“Day by day, every minute of the hour, ya got to come on strong, you got to prove them wrong…“
Anyone remember this song from back in the day? Hell, I’m not even sure it can be found anywhere except maybe those Internet sites that specialize in really old music… but it popped into my head as I was thinking about the state of my bisexuality. I’m not sure what people think about bisexuals that makes us so different from everyone else. Yes, yes, there’s all the stereotypes, misconceptions, health warnings, and so-called behavioral problems… but when you get right down to it (hey, that’s part of another great oldie!), it still doesn’t make us that much different from everyone else, does it?
I thought that as I sat here and preparing to write this, I’m a pretty regular type of person doing what serves as regular stuff for me on a daily basis, things that have little to do with my sexuality unless, of course, I happen to be here writing about it. I play my games, watch TV, read, go to the store, stuff like that, just like everyone else does and I think one of the ‘important’ things is that if you didn’t already know that I’m bisexual, you could be standing in line with me and waiting to check out at the supermarket and never have one clue that the guy standing in front or behind you has a thing for pussy and dick. Uh-huh, it’s the thing that allows bisexuals to fly under the radar or even someone’s gaydar – it’s not readily obvious that we’re not straight or gay and all you’d see is a kinda nice-looking man trying to get his grub on later… if this damned line could move faster.
A lot of bisexuals – and I’m thinking about the one’s who are actively stating our case in the social arena – have been trying to defend our sexuality and, just like everyone else, stating our right as human beings to be whatever sexuality makes us the happiest. I’ve said that I’ve gotten past having to always defend myself in this but, as the above-referenced lyrics say, I realize that I do have to prove them wrong, that their perception of bisexuals is skewed or otherwise biased by not allowing myself to fit the general description… which is kinda hard to do seeing as how I’ve pretty much done a lot of the things we’re accused of as a knot on the sexuality line – but not all of the things, not all of the ‘bad’ situations and, oh, yeah, none of the health problems that are being emphasized, something that’s important to me, something that sets me apart from my bisexual brethren who weren’t being as careful as they could have been.
I have to prove that I can be monogamous and not be seen as flighty and that I can use my intelligence and common sense to find reasons not to cheat on my woman or break any rules we have about such things. Despite my desires and lust, I have to prove that I can think with the proper part of my anatomy, that if I happen to be depressed, whatever’s causing it – like my constant pain – isn’t related at all to my sexuality and the inherent difficulties in being bisexual. I do have to prove that despite a few things, I’m really no different from a lot of men or anyone else for that matter: I gotta do whatever it is that has to be done before I grow old and die because, yeah, you only get one shot at this and if you’re not gonna make the best of it, well, shit, no such thing as a second chance or going back to correct shit, right?
I can’t even say that the way I think differs a whole lot from other guys; just like them, I have sex on the brain pretty much all the time and while I do think about nice, hard dicks, I spend lots of time thinking about pussy, too – I just have a shitload of guy thoughts running around in my head but, surprisingly, only a small portion of what goes on in my head is dedicated to my being bisexual – and then it’s more like self-checks, ya know, ‘reminding’ myself of my sexuality status, as it were, i.e., “Do you still like dick? Yes. Do you still like pussy more than you like dick? Oh, hell, yes! Okay, you’re good to go; now, do you want to eat one of those doughnuts you know you have no business eating?”
The main ‘question’ racing around in the gray matter is why do I/we have to come on strong and prove them wrong? I get a little irked at having to be made to validate myself via my sexuality when I know there are, for instance, straight guys who by comparison makes me look like a saint – yet, they’re not required to defend themselves, are they? Even though I know that gay men have been fighting for their right to be gay and treated like everyone else, there’s no validation requirement for them – I mean, they’re gay; what else is there to say about that? Well, there are a few things, like, you can include them in the STI/STD arena, the one everyone’s trying to pin on bisexual men alone and as far as that so-called “straight privilege” is concerned, there are plenty of straight-acting gay men – wolves in sheep’s clothing if you will – out there because they know that if they don’t pass the “straight test,” they’re gonna wind up in someone’s crosshairs, singled out, and summarily executed in the court of societal opinion – and especially if they want to get married.
Their fight is a different one facing bisexuals; they’re fighting for their rights, we’re fighting to prove our existence and, yeah, that despite how we might want to love, relate, or have sex, we’re really not all that different – I’m not all that different; I’m just a guy trying to get by day by day, every minute of the hour.