridge before you go to bed.
  3. Get up in the morning and forget to take the still-frozen chicken out of the fridge.
  4. Go take care of some business
  5. Come back, sit down, have a mug of coffee – relax; don’t think about the chicken.
  6. Look at clock after sitting on your ass reading and playing “The Simpsons:  Tapped Out” on your phone and tablet – curse softly and take the now partially frozen chicken out of the fridge and put in sink.
  7. Sit the fuck back down and read some more; look at clock, blink, curse a little louder, get off ass and start making dinner.
  8. Hit the fridge; grab cluck dust – that’s my seasoned flour mix for chicken – and the margarine.
  9. Grab pot for rice; grab pan for chicken; grab measuring cup for rice and scoop out one cup of rice – sit on counter.
  10. Take chicken out of the sink and open package; spread individually packed breasts on counter then grab scissors to open them; drop liberated chicken breasts in cluck dust.
  11. Open cabinet, take out the pack of Lipton Herb and Garlic soup mix; turn box on side to read recipe; go get lemon juice from the other fridge.
  12. Pre-heat pan for chicken; no, wait – start the rice first; water, salt, pepper, a hit of margarine, parsley flakes – then pre-heat pan for chicken; add margarine to melt.
  13. Turn around in a circle three times before adding rice to boiling water; cover, reduce heat and simmer; start twenty minute clock in your head.
  14. Mix herb and garlic mix in water as directed; add two tablespoons of lemon juice.  Yes, two tablespoons.
  15. Clean up mess in sink; put the individual bags into the resealable bag they came out of and put in trash; wash dishes in sink.
  16. Walk out of the kitchen, turn in a circle twice, go back and see if pan is hot enough to brown chicken; turn heat up a notch because it’s still not hot enough.
  17. Brown chicken; keep an eye on the rice.
  18. Stir soup/lemon juice mixture in measuring cup to keep from settling.
  19. Put stuff back the fridge; return lemon juice to where you got it; stir mixture again because it settled.
  20. Put chicken in pan; turn off rice and take off heat; watch chicken cook.
  21. Go pee; wash hands; return to watching chicken cook.
  22. Check chicken for brownness; go sit down after turning up heat because it’s not brown enough.
  23. Check chicken for brownness; turn chicken and let brown on the other side for a moment
  24. Add soup/lemon juice mixture; bring to boil then cover and simmer for five minutes or until chicken’s done.
  25. See that the lid you have won’t even fit the pan with chicken; remember there is no lid for this pan; think for a moment while chicken begins to simmer.
  26. Look for a lid or something that you already know won’t fit this pan; think for another moment.
  27. Grab box of aluminum foil and cover pan; turn heat up a notch because it’s now below a simmer.
  28. Talk to mom on phone and tell her you think you’re making lemon garlic chicken – maybe; watch steam escaping from under foil for ten minutes, not five.
  29. Finish talking to mom; uncover pan; get fingers steamed removing foil.
  30. Plate rice for Linda’s plate; add two chicken breasts and sauce the chicken and the rice it’s sitting on.
  31. Serve Linda; give her wrong knife to cut her chicken; go get right knife.
  32. Fix my plate; grab silverware; check with Linda to see if she likes it; smile when she gives a thumbs-up.
  33. Sit down, pray, then dig in; rice cooked perfectly, chicken breasts cooked properly and are moist.
  34. Ingest food via osmosis; belch, then kick back and digest after putting pots and dishes in sink to be washed later.
  35. Write blog about making lemon garlic chicken.

Posted by on 19 March 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: ,

5 responses to “How to Make Lemon Garlic Chicken

  1. Sassy Sarah

    20 March 2014 at 02:05



    • kdaddy23

      20 March 2014 at 02:12

      Yeah, it was pretty funny – I usually totally have my shit together when I hit the kitchen… but not this time.


      • Sassy Sarah

        20 March 2014 at 02:47

        That is how I roll every night in the kitchen.Although lately I have been making my 12 year old help. Then i am like bitch dog mamma with her. She is so half ass everything, it drives me crazy. I fight the urge to do it myself alot.
        We had chicken tacos tonight.
        But unlike you, I always forget to put it in the fridge to thaw. Oh ya I thaw it using hot water a lot…..(I can hear the moans, and see the shaking of the head)…
        I only do this with boneless chix breast. There is a process and it requires bleach water. My daughter has seen me do it a hundred times and has help me do it 20 or more. So I ask her what does she want to do, cut up the chicken or prepare the salad she choose chicken. So what does she do? Forgets the plate, and utensils she used. She is making her plate ready to eat when I see it. Needless to say my kitchen is bleach
        clean:P Ugh she frustrates me to no end:D
        She knows why it must be done that way, and that thawing out chicken like that can get you really sick. Everytthing you touch has to be washed down, I don’t worry about the chicken itself. It is boneless and gets cooked all the way through. I am more worried about what gets left behind, that is where one can get sick..
        She is a great kid. I am learning I need to step up a little more to help her on her journey. I can do this…Good Times


      • kdaddy23

        20 March 2014 at 03:27

        Ooh, hot water’s a no-no; if you have to use water, ALWAYS use cold water! And if that was my daughter, I would never let her in my kitchen until she graduated from cooking school.

        I was a line cook in area restaurants for a while so I know how to roll the right way when it’s time to cook – not for last night’s dinner, though… but I got it done and it was damned good, too!


  2. Pyx

    24 March 2014 at 07:49

    No lid for this pan… lmao



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