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It’s A Bitch

09 May

After talking to Ellen last night, one of the things that crossed my mind are all of the married (or otherwise attached) bisexuals who, due to the commitment to the relationship, can’t don’t, and probably won’t ever get a chance to act on their “other” desires and urges… and that just sucks and never in any good way.

Ellen had said that it sucks to have the feeling and no outlet for them; I said having the feelings doesn’t suck – but the other part does. So it’s good if you’re bi, haven’t taken the plunge yet, and have that itch – it says you’re in touch with that part of you; but without an outlet, well, you’re pretty much hosed on that one because the commitment to the relationship has to trump everything else.

Some of us who are in relationships are lucky (if you wanna call it that) in that our relationships are structured so that it is possible to scratch the itch, I.e., having an open relationship, being a swinger, or being in a poly relationship that makes it possible. That doesn’t always guarantee that you’re gonna get that other itch scratched but there’s always the possibility so where there is hope….

I’ve been asked what, if anything can someone do and I’ve said that if it cannot be arranged so that this can be experienced, there’s not one damn thing you can do except using your imagination and masturbating a lot. One guy asked. “Should I try to set something up?” And my answer was, honestly, “If you think you can do it and survive; otherwise, no….”

Not the answer he was looking for. Even if a partner understands this need and also understands how not tending to it can cause issues, that’s not gonna help a whole lot; despite their understanding of your sexuality, you will still be bound to the rules of being in a monogamous relationship. Some bisexuals I know feel that this is pretty fucking selfish of their partner to deny them the physical and emotional release found in the sex; the arguments I’ve heard have gone along the lines of the partner saying, “What about me?” – and it can get pretty ugly because they’re not going to understand – or don’t want to understand – that this need you have has nothing to do with them. Think about this one for a moment and how it could impact the promise made to do what has to be done to insure each other’s happiness; clearly, if “Ed” want to go get some dick but doing so will make “Jean” unhappy, well, Ed old buddy, I hope you have strong wrists and forearms. The rest of this particular implication is a blog for some other time.

It’s a sad state of affairs. Those who have to go without work hard at controlling their urges – really hard; sadly, others arch their breaking point in this and wind up on the DL. Their need for this release is physically and mentally stressful and now a sense of self-preservation kicks in: Do this, do it now, or suffer the consequences – severe depression is the worst of what can fuck you up, right along with bad stress reactions like high blood pressure, stroke, and even cardiac arrest. Changes in behavior can happen; I’ve seen guys (in particular) go from being well-tempered to totally unreasonable. Wives can notice this and if/when the source of this frustration becomes known, you might get some pussy; the thought here is that if he can get his rocks off via coochie, everything will be okay with him.

That’s only partially true; sometimes, the best pussy in the world isn’t enough to make that other urge go away and just might make matters worse depending on the guy and the depth of is frustration and/or depression. Sound like an ugly and bad situation? It is and a lot of it has to do with a man’s desire, need, and compulsion to have sex… any kind of sex – we can be hoisted by our own petard.

Women… well, they seem to be better at resisting but what works for them in this probably won’t for the man who’s craving dick and can’t get any – our ability to hold out for long periods of time isn’t all that good.

You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t and if there’s a hard part to being bisexual, this is right at the top if the list.

A first for me! This blog was done on my iPad Air! Typing this has been an experience; I’m not used to typing with two fingers!

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 9 May 2014 in Uncategorized

 

8 responses to “It’s A Bitch

  1. Pyx

    9 May 2014 at 14:26

    how do you usually type?

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      9 May 2014 at 14:34

      The way I was trained to type 90wpm – with all fingers! Just using two to type is very strange for me.

      Like

       
      • Pyx

        9 May 2014 at 15:02

        My husband just shouted that he is a ‘two finger’ typer from the Army typewriter days … I guess I have overlooked the fact there are people who do not use them all.

        Okay tonight i am going to write my blog entry with two fingers… I am already feeling impressed that you wrote this with two fingers.

        Like

         
      • kdaddy23

        9 May 2014 at 15:07

        Well, I do have some nice fingering skills…

        I watch my doctor type on his computer and it just makes me squirm to see him do the hunt and peck. No offense to your hubby but in the Air Force, they teach you to type with all of your fingers – but I already knew how to type correctly before I got there, thanks to my typing teacher and the ruler she used to whack us with for not using the proper form…

        The whole time I typed on my iPad, I could feel my knuckles stinging…

        Like

         
  2. ellendolfan

    9 May 2014 at 15:20

    For the first 20 years of being with David, I really liked being monogamous. I never wanted to be with anyone else. But recent events have changed that, and I do want to explore other options. But, I made a commitment to him, and I’m doing my best to honor that. I can only say that I’ve been physically faithful, because I do consider the online stuff to be cheating.

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      9 May 2014 at 15:44

      A lot of people consider it emotional cheating because, again, in monogamy, you give all of you to your partner and that includes having feelings just for him alone. but somewhere along the line, a lot of people realize that despite their commitment, they feel things for other people, from love to lust and it immediately conflicts them because monogamy is no more than a set a guidelines for the “best way to live and be” – it’s a theory, for lack of a better word – but your feelings are real and undeniable… even though we try to deny them because of what we vowed.

      I’m not saying this isn’t honorable or that people cannot be physically and emotionally faithful… but when you get hit with these extra feelings, it kinda doesn’t make sense all of a sudden; short of a lobotomy or converting to be a Buddhist monk or Shaolin priest, totally mastery of our feelings is beyond our ability to achieve. Then – and I’m not sure of the exact mechanism – we figure out that we can remain physically faithful but be emotionally unfaithful at the same time although some folks just never manage to pull this off because they cannot compartmentalize things well, like knowing you have deep feelings for “Pete” but you can express those same feelings of love with your husband “Carl” so that he will never notice that your feelings and/or affections are wavering or inconsistent with what he’s used to be exposed to. Some folks use that “all or nothing” approach to being in love and they screw the pooch because they give to one side but take away from the other.

      The psychology of it all is very interesting. Is it still cheating as we understand it? Depends on what you’ve been taught to believe. I say it isn’t and as long as you never shirk your duty to your husband or wife and that includes being emotional with them as well as physical… and if you have the ability to do this and a lot of people don’t.

      Like

       
      • ellendolfan

        9 May 2014 at 17:48

        My love for J never changed my love for my husband. If anything, it made my love for my husband stronger. I know the “affair” has actually improved my marriage, because my husband realized other people out there wanted me too. It also did some damage too, because now there are trust issues where there weren’t any before.

        Like

         
      • kdaddy23

        9 May 2014 at 18:04

        Weird, huh, how it can make things better and worse at the same time…

        Like

         

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