When Fidelity Fails

23 Jul

Nothing is forever and things never really work out the way we plan or want it to but, even if the thought lives only in a person’s mind, fidelity will ultimately fail…and sometimes, because it has to.  When we get married or otherwise get into a relationship, we want, expect, and need for our partner to provide for our sexual needs – a little or a lot – but when it fails to happen the way it’s “supposed” to happen or when it needs to happen, failure is imminent and only the strongest of us can resist the pull of going outside the relationship – or ending it – in order to get what is really kind of a “simple” need taken care of because the reality says that if you’re not gonna see to my needs in this and my needs are not going to just allow themselves to be ignored, someone else will be tasked to do it.

Our believe in monogamy and faithfulness says that this should never happen… but the reality of life gets around to proving and even revealing the fallacy of the monogamic state, that it really isn’t possible for one person to take care of all of their partner’s needs and that an assist – or even a total replacement where someone comes off the bench and handles the business is required.  We go into this with all the good intentions to stay true to our partner… but if they’re not going to cooperate or at least give it their best shot, then our options are limited and we find ourselves between that very large rock and that terribly tough hard place and more so when the relationship, on the whole, is good and does serve our other needs.

Except when we want and need to fuck, to engage in that ultimate form of intimacy with each other and taking one for the team and letting our need to fuck go by the wayside might be required… but our needs – which are integral to our overall well-being – dictates otherwise.  We may acknowledge or even understand that situations change, people change, and it’s almost inconceivable that our partner will eventually be unable and even unwilling to fulfill our needs, pushing us to a decisions point:  Go without that succor or give someone else the job.

We might not want to do that – it goes against everything we’ve been taught about being in a relationship but what choices do we have?  We can do nothing; we can dissolve the relationship; or we can take matters into our own hands… and it’s a tough choice for some and it’s even an easy choice for some because while marriage and relationships seek to overrule Rule Number One – take care of your own ass first – eh, it doesn’t always work even though we know that Rule Number One is supposed to be, “The relationship comes first no matter what; the old Rule Number One is hereby rescinded and has been moved further down the list.”  You will comply; resistance is futile.

Logically, this makes sense… only if the new rule actually works the way they say it’s supposed to but when it doesn’t – and it’s gonna fall on its face at some point, the original Rule Number One takes back its place in the order of thing because self-preservation really trumps everything else in the grand scheme of things because if you aren’t in any shape to hold yourself together, how the fuck do you expect to be able to hold a relationship together?  It’s like driving your car with only three wheels; you can do it but the longer you try to do it, the quicker the car’s gonna get fucked up – this isn’t really all that hard to understand and even when we see that the car’s getting fucked up and we need an alternative form of transportation while the car gets fixed or even replaced, well, that’s not supposed to happen and so many people wind up suffering when it didn’t have to happen like that, not if the two people really and truly love and need each other.

So if you see or even think that fidelity is about to fail, what will you do?  What can you do?  What are you willing to do for the sake of love that will allow the relationship to continue to thrive?  Would you be like so many of us and just throw it all away and then hope that we can find someone else who will fit the bill – but with the sure knowledge that if fidelity failed the first time, it can fail again because as much as we don’t like to admit it, at some point, your partner – and maybe even yourself – will find themselves unable or unwilling to fulfill the role that they promised to fill and to the best of their abilities.

What now?  What are you gonna do?  When will you admit that there are other options that could work – and provided both people can agree that it can work and that for the sake of their love, their relationship, and all of the things they’ve invested in it and each other, there are other things we can do and, yeah, maybe we should do.  They say it’s for better or for worse, even if you’re not married to each other and, damned right, worse is going to happen at some point and in some way but what are you gonna do?  Let  “worse” fuck up everything or be different and even maybe proactive and do whatever’s necessary to make sure that “worse” never gets into the equations that is your relationship?  It’s no longer about what’s “right;” it’s now about what must be done to preserves – and by any means necessary – a love and a relationship that, otherwise, is working quite well… other than this particular thing.

Even the available alternatives aren’t for everyone; frankly, not everyone has what it takes and it’s easier for them to let an otherwise great relationship fail because their mindset won’t allow them to pursue the possibilities and, at least for me, it begs a very and serious questions:

What are you willing to do for the sake of love?

I’m off for the dentist’s office so you probably won’t hear from me until tomorrow… but share your thoughts just the same.


Posted by on 23 July 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

2 responses to “When Fidelity Fails

  1. ellendolfan

    23 July 2014 at 09:33

    I’m willing to ignore my personal desires, and do a lot of self gratification. You can’t have everything. I’m not willing to lose my husband in order to satisfy an urge for someone else. I am denying myself what I want, but the loss would be much bigger than the gain would be. I made a vow,and I meant it. I may have technically slipped, but I haven’t screwed around.


    • kdaddy23

      24 July 2014 at 10:43

      Thank you for your thoughts, Ellen! It’s good that there are people who are willing to make sacrifices such as you do in order to maintain the fidelity in a relationship. That “technical slip” you made? A lot of people do it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not and while it can be a bad thing – depending on how forgiving your partner is – if it never gets to the physical phase, the slip can be forgiven and fidelity is maintained. But as I said, it’s not that someone will fall off the wagon; it’s what happens after they do. If someone slips in any way, it’s important to understand why the slip took place and it’s usually an indication that some changes are called for in the relationship so that it doesn’t happen again… but that calls for a lot of personal sacrifices on everyone’s part and if someone in a relationship is thinking more “me” than “us,” fidelity will be in jeopardy; some folks just ain’t going to be so willing to change or give up things that are deeply personal to them.

      They don’t seem to understand that fidelity cannot be instilled and enforced by mere words alone; it’s not something that takes care of itself. You want and need fidelity in your relationship? Then what are you gonna do in order to make sure it’s maintained? And there’s the rub, right? If no one is going to step up and do whatever’s necessary to maintain fidelity, it will ultimately fail.



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