“My struggle with being bi sexual…“
This is probably one of the best Top Searches I’ve seen in a while and when I saw it, I was hoping that the search engine would lead them to my blog or one of the many of blogs written by bisexuals so they can begin to get some answers.
Why do some struggle with this? It’s my belief that since this is a departure from what’s considered to be normal as far as sexuality goes, it’s confusing emotionally and one’s physical reaction can be equally confusing because we’re taught that we’re only supposed to feel things for the opposite sex – but not the same sex and, here of late, not for both. Which, of course, is bullshit but that’s not really the point – the fact that this can create a struggle within a budding bisexual or those bisexuals who have yet to become fully comfortable being bi.
It’s not easy and I’m not talking about having to deal with the social stigma attached to bisexuality; it’s a mental struggle because you’re trying to figure out why you feel this way and, of course, the social/moral shit has been firmly implanted and now you have a bit of a mess on your hands. A lot of people struggle not because they can’t get their heads around what they’re feeling – they struggle trying to figure out what to do about it, how to do it, and even whether or not it’s going to be a good thing to do something about it at all. Then you tack on that weird thing of wanting to come out to everyone but not knowing whether it’s really safe to do and, yeah, it’s not all that surprising that some people struggle with being bisexual.
The fucked up part is that since every bisexual handles this struggle in different ways, there’s no singular, definitive way to make the struggles go away. Yes, you can, if possible, get support from other bisexuals but you pretty much have to work through this on your own because you’ve got some tough decisions to make, decisions that are not only going to affect your life but the lives of those you may come in contact with. I could prattle on for days about how I got through my struggles… but how I managed to do it may or may not help someone else and I’ve been trying to figure out just what I could say to the person who did this search and so far, I’ve only come up with this:
- Relax: Being bisexual isn’t the end of the world and if you haven’t come to terms with being bisexual, that’s the first thing that has to be done, like, acknowledging that you do, in fact, have this duality going on with yourself.
- Coming out: Depending on one’s environment, invoking “don’t ask, don’t tell” might be in order but if you must tell someone – and, at some point, you’re gonna have to or someone will figure it out, have a plan in place to deal with this and keep in mind that there will be some people who will call you onto the carpet for this – and it might not be pretty.
- The sex: First and foremost, be safe and be careful. You really have to think about what you want to do where this is concerned; I know some newbie bi guys seem to think that they have to do all that can be done when it’s really about doing that which they want to do… but it’s okay to check out the other stuff. If you’re already hip-deep into the sex, finding other folks to have sex with can be daunting and frustrating; this tends to make some folks jump on the first offer that comes along and that might not be the best thing to do so it’s about being patient and trying to seek out the person who best fits your sexual needs.
- Dealing with society: Pay attention to what’s being said about bisexuals and bisexuality… but don’t let what you hear overly influence you. The health risks are real – make no mistake about this – but keep in mind that you could be infected with something having straight sex alone. At the present time, there’s a lot of shit being said about invisibility, straight privilege, and erasure and the thing to remember is that no one can make you, as a bisexual, go away; choosing to be straight when you’re not doing something that brings you bi side to the surface isn’t a “crime” – it’s a choice you have and one that straight and gay folks don’t have.
I know that a lot of this struggle is trying to figure out how being bisexual is going to fit into your life and the easiest way I found to deal with this is to just stop and think about what you may want to do and keeping in mind that you don’t have to do anything – then go do whatever it is you normally do, work, school, whatever. I know that when you discover this about yourself or even know already and you’re in a relationship – and your partner is straight – that can be interesting and frustrating – and that can depend on whether or not your partner has a positive attitude about bisexuality and isn’t buying into all the stereotypical hype that says bisexuals can stay faithful or can’t be monogamous. If you think you’re having a hard time getting your head around being bisexual, it’s even harder for other people to understand it and it’s a situation that calls for a great deal of patience and even tolerance on everyone’s part.
These are some of the “general” things I could think about and without knowing any specific details, trying to tailor a plan to ease someone’s struggles in this would be difficult to write here. I will say that one’s struggles are only going to be as hard as they make them… or as hard as they allow others to make it for them and this should be avoided whenever possible and, yeah, surrounding yourself with bi-friendly people helps the cause, too!