RSS

To Seanonymous

26 Jul

I was going through my emails and saw someone from someone who’s not been blogging a lot here of late – Depressed & Confused – and since he’s not allowing comments on his blog any longer, Sean, this one’s for you.

When I read what you wrote, it reminded me so very much of my relationship with a guy and the moments when he’d practically melt down when I didn’t want to have sex with him.  Sure, in the initial rush of our relationship, it was going hot and heavy as one might expect but just like in any relationship, at some point, the sex goes from warp speed to sublight because mostly life gets in the way and you really kinda learn that you and your partner really aren’t exactly and precisely on the same page with each other when it comes to sex and when it should take place.

It happens.  Sadly, I guess, I’ve been the guy who has had to listen to his male partner ask why the sex has dropped off and the usual questions that comes along with this discussion, questions that I’ll admit used to make me a little angry because they presumed some things that weren’t true… but at least I was willing to set the record straight when asked.  It was never because I was displeased with him or didn’t love him – I just had other things that required my attention and things that would shove having sex a little further down the list, nothing more, nothing less.

My gay roommate in the Air Force used to make me insane with this subject – and we weren’t even in a relationship even though we shared an apartment.  We were lovers, sure, and when we first started having sex with each other, it was hot, heavy, and crazily beyond anything either of us had ever experienced (at that point in our lives).  But at some point – and no one seems to know exactly why it happens – the newness of it all just wears off.  I learned that the more either one of these guys said something to me about it, well, it kinda pissed me off because if you keep asking me about it – and they both did on a too-regular basis – and I kept explaining it as best I could, why keep asking me when the answer is going to be the same?  And, yes, the more they asked, the less I wanted to answer or even listen to it.

Oddly enough – or, rather, naturally enough – this happens when you’re in a relationship with a woman so the “problem” is kinda universal.  If there is a real problem, it’s when this happens and you can’t get an answer of any kind from your partner and it’s just my opinion that this is serious but it can put you into a bit of a bind:  Is there really something wrong in the relationship or is the partner doing the asking reading too much into the situation?  I’d say that one would have to take into consideration many factors, like, is the “neglecting” partner going through some shit at work that has them rather occupied?  Got some other things going on with them that you might not know about that has pushed sex to the back of the bus?

The key to this is being patient but also trying to coax the partner into answering – and that’s not always easy.  While you’re trying to get them to answer, you can take a moment and check yourself out to make sure that you’re not doing or saying anything that could be the cause of this although, yeah, if you keep asking about it, that could result in this situation.  I’ve found that it results in a couple of things:  The drought will continue and simply because you want me to do something that, for some reason, I don’t feel like doing or if the sex cranks back up, it’s because that’s the only way to stop the discussion… but the intimacy that was present in the beginning might be a lot less – I’m doing it not because I want to but, honestly, to shut you the hell up about it and, as you might guess, this is not a good thing when in a relationship.

When I read what you wrote, I thought that you can’t say that you’re not all about the sex – but then complain about the lack of sex; most people would think that this is a contradiction, that what you say about it and what you’re doing about it are, clearly, not the same thing because someone who wasn’t all about the sex wouldn’t be trying to find out where the sex got to and why it fell off the table – and then guess what they’re gonna think?  Yep, that you’re “too sexual” or otherwise over-sexed, that your sex drive is higher and more persistent than what your words say in not being all about the sex.  I get it, Sean, and more so when the sex with them is so damned good and fulfilling – you just want it from them all of the time and when it’s happening, it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread… but when it goes away, yeah, that’s pretty fucked up.

Just my two cents, Sean.  Yeah, you have to investigate the situation but you also have to be able to do it in a way that’s not going to put additional stress into a situation that’s already stressful.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 26 July 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
Jenny's Swinger Party and Dating Advice 🎉

23 year old real estate agent & swinger 💋

Katya Evangeline

From Missionary to Sex Preacher and Loving It!

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

"Me."

All the things that make me, well "me."

CinnamonAndSparkles

If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sexual Adventures & Erotica of a Cougar

Tarnished Soul

Searching for Peace in a Tumultuous World

Temperature's Rising

It's getting hot in here...

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Madeline Harper

ReImagined

Bellaelena

Random thoughts from a random mind

Equal Anarchy

Equality, Gender, Feminism, Sexuality

Sensual Desires

Sensual Poetry

thewritingofpassage

Writing about recovery.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.

B0Y . LU5T

Coming to terms with being male, atheist, married, over 40, bisexual, kinky and blurring the lines of monogamy while living in a conservative "red state" .

afortnightaway

Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual

DateBisexual.net

ophisophia

The Wise Serpent

myarousal

Fetishes, Gender Issues, Sexual Politics, Erotic Memoirs

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

ann st vincent

My journey through marriage, open marriage, divorce, being a Mom, sexual rebirth, online dating, failed relationships, and lots of sex

The Conquest Files

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

More Is Merrier

Views on consensual non-monogamy

Brighton Bipolar

Adult Survivor of Child Abuse and Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder - Working towards ending the stigma of Mental Illness

The Cannabis Joint

All the information you could possibly want..... coming soon!

Assentively Yours

Ramblings of a depressed mind and other nuances.

Larry Archer's World (LarryArcher.com)

Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer

theopenwife

is there a path to a successful open marriage?

thesinofindia

The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl

The Bi-Love-Ed RESEARCHER

What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception

Kittykat-bitsandbobs

Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained

Roller Coaster Life of a Fat Girl

Highs and Lows of My Weight Loss Journey

smallpenisbigissues

when and why size matters

rouge

I write when the choice is to die if I don't

My SEXuality

Why am I afraid to tell you who I'am?

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

...because love just isn't enough ;)

%d bloggers like this: