I realized how… energized I’ve been feeling while writing all of my latest blogs, as if each one is an emotional orgasm and providing a “release” that a lot of bisexuals don’t often have because they’ve no one to talk to about what’s on their mind about their sexuality. Of course, with the way my mind works, I went from emotional orgasms to physical ones and then thinking about all the “trouble” I got into in my pursuit of cock and by trouble I mean those times when I used poor judgment and got busy with someone who proved to be less desirable, for lack of a better word.
Sometimes, I think bisexuals who have never had a sexual experience are the lucky ones because they don’t get to run into that guy/gal who’s not about making the sex good; they’d rather be selfish and inconsiderate and these are probably the worst people to run into. As the ‘bad’ moments flashed through my head, I could feel myself frowning as I thought that while bisexuality and gay sex can be kinda glamorized and get people to think that’s it’s always fun, nah, there are times when it isn’t and while one can easily blame their partner for the lack of a good time, we also have a responsibility to do our best to choose well and correctly in this, something that’s hard to do with men because as women like to complain about, we will do and say anything to get into somebody’s underwear.
I know it’s part of the process; you’re gonna get the good with the bad because if you don’t, you’ll never really be able to distinguish between good sex and bad sex, a good lover and an atrocious one. The process will test your ability to read people and see beyond the charming smile and the good looks – you have to learn how to read body language and then use these skills, along with listening to your gut, to decide whether or not you want to get naked with someone… and do this knowing that despite everything you see and sense, you could be wrong just as easily as you can be pleasantly surprised.
Those of you with prior experience know what I’m talking about and those of you who haven’t, well, if you want to get a sense of what this part is about, all you have to do is think about some of your opposite sex experiences because, strangely enough, there are too many similarities – making a bad sexual choice affects everyone regardless to orientation. I thought that I’m not bringing this up to discourage anyone who hasn’t had an experience from having one – hey, if you can, then you should but before you do, know that while discretion is always a good thing, it’s about making choices and the decision process you employ when making choices.
I found that it was hard for me to really be totally discouraged when an encounter didn’t go as planned. If the other guy turned out to be an asshole, I could understand that while I couldn’t do anything about him being a jerk, I could have examined him better than I had and then have the good sense to stop things in their tracks before the situation could get any worse. Of course, with guys, well, that can cause some… tension and I frowned to think about how man times I had to be prepared to defend myself and my decision not to have sex with a guy who proved himself unsuitable and, yes, more than once, blows were struck, blood was shed, and it just made for a really fucked up moment.
I got to thinking about this mostly because of something Rouged said last night in comment: “I often thought being bisexual would be more convenient as there would be a greater chance that you would find someone compatible to be with…” Um, not really. Even though it’s kinda obvious that there are other bisexuals, trying to find one – and let alone one who’d be compatible with you – is more inconvenient than anything else because it’s almost impossible to tell who’s bisexual and who isn’t. Our shared sexuality, while nice, doesn’t make compatibility a given because things like attraction and clicking or otherwise developing some kind of chemistry is important to a lot of people in order to motivate them to have sex with someone and, as I said to Rouged, even bisexuals can be incompatible with other bisexuals so, no, it’s not a given nor is it convenient. If you happened to run across someone, it’s almost purely by chance and even then you’re more likely to run into a gay person on the prowl than a true bisexual… then it’s probably a sure bet that they’re not into what you’re into or the way you’re into it, like how I keep running into guys who want to fuck me when I’m only interested in oral sex.
Those of you who haven’t had their first experience yet, stay with me, okay? I’m not trying to scare you or anything like that but I am trying to make you think about some stuff.
Given that it’s hard to identify other bisexuals, it’s no wonder that a lot of bisexuals had their first experience with a friend or even with a cousin or another family member; yeah, sounds yucky but it happens, okay? No point in trying to hide from the facts, right? Anyway, I always figured that people went this route because it is convenient and it’s not really a question of compatibility because you already know them, teaching you the lesson that it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t. I’ve read in places that selecting someone close to you for that first experience isn’t a smart thing to do and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how right this statement is… which doesn’t change the fact that a lot of first experiences follow this route if taken while young – read this as under the age of 18 and that above the age of 18, a close friend could provide that first experience and all because it’s just too scary for some to go out on the prowl, looking for that perfect person to have their first experience with, and not being able to identify the players in the game.
If there are no friends willing to provide that first time experience, well, ya gotta get a little predatory and go looking for someone or get out there and make yourself available for pickup. I’ve gone on the prowl, looking for pretty much anyone who will say yes to my indecent proposal… and have utterly failed, not because I don’t have game but because of some stupid inability to find someone, like I’m always in the wrong place at the wrong time or something. I have, however, been in too many situations where I was minding my own business and got hit on – and my ability to judge correctly got tested and while in the majority of times I guessed right and let them pick me up, I have guessed wrongly a few times and it just sucks in that bad way because, really, there’s no way to know what’s gonna happen until it actually happens. You can find yourself in a situation where you’re now with someone who’s coming on way too strongly for your tastes or someone who actually doesn’t know what they’re doing.
Which is also why I say that one should never go into these things with any expectations or just take for granted that the person you’re undressing for can do all the shit they said they can do to and for you, oh, just like having straight sex, huh? What you will eventually learn that having a same-sex experience isn’t really all that different from having an opposite sex one; some experiences will take you to heaven, some will turn out to be the experience from hell.
But even the bad experiences can teach us something, not only about making better or smarter choices in this but about ourselves, our decision-making process, our ability to get a feel for someone and even if our approach to same-sex experiences is different from when we’re trying to have regular, straight sex. I know that for myself, I learned a lot about my desires for dick and how they can push me into making a decision that’ll have me wondering why I agreed to have sex with this guy. I was taught that once you make a decision, you should stick with it and to whatever conclusion it’s going to come to… but there are some times when you shouldn’t do that and when changes horses in the middle of the stream is actually the best thing to do because, as I also learned, there’s not too many things that’ll make you feel worse than to be having sex with someone after you’ve agreed to do this and then find out that you didn’t want to do it with them – and you’ve resolved yourself to just lie there and take it, all the while praying that he’ll hurry the fuck up so you can go home, kick yourself in the ass for having made such a poor decision, and then question yourself on the matter – and in ways that isn’t going to make you feel any better.
Ah, another emotional orgasm felt… what a rush!