I was thinking this morning, while getting into my routine of checking my mail and tending to my stable of mobile devices, that one of the things I love about being bisexual is that you don’t know if/when you’re going to run into someone who likes dick as you do. I’m not as much talking about gaydar, that mysterious sense that some of us have; nah, this is about not having one single clue that the guy you’re with is eager for some dick and the situations where a pleasant surprise is in the offing.
I go back to the younger days and participating in sleepovers. Now, it’s one thing if the sleepover resulted as part of a scheme between me and whoever I was gonna stay with because we knew what we wanted to do; it’s something else to get yourself settled for bed and, say, get awakened because someone’s sucking your dick or gently shaking you so they can ask you if you wanna do it to them. Back then, I never wondered why there was no indication that this was gonna jump off – I just went with the flow of things.
A lot of times during a sleepover, I was awakened by the feel of a boner poking around between my butt cheeks and upon realizing what was going on behind me, it wasn’t a question of asking, “What are you doing?” – the question was usually, “Are you gonna get it in or what?” But again, it’s one thing for this to happen when you’re sharing a bed with someone you know for a fact likes to this – something else when you have no clue at all. After the fact, the usual questions come to the surface, like, “Why did you want to do it? I didn’t know you liked to do it like that!”
Sometimes the answer was, “I dunno…,” along the lines of it sounded like a good idea at the time; sometimes the guy confessed that he always wanted to do it with another boy but I guess it really is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission (not that I would have said no if he asked). Yeah, there’s nothing more fun to be awakened in the middle of the night because the guy lying next to you has his hand in your underwear and playing with your dick.
I just seemed to be the “victim” in these middle-of-the-night booty calls! I’m not gonna say that I’ve never shared a bed with a guy, feeling him all up close to me, and have had thoughts in my head about doing it to him… but didn’t act on my thoughts because I didn’t know if he’d go along with it or get pissed off. With the luck I had, I’d have a restless night and then find out later that I could have done something without a hassle or the other guy was actually lying that close to me because he wanted me to get something started. Ah, those missed opportunities…
So while I didn’t find these things all that unusual, when I got into my teens, the thought of being awakened for sex never crossed my mind. Sharing a room and even a bed, well, no, that wasn’t unusual at all but I can remember spending the night with a friend when I was 14, sleeping nicely and without any “suspicious” feelings about the guy in the bed next to me… until I was dreaming that my dick was being sucked really good; I was waking up, opened my eyes and, surprise, surprise! Here’s the guy I wouldn’t have suspected to like dick blowing me as if his life depended on it! I thought I had left this behind, you know? But, apparently not. I’m not saying that the sex we had was bad – it was just totally unexpected and the concept of gaydar hadn’t been invented yet as far as I knew. After we spent some time creaming each other in our various orifices, I just had to ask, “What the fuck got into you, man?”
He said, “I was horny…” – and that’s all he said. How did he know I wasn’t going to wake up and go all Bruce Lee on him? I don’t know how he knew I wouldn’t and more so since my being bi was a closely guarded secret. Obviously, I wasn’t pissed with him but I was really starting to think about this situation and why they seemed to appear out of nowhere, with no prior ‘warnings’.
Into the adult years, the surprises continued. I admit to having a little too much to drink at a friend’s party and he put me in the guest room so I could sleep it off. And it would have been nice if I could have slept it off… if I hadn’t been awakened by my friend sucking on my dick. I think this was the first time I woke up and quietly asked, “What are you doing?” I know – dumbest question in the world, right? He stopped, looked up at me with a very sheepish look on his face and took a few moments to tell me that (a) he was bi, (b) he found me desirable, and (c) the booze was telling him to just come into the room and get some dick that he somehow knew would be agreeable.
I just said, “Oh, okay – you gonna finish what you started?” Even as he went back to what he was doing, I was wondering – and not for the first time – why it was that these things just seemed to happen to me.
Yet another time I spent the night with someone – can’t remember why I did but there I was, sleeping nicely, when I was being gently shaken back into consciousness by my host who wanted to talk to me about something that was really bothering him. I’m thinking, oh, this had better be good and important if you felt it necessary to wake me up… and, as it turned out, it was. Seems that he was feeling his bi-ness, it was messing with him and “pressuring” him to have his first experience with a man. Now, he woke me up to ask me what he should do about it and if I knew anyone who could grant his wish and, well, you can take it from there, can’t you? Here I am, at five in the morning, teaching someone how to suck dick when I should have been sleeping.
Not all surprises visited me in the dead of night – there’s nothing like just sitting and talking with a guy about this and that and then have him ask, right out of the blue, “By the way, would you mind if I sucked your cock?” and the surprise is much more startling because prior to the question, I wouldn’t have an inkling of a clue that he was bi or, a couple of times, gay. Was I that clueless and oblivious that I couldn’t see the signs? Hell, were there any signs to begin with? It would still be a lot of years before I heard the word “gaydar,” but after an adjustment to the way I looked at people, I could start to sense that, hey, this guy ain’t exactly straight and even if I had no idea why I’d get that sense. I know some of it is body language… but not everyone is easy to read – not every guy who likes dick gives off that… vibe and I thought that it was because they were very guarded people or one of those rare folks who just don’t have a vibe to be read.
After a while, you just tend to take these things in stride; I found that if I tried to look for possible signs, I’d never see them but trying to “ignore” them rarely produced any results either; I’d still wind up getting pleasantly surprised and by men who never gave any indication that they’d want my body in some way. I kinda automatically discount guys who get their inhibitions trashed because they’re stoned – I long since learned not to be surprised that some dude’s inner bi guy has come to the surface thanks to the right amount of vodka or whatever his hair of the dog is – and the guy I gave the 5AM lesson to didn’t drink or otherwise get high, if you were wondering.
It’s not that I mind the surprises when they happened… I just don’t know why they always seemed to happen to me. Now, it’s been taking me a while to write this ’cause I’m trying to think of my all-time biggest surprise… and I got nothing. I think that maybe I’ve been surprised so many times that nothing really stands out as spectacular in my mind… or I just can’t remember. As I sit here writing this, I find that I shouldn’t have been surprised which is very easy to say when you’ve had years to go back and see all of the signs that you couldn’t see at the time. I’ve learned that as a bisexual – and because of that whole gaydar thing – you almost have to be “on guard” because you never know when someone you have presumed to be straight will reveal to you that they have a taste for dick and more so since, depending on one’s experiences, you know these things can come right out of the blue.
Now, I will share that, back in the day, I’d sleep over with one of the fellas in our “gang” and have faked like I was sound asleep as he humped me; not really a surprise but fun just the same. The hardest part was not moving when it started feeling good or to not laugh as he clumsily probed around for my hole – how I managed to contain my laughter is a mystery. Then I’d fake like I was just waking up and act as if I wasn’t aware of what happened, just to see that innocent look on his face… like I didn’t know I had a butt-full of spunk, right? Then I’d tell him that I really wasn’t asleep and hadn’t been since I felt him trying to ease my underwear down – ah, those looks were so precious!
Okay, I’m gonna try to find something else to do even though my mind is still reviewing some of the, um, juicy details of those moments of surprise…
27 April 2014 at 22:32
I love your honesty and openness.
27 April 2014 at 22:47
You know, at my age, one might think that I have better things to think about – and I probably do but when it comes to bisexuality, being open and honest about what I now think about my experiences is a must if other bisexuals or newbies or even curious people are ever wondering, “What is it like?” “Am I the only one who has experienced (add something here)?” “Am I just weird?”
My experiences are not indicative of the essence of being bi – my way probably ain’t the gold standard for bi men to follow… But I’ve been there, done lots of shit, and made my share of mistakes with my sexuality and others need to know such things; who knows if it might help them with their sexuality; it might answer a question or get them to ask questions… And this is too serious a subject to set aside being as open and honest as I can be… or as WordPress is gonna let me.
28 April 2014 at 11:47
My gay buddy swears that he has gaydar and i certainly believe you. And as woody Allen says being bi doubles your chance for a date on Friday night.
28 April 2014 at 11:56
Yeah, right, sure it does…