Inhibitions – do you know what they are, how we become inhibited, and how we may be affected when our inhibitions are made to go sit at the back of the bus? I woke up with this on my mind, one of those “in the gutter” moments that aren’t specific but gives ya a warm feeling while the mind is focusing in on what the moment is about. I was thinking about all the parties I went to as a teen, parties that might have various intoxicants, and how the use of such things affected the partygoers and, even better, how being drunk, high, or otherwise stoned out of one’s mind could make inhibitions go away to reveal things about people that, when sober and in the light of day, you’d never see.
I know there are people who are “socially bi,” which says to me, in my experiences, that after some wine, a joint, or some other hair of the dog, people who wouldn’t normally engage in homosexual sex are ‘suddenly’ all for it, based on the premise that with one’s inhibitions removed, you get to see the real person or, as the old folks say, “A drunk person don’t tell no lies…” Thus, it would be ‘improper’ and out of context for a sober person who doesn’t ‘normally’ go for some same sex action to engage in such things – gasp! – what would everyone think if they discovered that straight-laced “Jack” like to suck dick and get fucked in the ass? Ah, but get “Jack” a little loosened up, and he wouldn’t bat an eye if the offer of pussy and dick were on the table.
I’ve seen this first-hand and I’ve always found it utterly fascinating how someone with their head in ‘normal mode’ can get cronked and then do something that, publicly, they’d swear on a stack of bibles that they’d never do. Of course, I’ve been at such parties, parties where decorum and discretion get set aside while more primal things come to the surface. I was thinking about one party that devolved from playing cards to an orgy and how many times I’ve been surprised to find myself getting sucked or even fucked by someone who, when sober, would never admit to enjoying such things or to see women who loudly claim that there’s nothing another woman can do for them flat on their backs, their legs flailing in the air while another woman is eating and fingering them into blissful oblivion.
One eventually learns that it’s not really getting into the spirit of the moment, i.e., let’s do what everyone else is doing and because everyone else is doing it; it’s because various hairs of the dog have removed inhibitions enough to allow a lot of things to happen, from having sex in an open, public setting to engaging in sexual acts that sobriety – and the inhibitions that comes with it – would never allow to happen. I’ve had conversations with people on whether or not this is a good or bad thing and whether or not there’s any shame attached to anything done while under the influence. I’ve had people relate to me that, yeah, they’ve done some pretty wild shit while cronked… but it wasn’t their fault because they didn’t know what they were doing… but their actions proved that, yep, this wasn’t their first rodeo. I’ve even talked to people who admit that they’ll get a little (or a lot) juiced so that their inhibitions will go away so that they can suck cock or eat pussy or do other shit that, sober, wouldn’t be considered as par for the course.
I know guys who have admitted that they couldn’t suck dick unless they were somewhat fucked up; one guy I know once told me that he let every guy at a party fuck him once the booze present got him to loosen up. That surprised me because this guy was a tough, manly-man kind of guy and while you can’t really judge a book by its cover, his sober personality pretty much said that getting dicked in the ass wouldn’t be something he’d willingly do; in fact, he was known for his anti-homosexual stance, nonviolent but harsh with his words. I’ve had guys who fit this particular persona sidle up to me and just start sucking my dick without asking or being really invited and while I’m not one to object a whole lot, that they’re doing this while under the influence gave me plenty of food for thought and place a lot of questions in my mind when, all after the fact and quite sober, they categorically deny their actions.
I recall a party moment where I was on my stomach, eating the shit out of some woman’s pussy, when I felt a weight descend upon me and a hard dick probing for my hole… and a familiar voice in my ear saying,”If I wasn’t fucked up, I wouldn’t be doing this… and I’ve always wanted to do this…” Surprise, surprise! Now, he never made it inside me but he did have a good time humping me all the same, even when I got him to stop long enough for me to get inside the woman I had been eating. I remember that the sight of the three of us all piled up together like that had onlookers giving us props and even the woman under me managed to say that she’d never been fucked by a guy who had another guy fucking him – it was all pretty hot.
I ran into him a couple of days later and I hadn’t intended to say anything about him creaming my butt (on the outside) but he said – and with a really sheepish look on his face – “Man, that was one hell of a party, wasn’t it?” I agreed that it was – any party that didn’t have any fights break out was always a great party – and his next words made it hard for me to keep a straight face.
“Um, I would appreciate it if, uh, you didn’t say anything about what I did,” he said, struggling with his words. “I was, you know, pretty fucked up and higher than a kite…”
I assured him that I wouldn’t tell anyone else but pointed out to him that a lot of other people saw him going for the gusto on me; I guess that fact sunk in pretty good ’cause all he said was, “Damn…” before he actually apologized for his unexpected ‘assault’ on my butt. I told him that I didn’t blame him for anything (except his inability to get that dick inside me but I wasn’t gonna make him feel worse than he apparently did about it), that it was all good, and that we both knew that at parties like that, anything’s liable to happen so he shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. For his sake, I was willing to let the matter go at that but, no, he clearly didn’t want to as he explained to me why he did what he did, beginning with, “I really don’t know why I wanted to that!”
I knew it was because his inhibitions went bye-bye and that all he was doing was something he’d always wanted to do, perhaps not with me specifically but with a guy – I put it that way because he admitted to being surprised that I didn’t jump up and commence to kicking his ass. Was he right or wrong in his actions? Was he to blame for having this hidden desire come to the surface courtesy of items that were at least 80 proof? Hell, is blaming it on the alcohol a valid “excuse” for letting his inhibitions go by the wayside? I mean, unless losing one’s inhibitions brings out the bad in someone, is it fair, just, or right to hold their lack of inhibitions against them?
I’m not sure if there’s a definitive answer to these questions. As someone who doesn’t have much in the way of inhibitions to begin with, when someone loses theirs and decides it’s a good idea to have some sex with me, I can’t say that I find fault in them and more so since I kinda understand how this thing works… or doesn’t work in an intoxicating situation. I’ve hung out with guys that have gotten high and then want to do things with other guys that, sober, they probably wouldn’t do with their inhibitions in full effect. I’ve had some of those guys engage with me and other dudes with serious intent… and I’ve talked with them afterwards as they try to deal with the knowledge that they just had sex with another guy and in almost every case, I’ve heard them say that they don’t know why they wanted to do whatever it was they did. One time, a guy was going down on me as if his life depended on it… and he wasn’t happy about it. No, I didn’t force him in any way – he said, “Let me suck that dick, man…” and I said, “Okay – go for it!” – but he was clearly upset with himself because he was not only sucking another dude’s dick but was having fun doing it. Later, I learned that what upset him so much was the knowledge that when he got high, he wanted to suck dick… but his sober self was totally against doing it and more so since it wasn’t the first time for him.
I told him that it wasn’t really something for him to get upset about and that, yeah, if it bothered him that being buzzed exposed this part of him, maybe he shouldn’t get high at all. It took me a while to understand why he’d be upset about it, just as it took a while for me to partially understand that despite knowing he was like this when high, he didn’t stop getting high. It defies logic and common sense, doesn’t it? If you know that when you’ve got your head screwed on right you’d rather get hit by a car than to suck cock – and because it’s unseemly behavior – then why get high and let that behavior take control… and then fuss with yourself after the fact? Logic suggests that if this is the case, then getting sauced isn’t in your best interest… but if you continue to do things that will rid you of your inhibitions, what does that say? It’s not as if one can’t be in control of this, right? Just don’t get high if doing so will make you amenable to doing something that wouldn’t do sober.
The psychology of it all is just so damned interesting! It’s not like people who let loose like this don’t know what they’re doing although I’ve seen for myself that they might not understand why… but I’ve also seen those folks who do understand why they get like this when buzzed; some accept that it is what it is and just let it go at that while others feel bad about themselves for their “lack of control” – but that doesn’t seem to give them a reason to stop putting themselves into those situations.
If losing your inhibitions might make you “socially bi,” is this really a bad thing?