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In the News

17 Jul

Follow this link -http://www.nbcnews.com/health/sexual-health/love-sex-marriage-get-surprising-updates-satisfaction-survey-n158251 – read the story, then come back here and let me know if you agree or disagree with the premises of the article!

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 17 July 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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2 responses to “In the News

  1. Olly

    20 July 2014 at 07:05

    Is the premise that it’s surprising? I don’t think it is that surprising that the approach to marriage has shifted. Contrary to what the history books (and the church that wrote them) want us to believe, marriage has always been in a state of flux.

    It used to be a contract for the mutual benefit and gain of two families, for the production of heirs and spares, for a good show. Fidelity has very rarely been a strong feature of marriage (seriously, I have no idea why they even bothered with “foresaking all others”) Usually it was the woman in the marriage who was expected to be faithful.

    (I appreciate I should be citing references here – I’m thinking as far back as Chaucer, the concept of Courtly Love and how it’s romance was very distinct from marriage which was a practical contract organised around the heart although it was helpful if you at least liked your life partner; the whole Henry VIII debacle, western male approach to mistresses and wives – the French Court at Versailles, how the bastard children of kings usually ended up equally rich and powerful etc etc)

    So once the L word actually started to feature into the equation and the expectation of monogamy became something more serious on both sides, there was a sway to a more conservative form of marriage, simultaneously old-fashioned and revolutionary in that it was expected that the words said on the wedding day actually mattered. It should be foresaking all others and it should be til death us do part. (There’s a whole other rant about women being perceived as property passed from father to husband – another ugly side to marriage)

    Expectations were suddenly higher (and perceived as more realistic) for the honeymoon period to continue past six months.

    I’m not saying it’s unrealistic, I’m just saying it’s not surprising that people struggled with it. With women’s lib (read: with women now behaving the same as men) both sides were now seriously questioning whether entering marriage was something they really wanted to do.

    Previously there was marriage and it was expected that the man would have other lovers on the side. (I’m not saying that’s morally right, it’s just how it was)

    They just sort of ignored the monogamy bit.

    Then marriage changed, society changed, women and men both changed. All the vows suddenly mattered and monogamy was important, expected and enforced.

    Some people were good at it and some people got divorced.

    Now there’s been another shift where people recognise that they want to be with someone but it’s more fluid than that. You have to work harder and be more forgiving. Some people can still be monogamous in a relationship and that’s great.

    But there is also the realistic expectation that the eyes of both sexes may stray at some point and how do you deal with that? The nature of relationships continues to evolve.

    I have absolutely no idea if any of the above made sense as I’m tapping away on my mobile phone here.

    It just sounds like people are being more realistic in their approach to relationships.

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      20 July 2014 at 08:34

      Nah, I stopped being surprised a very long time ago and, yeah, people are being more realistic. They don’t knock “This is the way we’ve always done it…” but they don’t accept that it’s the only way to be happy in a relationship.

      Like

       

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