I was thinking about “Sweating the Dumb Shit,” the piece I wrote yesterday and, yeah, it had me shaking my head a little just knowing how many bisexuals – and budding bisexuals – pay attention to the dumb shit. I thought – while making another cup of coffee – that there must be some… quality or a particular mindset that can help bisexuals shrug off the prejudicial bullshit and other scare tactics that are plaguing the minds of many. I thought about these things:
And not necessarily in the order I’ve written them. I thought about maturity more than age because age and maturity don’t always go together as we might think. I’m not saying anything about being immature; that’s insulting, if nothing else but it’s more like letting the awareness of your duality get you to see things other than the aforementioned bullshit – think of it as a mental exercise more than anything else. As a bisexual – and at some point – you kinda come into your own, usually at the point you’ve accepted that you like boys and girls and to whatever degree that is and it’s this maturity – and maybe this isn’t the right word – that can make you look the other way when the dumb shit is flying all around because you know – and even if no one else does – what being bisexual means to you as well as what it will mean down the road.
Experience is a damned good teacher; there’s nothing like finding out for yourself that a lot of the dumb shit is just that because your own experiences – and maybe even the experiences of others at times – will teach you what the deal is and help you further define what being bi means to you and how you can tailor it to fit the person that you are instead of trying to run or even fight against the general description. And, by experience, I don’t necessarily mean sexual experience although if you have it, that works, too. Even if you just “sit back” and absorb useful information – and read this as information that’s useful to you and how you want to be bisexual – it’s still experience, just like reading my blogs on this is a form of experience because you can learn from other people in this; a vicarious experience is still experience.
Intelligence isn’t as obvious as it appears to be; some of us are quite emotional about our sexuality and not often in a good way thanks to the dumb shit. We can allow the dumb shit to flow over us like water just by intelligently asking if any of that bullshit actually makes sense or if it’s even applicable to the individual bisexual. Some of us have a lot of fear going on inside of us, mostly around what could happen if certain people found out that we’re bisexual and how badly they can react… and you just have to ask yourself if, intelligently, it makes sense to let this fear dictate things to you. Don’t get me wrong – the repercussions are very real, so don’t think that they aren’t or that they won’t apply to you at some point. The one way we can sort through all of the dumb shit is to simply use our intellect and logic to see it for what it really is: A bunch of shit being said by others who are so afraid of us that they’re ready to shit their pants and, because they are afraid, they will say or do anything that they think can hurt us or, comically, scare us into being straight or gay.
Confidence is everything; if you lack confidence, you’re pretty much hosed and will easily fall victim to the dumb shit. If you lack confidence in your decision to go with your bi feelings and your ability to manage all that goes with being bisexual, you’re in a heap of trouble; the good thing is that it doesn’t have to be a permanent condition because confidence doesn’t begin or come into play via someone else – it begin with yourself so if you’re relying on someone else to instill that confidence in you, well, yeah, it can be done… but that’s really something you should do for yourself; that way, when the person you’re relying on somehow lets you down, it’s no big deal because you were already confident in your ability to be bisexual before you even met them.
And it’s as simple as believing in yourself, not just that you can do a thing where this is concerned, but simply that this is the right way for you to feel. You are confident that you’re not confused, in denial, or just going through a phase, confident that you can stand in the face of adversity and tell it to kiss your ass (and not in a good way) and equally confident that you can overcome whatever’s made you take a step or two backward. If you’ve never had the sex, confidence is still a key thing here because you have to be confident in the way you’re feeling about the sex and even more confident that when the day comes and you lose your bisexual virginity, you’re not gonna fold like a house of cards because there’s going to be zero doubt in your mind about your desire to have the sex or your ability to have the sex; your intelligence will (or should have) told you to read things about having the sex so that you can, at the very least, understand the dynamics involved.
I know that I use the things I listed above to allow me to see through the dumb shit – and ignore it. I know the naysayers aren’t 100% right in the shit they’re saying and that, for the most part, they’re using the tired-assed stereotypes to generalize being bisexual and put it in such a negative light and so much so that there are a shitload of people who are actually leery about calling themselves bisexual. I used the things listed to acknowledge that, yep, some of this shit they’re saying does, in fact, apply to some people… but not everyone… and certainly not me.
Is any of this sage advise? I dunno… maybe it is for some but it’s just that while I acknowledge that bisexuality can be physical or emotional, it’s better to take an intellectual, logical approach to managing one’s sexuality and that includes being able to tell truth from fiction, stereotype from reality, and the difference between possibility and probability and, importantly, when someone’s trying to pull the wool over your eyes and all because they don’t like the idea that you’re bisexual.
If there’s a major “tussle” that has to be overcome, it’s moral/religious aspects of being bisexual and it’s singularly unique because we all don’t see this issue the same way. It’s not dumb shit by any stretch of the imagination… but it is something that you can use those four things I mentioned to get your head around what you’re feeling about this and more so when you think about it simply: It’s only wrong because a bunch of people against homosexuality said it was wrong and then they only said it because homosexuality, all by itself, can’t make babies. You know the rules… but you have to decide for yourself whether or not you can live with knowing you’re breaking the rules, not that the rules don’t apply to you. I can’t tell anyone how to get over and through this thing that can be so bothersome to bisexuals; I’m not sure I can fully explain how I did it except to say I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I eventually made my peace about it, which only added to my confidence and, importantly, comfort as a bisexual.
It’s my thirty cents worth – any questions?