After talking to Ellen last night, one of the things that crossed my mind are all of the married (or otherwise attached) bisexuals who, due to the commitment to the relationship, can’t don’t, and probably won’t ever get a chance to act on their “other” desires and urges… and that just sucks and never in any good way.
Ellen had said that it sucks to have the feeling and no outlet for them; I said having the feelings doesn’t suck – but the other part does. So it’s good if you’re bi, haven’t taken the plunge yet, and have that itch – it says you’re in touch with that part of you; but without an outlet, well, you’re pretty much hosed on that one because the commitment to the relationship has to trump everything else.
Some of us who are in relationships are lucky (if you wanna call it that) in that our relationships are structured so that it is possible to scratch the itch, I.e., having an open relationship, being a swinger, or being in a poly relationship that makes it possible. That doesn’t always guarantee that you’re gonna get that other itch scratched but there’s always the possibility so where there is hope….
I’ve been asked what, if anything can someone do and I’ve said that if it cannot be arranged so that this can be experienced, there’s not one damn thing you can do except using your imagination and masturbating a lot. One guy asked. “Should I try to set something up?” And my answer was, honestly, “If you think you can do it and survive; otherwise, no….”
Not the answer he was looking for. Even if a partner understands this need and also understands how not tending to it can cause issues, that’s not gonna help a whole lot; despite their understanding of your sexuality, you will still be bound to the rules of being in a monogamous relationship. Some bisexuals I know feel that this is pretty fucking selfish of their partner to deny them the physical and emotional release found in the sex; the arguments I’ve heard have gone along the lines of the partner saying, “What about me?” – and it can get pretty ugly because they’re not going to understand – or don’t want to understand – that this need you have has nothing to do with them. Think about this one for a moment and how it could impact the promise made to do what has to be done to insure each other’s happiness; clearly, if “Ed” want to go get some dick but doing so will make “Jean” unhappy, well, Ed old buddy, I hope you have strong wrists and forearms. The rest of this particular implication is a blog for some other time.
It’s a sad state of affairs. Those who have to go without work hard at controlling their urges – really hard; sadly, others arch their breaking point in this and wind up on the DL. Their need for this release is physically and mentally stressful and now a sense of self-preservation kicks in: Do this, do it now, or suffer the consequences – severe depression is the worst of what can fuck you up, right along with bad stress reactions like high blood pressure, stroke, and even cardiac arrest. Changes in behavior can happen; I’ve seen guys (in particular) go from being well-tempered to totally unreasonable. Wives can notice this and if/when the source of this frustration becomes known, you might get some pussy; the thought here is that if he can get his rocks off via coochie, everything will be okay with him.
That’s only partially true; sometimes, the best pussy in the world isn’t enough to make that other urge go away and just might make matters worse depending on the guy and the depth of is frustration and/or depression. Sound like an ugly and bad situation? It is and a lot of it has to do with a man’s desire, need, and compulsion to have sex… any kind of sex – we can be hoisted by our own petard.
Women… well, they seem to be better at resisting but what works for them in this probably won’t for the man who’s craving dick and can’t get any – our ability to hold out for long periods of time isn’t all that good.
You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t and if there’s a hard part to being bisexual, this is right at the top if the list.
A first for me! This blog was done on my iPad Air! Typing this has been an experience; I’m not used to typing with two fingers!