Pick Up the Phone

15 Jul

Once again I find myself thanking Rougedmount for the inspiration for this piece of writing via her blog, dial a dick.

So… booty calls.  Have you ever made one?  Ever been a booty call for someone?  When you think about booty calls, how does it make you feel?  Weird?  Apprehensive?  Eager?  Anxious?  Scared shitless?   Want to curl up in the fetal position and suck your thumb?

The way we look at sex is funny and even parochial when compared against other countries.  It’s a fact that here in the US, the only legal sex is married sex but, uh-huh, sex in a relationship that isn’t married is also much preferred.  For everyone else – read this as single people – well, they’re fornicating if you wanna buy into the biblical references… but when you’re horny and your mind and body are telling you that you need to get laid, whatcha gonna do?

Are you like a lot of people and just try to ignore your horniess and, if you are, um, why?  Oh, yeah… that whole relationship thing.  Would you resort to masturbation to scratch that itch a little and if not, um, why?  If you’re in the position or situation that you could make a booty call, what would stop you from picking up the phone and calling someone you know could give you what you want?

Does your sense of self-respect get in the way?  Can’t get your head around the concept of casual sex?  Don’t want to let anyone think that you’re desperate for sex?  What other reasons can you think of that would ‘convince’ you not to do something your mind and body are screaming at you to do?

When I read Rouged’s blog, I thought, “Yeah, you need to have as many booty calls as you can get away with!”  Then I saw the part about needing some bleach (what the fuck…?) and some Jim Beam (yuck – Jack Daniels is better) after the fact because as much as Rouged loves sex and has a legitimate reason for blowing up guys’ phones for some booty call action, she’s also really funny about casual sex – but not anymore than a lot of people are.  I often find myself shaking my head in wonderment when participating in conversations about this because a lot of people – and not just women in every situation – firmly believe that sex has to be meaningful, that they have to be into someone in order to have sex and, at least in my opinion, overlooking the obvious, that being that sex, in and of itself, has meaning and, really, you just have to be into someone just enough to have sex with them.

We read a lot here on WordPress and probably on other blog sites about slut shaming, giving those women who love sex and have no qualms about getting laid and by any means necessary… and I personally think it’s silly to see these women as sluts but the reason why we do is all based on our morality and ideas of societal norms which, of course, say that no woman should easily and freely give up the pussy to anyone.  Likewise, men who are about getting all the pussy they can get are seen as dogs and pretty much mindless in their pursuit of pussy and this, too, is cast into a very bad light.

I know men and women who would never be a booty call or make one; I even know some who have made – or have been – a booty call and they’ve not been all that fond of themselves after the fact and while I’ve heard a lot of their reasons for this, the one underlying questions I’ve asked is, “Does your reasoning really make sense and more so when you know that you do, in fact, need to get laid?”  I’ve heard that a booty call is so damaging to one’s self-respect because it just makes them feel bad to have to resort to using someone else for sex… or being used for sexual pleasure alone.  I know people who will make a booty call in a flat, skinny, second and not because they have self-respect issues; they know that if they want to get laid, they’re gonna have to call someone to make it happen; otherwise, they might find themselves prowling bars and clubs and supermarkets looking for someone willing to have sex with them – and that’s just too much work, a lot harder than picking up the phone and arranging for some sexual action.

I’ve heard women and a few men respond to a booty call like this:  “What, is this the only reason why you called me?”  And they’ve gotten offended because it insults their sense of self-worth because it says that the only value they have to the caller is just sex – yup, the truth of things might set you free but it rarely feels good when you hear it.  Obviously, you have a great deal of value… if this phone call you got (or are about to make) was about setting up a relationship… but it isn’t; this is all about taking care of a primal need and if you read shit into this that shouldn’t be there, of course booty calls aren’t going to be a desired thing to do and good reason to abstain from sex, something that’s actually more harmful to your mind and body than accepting the booty call is if you wanna get all into the physiology, biochemistry, and psychology of sex.

And, yes, I’ve made booty calls and I’ve been booty calls.  And, yes, at first, I was offended, choosing to think that the caller thought it would be easy to get me into their bed and all that other negative stuff.  I’ve made calls and have had the person I’ve called respond in a similar way instead of putting a more position twist onto how they’re viewing it:  Out of all the people I could have called, I called you, not because I think you’re easy or anything like that but I have faith and confidence in your ability to please me and, yeah, I like you enough to want to have sex with you… but maybe not a relationship.  Once I started looking at it like this – and knowing that I really felt this way, then being a booty call stopped bothering me and I wouldn’t hesitate to make that call because I was now better prepared to deal with any “moral” objections.

To me, it’s a given that a person has to change their point of view about having casual sex, something that’s difficult for those I happen to know are either against casual sex or have a great deal of resistance to the idea of fucking someone just because they want to get laid and they’re not looking for a relationship.  This, of course, is a result of the conditioning we receive growing up that essentially tells us that casual sex is bad and shouldn’t be done; you should only have sex with someone you love and even then only within the confines of a relationship, which is totally contrary to what should be a very obvious fact that as human beings, we were born to have sex but because of this conditioning, we will also do everything we can not to have sex in the casual mode so that we don’t have to face any stigma that’s imposed by society and, yeah, by our own way of thinking.

Because we all have our… preferences when it comes to sex, casual sex seems to be unable to fulfill our specific needs… but is this really the truth?  Those of us who have zero issues with casual sex says that it isn’t given that, on the whole, sex is a crap shoot to begin with and we see this even in relationships where one can have sex today and it totally blows their minds but if they had sex tomorrow, eh, not so much.  To that end, we’ve all learned that when you care about someone deeply – and this includes loving them – it brings something extra to the sex so, of course, we believe that in the absence of those deeper feelings, the sex isn’t going to be good… and that’s not the truth, either, because the concepts of good and bad sex are all in our heads and at the root of this is how we think and feel about sex and all the conditions that get set that we feel “allows” us to have sex at all.

One could easily say that if you’re in a relationship and you’re wanting sex from your partner, um, you’re making a booty call of sorts but this is different because, in the relationship mode, you expect to have sex with your partner… but we also know how that can go, too, don’t we?  So sex in a relationship is with someone you’re supposed to have sex with… but casual sex is sex with someone you want to have sex with and if there is a relationship – and if you want to nitpick this – it’s just a sexual relationship but a relationship state that so many of us have issues with and to the point where we just will not pick up that phone and make the booty call and choose to suffer with our horniness.

It makes me ask the question, “If you could do something about it, would you do it?” and I know a lot of people whose answer would be no… and it’s not because they don’t understand the need to get laid but it’s all about how they see themselves about it and how others would see them.  Ask someone why they wouldn’t make a booty call if they needed one (or take a booty call) and you might be surprised at the diversity in their answers… but you will also see a pattern emerging and one that points back to one’s self-image, self-esteem, self-worth and that concern of, “What would my friends (or other people) think?”

If you could do it, why wouldn’t you do it?  Would you pick up the phone?  Could you pick it up?

Inquiring minds wanna know…


Posted by on 15 July 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

10 responses to “Pick Up the Phone

  1. ellendolfan

    15 July 2014 at 13:46

    I was involved with a married man when I was single, and it was just about sex. I didn’t want a relationship with him or a “happily ever after”. He would come over, we had sex and he went home. In spite of my very religious upbringing, and staying a virgin for so long, I had no problem having sex without love. It’s fun, so why not?

    I’m not going to say I didn’t have a lot of guilt for the married guy, but it happened and we went with it. So, yes, I have been a booty call. We both got what we wanted from it.

    I’ve been with my husband for 21 years now, and I’ve never slept around on him. He does his best to keep up with me, and when I want more, I take care of myself. I don’t have many hang ups about sex. I enjoy it, and do it whenever possible.


    • kdaddy23

      15 July 2014 at 14:38

      If we, speaking general or on the whole, can get into our heads that sex without expectations or conditions is really fun, then there wouldn’t be so many people going without getting laid and being overly worried about image and, as such, ignoring their need for sex. If you’re in a relationship and you are getting laid then a booty call isn’t necessary… but that doesn’t mean that being in a relationship will negate the need for a booty call – just ask Rouged about this one.

      Yep, when you’re with someone, everything that can be done should be done to keep the sex between the two of you… but if you don’t have anyone or the person you’re with is somehow unable or incapable of giving you the sex you need, what do you do? You could leave them but that might not be a smart thing to do; you could cheat on them which could be equally unsmart. It kinda sets the stage for the opening reasons for negotiated infidelity, if you wanna take things a little farther past the concepts of the booty call.

      The dynamics begin to get very interesting but keeping things at a “simple” level, if you – read this as anyone reading this – could do a booty call, would you do it and simply because you could and because you needed to? How many of you would say yes… and how many would say no and if you say no, what are the reasons?

      See, the shit is about to get interesting…


  2. rougedmount

    15 July 2014 at 16:06

    i am seriously reevaluating my prior notions and i am sure it will be a journey…I am glad i inspired you..i love the flip side you bring to what i say – love it – it makes me look at things differently and i need that to grow.


    • kdaddy23

      15 July 2014 at 16:16

      We make getting laid harder than it has to be, like making a booty call because you know you need to get laid but not doing it for reasons that, upon further review, might turn out to just be excuses instead of a true, legitimate reason.

      And if what I’m writing makes you think, then my purpose has been served. One may or may not pick up the phone but at least I got them to think about the whole thing…


  3. ellendolfan

    15 July 2014 at 17:10

    I love my husband. I love knowing I can curl up in his arms, and go to sleep. But if I was single, I kind of think I’d rather have a friends with benefits type arrangement. Someone to scratch the itch when you got it. I never really liked the sleeping around concept.


    • kdaddy23

      15 July 2014 at 17:44

      A lot of people don’t like the concept of sleeping around and it’s interesting to find out why they don’t; again, we’ve been conditioned to only have sex in a relationship setting and, yep, one that’s FWB counts as a relationship. A lot of people can’t get their heads around a booty call or just casual sex because of the stigma attached to “sleeping around” and the name-calling that goes on for people who don’t have a problem with sleeping around – they’re seen to be bad, immoral people and all because they’re not having sex in the prescribed manner.

      You really have to expand your thinking about such things in order to make a booty call – or be a booty call – and not have a lot of negative feelings kicking you in the ass because all you did was do something you needed to do, even if it wasn’t in the way you were supposed to do it.


  4. dragonfly918

    15 July 2014 at 19:46

    I have been and have made many bootie calls. I don’t care if people think I am a slut. I don’t care what people think most of the time. Especially if I don’t know them.

    Some of the best sex I’ve had has been with men I was barely introduced to. I never thought in a million years that I would do this, let alone prefer it. But it’s fantastic because you can just enjoy the moment and don’t have to deal with any emotional baggage that comes with being emotionally involved.


    • kdaddy23

      15 July 2014 at 19:48

      It’s really not all that difficult, is it?


      • dragonfly918

        15 July 2014 at 19:52

        Difficult? No not that. Well it was kinda weird the first time, but your body just takes over. The biggest hurdle was having sex in front of other people actually watching. But once I realized they were turned on, and enjoying themselves, it’s fun.

        I had a guy give me a high five after. “You wrecked that boy,” he said. High praise indeed.


      • kdaddy23

        15 July 2014 at 20:05

        Yeah, that’s a big hurdle to get over! I learned to just pay attention to what I was doing and not anyone watching…



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