Some of the more exciting things I’ve experienced as a bisexual isn’t just the sex – it’s the ongoing process of learning how to be bisexual. Some of it is keeping tabs on how other bisexuals are handling their sexuality and what they may or may not be doing but a lot of my continuing education in this is going over what I’ve learned about myself over all these years.
Being bisexual isn’t static although it may seem that way and more so if you’re not always on the prowl for your favorite same-sex tidbits – there’s a lot of internal adjusting that goes on as well. Looking back over the years, I know I’ve adjusted my preferences a gazillion times, reexamined what I will and won’t do, and think about all the lessons learned, both good and bad, to ultimately decide if being bisexual is still a good way to be. I honestly don’t know if other bisexuals have this continuing education thing going on with them; hell, they probably don’t think about it as much as I do but just like other aspects of my life, I feel it’s important to know where I’ve been, to know where I am now, so I can see where I may be going in the future. And a lot of this ongoing learning is about not making some of the mistakes I made in the past and, yeah, even if they were happy mistakes.
I had been sitting here drinking coffee, watching “BBQ Pitmasters,” and messing with my devices when a question popped into my head: Do you know how to be bisexual? I ain’t gonna say that I know where this question came from because I don’t know… but it seemed like a valid question because accepting that you’re bisexual doesn’t automatically imbue you with how to go about being this way; unless you’re damned lucky to have someone mentoring you in this, it’s pretty much OJT and, most of the time, there’s no one to tell you how to learn the things you need to learn in order to fully comfortable with being bisexual and, as such, one of the first things you learn is that trial and error can be a real bitch of a way to learn about something.
This particular rabbit hole is pretty deep which is probably why a lot of people don’t spend any time thinking about what they know about being bisexual; I’ve been known to give myself a headache or two thinking about it. The continuing education is about awareness, staying in touch with yourself and your environment. How does this “bisexuals don’t really exist” thing affect you? Are you aware of your desires and, if you’re in a relationship, how does your desires play into this aspect of your life? Along this line, does your partner know or suspect that you’re bi and how does their behavior affect yours? What about other family, friends, and co-workers? Are you worried about what they might know or suspect? Indifferent about it?
Are you as up-to-date on what it means to be bisexual as you think you are? Strangely, given all that I’ve learned, I often find that I’m not as current as I’d like to be. It’s not as much about trends in that sense although, today, I’m learning about other aspects of bisexuality that, in my experiences, never existed before or, at the least, were never apparent enough to be an issue. Like, when I learned about the behavior of some folks who have same-sex experiences but will tell you in a heartbeat that they’re not bisexual and even though my personal thought is that this is just kinda crazy, being aware and up-to-date means that you take note of this and even give some thought about how this mindset may or could affect you.
I’ve been learning that some bisexuals know that they’re bi but unless they can find themselves in a same-sex relationship, to them, they haven’t validated themselves. You’ve been reading that I think this is a little nuts, too, but it’s still about being aware of things, to be able to see how other bisexuals are handling this for better or worse. I’ve learned that other bisexuals are more concerned with coming out than I can remember in the past and that it’s not necessarily a good or bad thing and, at a basic level, I’ve learned that more people are actively questioning their sexuality and looking for ways to gain the knowledge they need, like hooking up with their local LGBT community, seeking experienced bisexuals to act as mentors, and doing as much research on the Internet as they can. I’m continuing to learn how these new things I’ve been learning affect my own thinking about being bisexual; it’s not about changing the way I’m bisexual as much as it is being aware of things that may or may not impact me in the unforeseen future.
Is your bisexual education complete? I know that mine isn’t, just as I know that while it’s just fantastic to have a lot of experience, there’s still no such thing as learning too much about something that I could easily take for granted. I know what I know… but I also know what I don’t know and, yeah, I don’t know what I don’t know, too, which is exactly why I keep learning about being bisexual here in the 21st century.