In Just the Last Few Minutes…

08 May

…I asked myself, “What haven’t you written about regarding bisexuality over these last few days?”  There are things I haven’t spoken about, like getting outed or someone just intuitively figuring out that you’re not as straight as you appear to be.  This usually isn’t a good thing; it’s one thing when you want to let someone know that you’re bi because you have time to think about how you want to tell them and prepare yourself for their reaction… but when it just slips out or you’re confronted out of the blue, you have the space of an eye blink – that’s about 1/40th of a second if you ever wanted to know – to decide whether to confirm or deny the allegation.

I can honestly say that over the years, I’ve told the truth, confirmed the suspicion, accidentally outed myself, categorically denied it, and have pleaded the 5th.  Why deny it?  That’s kinda easy – you just don’t want them to know and for whatever reason works for you.  This is a bad spot to be in, having to lie in some way or the other but if you’re keen to keep your secret a secret, do you really have a choice?  Sometimes it sucks to have to lie to someone while at other times, the lie is warranted; hell, the person asking probably deserves to be lied to, you know?  And there’s no sure-fire way to handle this.  Oh, sure, you could be honest and tell the truth – it is the best policy and all that – but when they say that the truth will set you free, that freedom isn’t always about having a clear conscious over telling the truth – it can free you from your friends, your relationship, your family, your mental health and, sadly, your life if your mental health falls off the table.

Tough choice, huh?  When it comes to this, I don’t think that the ‘factions’ that want all bisexuals to come out understand or care about what could happen; I guess they assume that if we all come out en mass, things would be better for all of us.  Yeah, right… sure it would be – y’all can handle the truth, right?

I’m not really sure if I’ve left my impressions on what it means to be bisexual.  I’ve gone on about the sex, the emotions, some situational things, and even the necessity to simply accept that this is how you feel and that you don’t have to do anything about it if you don’t want or have to.  For me, being bisexual is liberating; I’ve ‘broken the mold’ as it were, being quite the nonconformist and going against the moral and social grain by daring to not be straight… but to not be gay, either.  It’s brought me a peace of mind, a level of comfort and confidence that I am accepting the responsibility for my happiness in life and not willing to leave it for society to decide how I should be happy and what form that happiness should be in.  What it means is that I am who and what I am… and I’m just fine with it.  I know there’s opposition out there – and it wouldn’t be life if there wasn’t – and that’s okay and more so if they’re not fucking with me about something that (1) they have no say in and (2) is really none of their fucking business.

I think that if I were to seriously start writing about what it means (to me) to be bisexual, I would be writing for a very long time… and then I’d wind up writing in a way that would probably make me look like an idiot because a lot of being bi is intangible – they’re impressions, kinda like images, things that there just aren’t any words for.  I’ve said that being bi is very much cerebral; it doesn’t matter if you’re introverted or extroverted, a lot of being bisexual takes place in your head, really just a small piece of a very complex puzzle that makes you who you are.  We live in a world where some believe that thinking and doing are one and the same thing… but bisexuality helped teach me that this isn’t the truth.  We live in a world where some believe that actions speak louder than words… but apparently not where, ah, certain things are concerned, like being bisexual; one’s actions can say that they’re bisexual but their words will, more often than not, say something entirely different.  They say, “Don’t believe what you see or what you know for a fact – do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?  You should believe them and forget about the fact that I had a dick/pussy in my mouth last night at that party…”

Right now, I’m not sure if there’s anything else I can say about this.  Those of you who aren’t bisexual have an idea – or maybe even a better idea – of what bisexuality is about; you’ve seen that it’s not just about the sex, not just about any emotional connection, and that we’re all not of the same mind where that 50/50 thing is concerned and, fuck, no, being in a same sex relationship is not required or serves to validate anything; we’re in the middle of the spectrum but there is still some fluidity (fucking hate having to use that word) in how we can be bisexual – our sexuality is not static, not like being straight or gay is.  Most of all, you’ve seen that with the one difference in how we like to have sex, we’re really not as different from you as you’ve been told.

Those of you who are bisexual, thinking about it, or just plain curious, I hope that I’ve shown you, through my experiences and words, that this isn’t as complicated as you think it is – you can simply this in your mind, take control of your actions, understand the emotions and urges that may be flowing through you… and know that you don’t have to do one damned thing about it except to accept that this is how you feel.  If you can get others to accept this, that works; if not, well, it is what it is and you cannot ever hope to change everyone’s mind in your favor.  I hope that I’ve shown that you don’t have to be afraid to love or otherwise be involved with someone who’s the same sex as you are, even if you’re already in a relationship; the watchwords here are that you can’t do anything about the way you feel – but you can do something about how you may act… and you don’t have to.  You’re not evil, not a sinner that should be stoned, and you’re certainly not the devil or the anti-Christ nor are you some weirdo or freak of nature – you’re just being human, just like everyone else is.

I hope that I’ve shown that being bisexual just isn’t a thing to do – but it’s okay – and that it can also be a way to be, a mindset that encompasses a lot of things in life that doesn’t necessarily involve getting naked.  I’ve been bisexual damn near all of my life; I’ve done a lot, seen a lot and, yet, I’m still learning about this; I’m still having my awareness piqued as well as my curiosity.  I’m optimistic – I can envision a time where one’s sexuality isn’t going to be a deciding factor of their self-worth or their worth as a human being; change is coming – change is happening even as I write this and despite our resistance to change, change will take place; we will become very much aware and will embrace bisexuality as a ‘given’, just as being straight or gay has become.  Maybe it’ll come to pass in my lifetime, maybe it won’t but there is one thing I know for a fact:

I am bisexual and damned proud of it.

I invite everyone who has questions about this to ask them because if there’s something you want and/or need to know about bisexuality, ask a bisexual; to go ask someone who isn’t bisexual kinda doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.  You can leave your comments here as always – you can even email me if you wanna say something offline.  I leave you for this moment with two things, courtesy of Kirk Franklin:  “If you don’t know, you’d better ask somebody…” and “If you don’t know, now you know…”


Posted by on 8 May 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

8 responses to “In Just the Last Few Minutes…

  1. Pyx

    8 May 2014 at 12:54

    Well stated!


    • kdaddy23

      8 May 2014 at 12:57

      Thanks, Pyx – I try. BTW, I never got the email you mentioned – checked all my mail to that account back to 02/14…


  2. ellendolfan

    8 May 2014 at 21:06

    The hardest thing for me to deal with is the wanting to explore the female side of things, and I can’t because I made a commitment to my husband.


    • kdaddy23

      8 May 2014 at 21:07

      I know that’s not easy; you try to ignore it. It it just won’t go away, will it?


      • ellendolfan

        8 May 2014 at 21:11

        No, it won’t go away. Feelings never do. But I can choose to not act on it. The same goes with my feelings for J. I really want that too, but I know if I act on that, my marriage would be over. I can want everything, but that doesn’t mean I get to have it. And I’m not sacrificing myself in the process. My husband is more important to me than having sex is.


      • kdaddy23

        8 May 2014 at 21:14

        This is the thing most people don’t understand about us – thinking and doing are not one and the same thing; we do know how to say no and we can control our urges.


      • ellendolfan

        8 May 2014 at 21:18

        It does suck to have so many urges and desires, and to not be able to act on them. I know I have the choice to, but that choice would involve me losing the most important thing in my life.


      • kdaddy23

        8 May 2014 at 21:25

        Nah, it doesn’t suck to have them – the other part does suck, though.



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