I was thinking, as I puttered around in the kitchen this morning and making my first cup of coffee and setting up Linda’s tea, that some guys have a funny way of asking other men for sex… and quite a few of them happened to drop into my lap at times. The thing that made those moments funny – at least for me – was (1) somehow knowing what was on their mind and then (2) watching them fumble for the words that would, in their hopes, initiate some forbidden sex.
I often got to laugh at myself in those moments and more so because most of the time, having some guy sex wasn’t even on my mind; as the Keurig did its thing, I thought about the moments where a guy I was with wanted to ask if we could have sex… and I couldn’t figure out what the hell he was getting at or why he started acting “weird” just before he started talking as if his brain got short-circuited.
I once sat and watched a guy go through this for almost an hour. The moment he started talking, I guess my “gaydar” came on-line because it was clear to me after he was thirty seconds into his, um, request, that he wanted to do something. Five minutes later, I was way past being amused and well into, “Damn, dude, can we just get to the point already?” I could have let him off the hook by putting the question into his mouth, as it were – and I used to help guys with this… problem get the words they needed to say out into the open – until I saw much humor in it and, seriously, I had just gotten to the point where I felt that if a guy wanted some kind of sex with me, then he should say the words himself.
The punchline for this one was that the guy finally blurted out, “Can I suck your dick?” – I agreed… and in a lot less time than it took him to ask – only to watch him chicken out with his lips just mere slices of an inch away from my knob. I asked myself later if it would have made a difference if I had prompted him but, of course, since nothing happened, I couldn’t say that the situation would have changed.
One dude spent like ten minutes walking around his place with his boner in his hand, making me wonder just what the fuck was he doing and, no, I honestly didn’t know and didn’t want to assume anything because I had seen guys do this before and the only sex that jumped off was him spanking his monkey. So I sat and watched this guy; he’d sit down across from me, stroking his prick and with that “Can’t you tell what’s on my mind?” look on his face. Then he’d get up, his boner sticking out of the front of his pants and he’d pace, fondling his balls or pulling on his pud for a few before sitting back down.
I finally got tired of watching him beating his beat and beating around the bush and asked him, “Is there a reason why I’m looking at your dick?” Okay, so I broke my “no prompting” rule but it was either that or start laughing – that would have been bad. Now, you’d think that with such a prompt, his reply would have been, “Yeah, um, I was wondering if you’d want to suck it/jerk it (or whatever)…” – but no! He actually stood in front of me, his dick easily within my reach, and looked at me as if I were denser than brioche, as if he thought that it should have been obvious.
I still made him ask, though and the punchline for this one is that I barely got half of his cock into my mouth before he came… in less than a minute. Now, I’ve never given guys a hard time about this – I know it happens – but it was all I could do not to laugh about the fact that he took all that time and went through all of that silliness to ask for what he wanted, only to lose it all before things got going good.
I’ve gotten surly a few times with guys who wanted to play a form of “Charades” when it was clear what the deal was but he couldn’t get the words out of his mouth; I’ve told them that I knew what they wanted and I didn’t have any objections to it… but if they couldn’t ask for it, they weren’t gonna get it. Yeah, it kinda spoils whatever mood was building but, damn, man, can we just get to the point?
Then there are the guys who drop hints as if they were hot potatoes, saying things like, “Damn, I wish I could get my dick sucked!” or “I wouldn’t mind getting laid right about now!” It’s so funny – and kinda interesting – because at the moment they utter such phrases, I just seem to know what they want… and it’s not pussy. I have sat and watched their body language confirm what their, ah, hints, were saying and since I’m not beyond fucking with people – and because I can – I’ve said things in return like, “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked, too!” or “I know what you mean; I feel like putting my dick into somebody!”
Ah, to see the look on their faces! It’s so precious to see it; they might as well have a sign over their heads that says, “Hey! He knows what I want us to do!” But, then, instead of popping the question, some of them have gotten this look on their face that says, “Well, why isn’t anything happening?” I’ve had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at their perplexed look and then spend a few more moments listening to them dropping more hints. Once, a guy was dropping hints like they were made of lead… and I patiently waited for him to get the point; he said, “Shit, right now, I would let another dude suck my dick – that’s how fucking horny I am!”
And I’ve put my best “innocent” look on and have replied, “I would, too…” – and then watch them (1) process the statement and then (2) try to figure out how to get the ball rolling.