It’s kinda funny that the bathroom is a place where one can get ideas, be inspired, stuff like that so while I was in there, I had reason to think about what scares men about having sex with other men. It brought back a memory of a time where I was on the basketball court; the team I was on had just crushed some pretenders to our “throne,” and we were taking a water break as the guy who had next put a team together to challenge us.
One guy pointed to this dude walking through the court area and said, “Yo, that dude is gay like a motherfucker…”
We all looked in the guy’s direction and, honestly, if he was gay, you couldn’t tell by looking at him but as these things tend to go, a lot of the guys started chirping about how they’d never have sex with another dude and the usual chest-thumping, macho shit along those lines. A couple of dudes allowed that if they were drunk (or otherwise fucked up), they’d make his gay ass suck dick and he’d better swallow that shit – that drew a few strange looks at the guys making the statement and, oddly, no one saw a need to question them about their sexual preferences. But, given that it was bluster time, no one believed that if the supposed gay man being ranked on offered to suck their dicks, they’re really go through with it, being all manly and shit… but I wasn’t too sure about that because there’s often some truth hidden in the bullshit coming out of their mouths.
We were ready to play our 14th game of the day and what struck me as odd – and while we were kicking the other team’s ass – was that these men were so openly negative about gay sex and, in particular, anal sex… yet it didn’t seem to bother them when they wound up with their asses against another man’s crotch, either defending someone or trying to back someone down so they could get posted up and clowned.
Later (and after there was no one else to whip up on), the conversation came up again and one of the more level-headed brothas asked, “What are you afraid of? If the motherfucker wanted to suck your dick, shit, it ain’t like you never had that happen, right?”
One guy responded, “Man, I don’t want nobody fucking around with my ass!” – I bit back the urge to laugh because during the game, we routinely slapped a guy n the ass when he did something good or needed some encouragement to get his shit together and play the game… and it made me think. See, one of the perceptions running around out there is that guys are afraid of anything that will strip them of their masculinity and it was easy for me to see that, yeah, taking a hard one in the ass could be considered a threat to their manhood a lot more than having another dude schlobbing their knob, making me wonder why the one thing is kinda/sorta okay but the other is greatly frowned upon because, um, there’s still a guy sucking your dick (unless I missed something).
In later years, I would find that a lot of men – men who are rather intelligent and fairly open-minded – would utter similar sentiments; if a dude wanted to suck his dick, well, that was fine (kinda) but the sucker better not make any moves toward the receiver’s ass or all hell would break loose. Again, the perception here – and there’s plenty precedence to support the perception – that getting fucked is a girly thing to do. It made me look at all the times I’d been fucked so I could ask myself that if there were any times when I felt girly because I had a dick in my ass; I saw that while there were times when some dude wanted to treat me like I was his bitch, all that did was piss me off and start a couple of fights. Still, if you understand the whole dominant/submissive thing about sex, it’s really easy to see how being in the submissive role – sucking dick or being fucked – is tied to women (and some women don’t agree with this) only – hence the perception.
So it makes sense that a man would pass up sex with another out of the fear of being fucked and, honestly, the only ways that would happen if the the guy agreed to be fucked or he was raped. I understand that, after talking to a few guys about this, that they’re not really afraid of the sex… but they are afraid that they’ll like it and, as such, liking it would make them gay – that’s funny because while the sex can be kinda addictive, I didn’t know being gay was contagious like catching the flu or something.
Some men have religious objections, which is understood; their fear of God is greater and it’s not worth risking the wrath of God by having sex with another man – and this is despite knowing some pretty religious dudes who have throat-fucked men… and more – but that’s probably a good topic for some later discussion. Some pull the disease card, which is, sadly, a valid concern, and without giving one thought to the stuff they could easily catch while having sex with a woman – and that includes the disease they believe they’d get with a man. Still, it’s hard to kick a guy in the sack about this fear because no one wants to get sick and die on purpose.
The question at this point gets interesting: If you could do it and no one would find out (another fear attached to this) and you knew the other guy was healthy in every aspect and you trusted him, would you let him suck you? Would you strap on some latex and give it to him good and hard in the shitter? Do you think that the lust roaring throughout your body would or could convince you to suck some dick and maybe take it in the ass? Ah, I can hear men all over the blogosphere reading this and saying to themselves, “Ain’t no fucking way, KDaddy! Uh-uh! Not da kid!”
Swingers, in particular, crack me up with this one, those supposedly open-minded and sexually liberated individuals. If you know anything about swinging, you know that bisexual men are pariahs because, supposedly, we can’t control ourselves when there’s a dick close by… and that’s based on rumors (more than anything else) where some dude in the pile was really feeling it and started sucking on some unsuspecting guy’s dick – so now it’s assumed that if one guy did this, all bi guys are gonna do it which is, of course, inherently ridiculous and a large part of the stigma against bisexual men in the lifestyle. But we also know that a lot of the men who’d say they’d start a fight if that happened, ah, wouldn’t put up much of a fuss because, after all, they are getting their cock sucked and they can easily invoke “heat of the moment” as the reason why they allowed it. It also makes me wonder if women ever worry about that… hmm.
Sticking with the swingers for a moment, I’m not beyond asking the naysayers – and as they thump their chests and start waving their dicks around – what the difference is between a dude sucking his dick and a woman doing it; that really gets them going and gives me the image of monkeys in a cage that have lost their cool over something, howling and screeching and jumping all over the place. Now, I will tell you that there is a difference but would it surprise you that them men who say they wouldn’t allow it actually don’t know what that difference is? They can’t accept what is, for most people, a given and proven fact: Your body doesn’t care who’s giving it pleasure… but your mind does. I’ve had them argue with me that there’s no way that this can be true, which makes me laugh or shake my head because if they don’t understand this, it’s a good chance they really don’t know shit about sex as they think they do.
But it puts their fears right out there for all to see and it also exposes their prejudices about this. Even in the vanilla world, you don’t have to be into a man to have sex with him; in some situations, you don’t even have to know his name but the perception – and it’s a false one the fear is based upon – is that you have to like a man like that in order to be a party to something as ‘simple’ as a blowjob; you just have to like him enough to be able to slide your cock between the other guy’s willing lips.
And maybe there’s more to this fear. I know – and y’all know why I do – that sex with a man can be intimidating; it can be humbling and it can even be humiliating: It can be downright scary… but maybe not for the reason one may think. The fear isn’t so much about what the other guy might have on his mind; the fear is not knowing how you’re gonna react to whatever happens because another thing we know is that the power of sex can unlock things about us we’d rather not have unlocked. I’ve even seen in myself – and despite my experiences – that there’s a moment (or two) of uncertainty and enough to call it a fear and while I’m on guard for any funny business – read that as something happening that I didn’t agree to – the fear comes into play because the intensity of the sex could wipe away my defences and could make me say to him, “Fuck me…” at a time in my life where I’d prefer not to be fucked. And if you’re thinking that such a thing can’t be possible, I’m telling you that it is because I’ve found myself in a few situations where I wanted the other guy to fuck me and was damned close to uttering the words to someone who didn’t meet my, uh, exacting criteria of being that guy I’d love to have fucking me.
Are other men afraid of the acts? Afraid of the other man or afraid of what people might say if they found out? Or are they really afraid of themselves in this?
What are you afraid of?