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Give Us a Fucking Break, Will Ya?

01 Aug

Bisexual Erasure – As Explained by Two Lesbians

I ran across this blog yesterday, which contains a video with two lesbians explaining why people don’t think bisexuals are real.  It’s been ‘festering’ inside my head and, well, I can’t begin to imagine what two lesbians would know about bisexuals seeing as how they’re not bisexual.  Okay, I understand that people can know a bisexual, can read all the shit that’s available about bisexuals and all of that… but here’s something that, I don’t know, seems to be kinda fucking obvious:  If you know a bisexual, have read the shit about bisexuals, then bisexuals are real – when are people gonna get this very obvious fact through their thick skulls?

I don’t personally care about some bunch of idiots trying to “prove” that I, as a bisexual, don’t exist; I know that I do and that I have for a long time.  I am concerned about other bisexuals, those folks who haven’t been around as long as I have and/or are new to being bisexual having to deal with this utter nonsense because it’s bad enough for some people have to fight with themselves about their feelings and thoughts about being bisexual – or may be being bi – but then they have to contend with this stupidity?

This is the kind of shit that should be summarily ignored but, at the same time, someone – or a bunch of someones – has to speak out against this lunacy and, if possible, try to get to the root of the problem and it seems to me, given all that I’ve been reading about this lately, that right at the root of this manic behavior are gay folks and, no, not all of them – let’s get that said and out of the way right up front.  It makes me wonder what faction of straight people are involved in this or if they even really and seriously give a fuck whether or not bisexuals are real.  Gays, on the other hand, seem to have a reason to bitch about our lack of visibility and, I will say stupidly, believe that if we – bisexuals – aren’t all out in the open like gays are, then we don’t exist.

Give us a fucking break, will ya?  Can you not get it through your head that there are a lot of us who don’t want to be all up in the public eye, that we’re happy being behind the scenes and that some of us have good reason to keep our sexuality under wraps?  Huh?  Why hate on us because we don’t have to go through the bullshit that gays have been putting up with for as long as I can remember?  You don’t like the fact that we can be both straight and gay and most of us chose to be straight right up until it’s time for us to do some gay stuff? Too fucking bad – get over it, will ya?  You want us to pick a side just because you don’t have another side to choose from?  That’s not our fault or problem – that’s the fucking decision you made for yourself and it’s also not our fault if you’re so narrow-minded and – yeah, I’m gonna say it – so damned ignorant that you cannot perceive there’s something between straight and gay… or that you’re so blind and perhaps even naive that you cannot even see the obvious – I’m sure that Stevie Wonder could see it.

I keep saying over and over:  Your problems are not our problems.  Sure, we have our own unique set of problem because we’re bisexual but visibility ain’t one of them; we don’t have to fight for our rights like gays have had to do and, no, it’s not as if all bisexuals are ignorant of what gays have been fighting for and some of us even sympathize with their cause, which has been making progress… but that’s still your fight because the only people who treat me differently because I’m bisexual are those people who don’t like the fact that I’m bisexual.  And, yeah, you bet your ass, this bisexual is thinking that we’re being hated on because we don’t have all that grief and that misery does, in fact, love company.

The haters need a reality check; they also need to be aware of what people will see about them as they continue to spew and spread biphobia – and none of it is good.  Your lack of intelligence and even common sense are showing and they’re pretty threadbare and, seriously, if there’s a faction of the gay community spreading this hatred, all you’re really doing is giving people a reason to keep on not liking you… and you should know, should have learned from history, that if you keep heaping prejudice onto someone, they will eventually reach a breaking point and then the shit’s gonna get very ugly… and history has also proven that this doesn’t always turn out very well.

I don’t know what the fuck these people are thinking about or why they’re even thinking about it; if there is a legit reason, I haven’t seen it yet so at least to me, this is some petty and childish bullshit being thrown our way and for no apparent reason other than a dislike of the fact that we exist and do so without having to deal with all that anti-gay shit.   I know a little something about being subjected to prejudice, to be seen as being less than someone who has lighter skin than I do and that’s a motherfucker to have to had lived through… and now this bullshit.

Give us a fucking break, will ya?

 
22 Comments

Posted by on 1 August 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

Tags: , , , ,

22 responses to “Give Us a Fucking Break, Will Ya?

  1. ellendolfan

    1 August 2014 at 13:18

    Yeah, we exist. I wish I wasn’t bi. I wish I didn’t have yearnings I can’t fulfill. I wish I didn’t feel disloyal to my husband because I want to experience being with a woman. I wish it was a choice. I wish I didn’t feel like a freak. I wish I was “normal”. I wish this wasn’t a part of who I am. I never had a choice. I didn’t chose to be attracted to females too.

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    • kdaddy23

      1 August 2014 at 13:40

      Now, Ellen, you know I’m gonna tell you that you shouldn’t feel that way. I’m glad I’m bi and I’ve never felt like a freak and, as far as I can tell, this is normal for me and, no, I don’t particularly care what society’s idea of normal is in this: Normal is what works for me and I wouldn’t give this up even if I could. It’s not just the sex but it’s the personal enlightenment that’s so rewarding, to know that you’re seeing the truth of people and not just the version we’re expected to believe. It is what it is and as bisexuals, we understand this because it’s all too real for us. It can be good and bad, satisfying and frustrating… but that’s just how life goes and these things don’t really discriminate when it comes to sexuality… but people do.

      And this is what really makes me roll my eyes; there are so many people out there discriminating against something they say can’t and doesn’t exist – is it just me or does this really bring their sanity into question? Saying that we can’t and don’t exist cannot and will not make us not exist. You can turn people against us, putting a great deal of fear into them so that they be either straight or gay in their affairs… but they’re not gonna cower everyone and not everyone is going to believe their bullshit – I sure as hell know that I don’t and I don’t know about you or anyone else, but I’m gonna call them on it whenever they shit out of their mouths and let them know that we’re bisexual, we exist and, apparently, we’re smarter and more enlightened than the people who say we don’t exist.

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  2. Cinnamon

    2 August 2014 at 09:18

    Simply put….it’s jealousy. Jealous that we don’t discriminate against love and sex based on what is between someone’s legs. Jealousy that it’s easier for us to “swim” through society without labels being put on us. And jealousy that on any given Saturday night, we have a 50% more of a chance of getting lucky !!! (the last part was tongue in cheek…or wherever you’d like me to put my tongue)

    Lovin on ya !

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  3. Fred

    2 August 2014 at 11:23

    There was an article a little while back in one of the major newspapers looking at some folks doing a study of some sort on bisexuals. It might have been in the N.Y. Times.

    Towards the end of the story they featured a couple self described lesbians. They asked them if they’d ever had sex with men before. The girl(s) nodded yes. They asked if they enjoyed it. They indicated they did. They asked if they would consider doing it again. Again, they indicated they might. After all that they still insisted they were lesbian.

    That led me to wonder how many self- described gay or lesbians might better be described as bisexual?

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    • kdaddy23

      2 August 2014 at 11:27

      Probably more than are willing to admit it, Fred; if they admitted it, they’d get their gay card pulled and, from stuff I’ve read, be branded traitors to the gay cause. That they’d cross over to the bi side but still insist that they’re gay isn’t any weirder than straight people who cross over and insist that they’re still straight.

      This is a clear sign that what they think and what they do are suffering a major disconnect. I remember reading that NY Times article and while it had a few good things to say about bisexuality and bisexuals, it was riddled with many of the stereotypes that we’re trying to avoid, too.

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      • Fred

        2 August 2014 at 11:43

        Agreed as far as there being more than are willing to admit it. The neighbors behind us are a married lesbian couple. In fact, they sent me a link to that story, although I’d already seen it elsewhere. I wrote back to them, pointing out the things I mentioned here and suggested that many self identified lez and gays might well be bisexual.

        I wondered about them and asked them those same questions as to whether they’d had sex with guys in the past (no doubt in my mind they had), whether they’d consider doing it again and- bonus question- if they’d enjoyed it.

        They didn’t take kindly to the question. They simply replied they were die hard, flaming lesbians. Perhaps a bit tacky on my end to ask those questions since I’d assumed most were as open and comfortable with the sexual history as I am.

        Strange how they insisted they were lesbians, although I suppose bringing up the question might have brought into their minds to issue of fidelity. If they said they’d be willing to have sex with a guy, that would bring fidelity into play, although my question was meant as merely rhetorical.

        FWIW, I’d asked one of the girls, Julie, earlier on whether she thought bisexuals existed. She said she was sure they did and that people were generally “… all over the place in their preferences”.

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      • kdaddy23

        2 August 2014 at 12:00

        Wow, you were pretty brave to have that conversation with them; most lesbians I know would have been throwing things if you asked them about anything that had to do with dick and men!

        What gets me is that people in this situation seem to think that crossing over to the bi side is… shameful, that they’re betraying their gay brothers and sisters. Like, I read a blog some time ago where lesbians were lambasting another lesbian because she fucked a man in order to have a child. They said she couldn’t call herself lesbian any more and, personally, I thought that was pretty petty because if a lesbian wants to have a child and she can’t adopt or afford in vitro fertilization, um, how else is she gonna be a mother?

        Bisexuals aren’t the Loch Ness Monsters of sexuality – we do, in fact, exist and people who keep insisting that we don’t should submit themselves to a brain scan and seek professional help to get rid of this delusion they have.

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      • Fred

        2 August 2014 at 12:08

        It might have gone better if we were talking face to face, or would it? This was just e-mail and I realized after I’d asked the questions it might have seemed tacky to them, at best.

        But, yeah, there’s seems to be some sort of self identification issue with a lot of them: “You’re either with us or against us”? I’ve kinda gone the other way myself. People can call themselves whatever they want.

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      • kdaddy23

        2 August 2014 at 12:16

        You’ve hit the nail on the head, Fred – that “with us or against us” bullshit has plagued humanity since the beginning of humanity and, today, it continues to rear its ugly head.

        I don’t care if someone says their straight, bi, gay, or whatever; what I object strongly to is the abject silliness that takes place to denigrate someone because they’re “not like us.”

        I don’t hate gays as a whole although there are some individuals I wouldn’t mind punching in the face a few times. I wouldn’t say that gay people don’t exist because, um, it’s a dumb thing to say and more so in the face of the overwhelming evidence that says they sure as hell exist. That’s like saying that straight people don’t exist, right?

        And logic, along with common sense, suggests and even demands that if there are straight people and gay people, there are some people who fall in the middle of the two extremes and, yeah, people in those extremes who might drift toward the middle when it suits their purposes.

        This dumb shit makes my dick itch…

        Would it have gone better face to face? Um, probably not but it might have been less tacky to them. I just know that some lesbians and even gay men can react very badly if someone implies that they like dick or pussy when neither is their cup of tea.

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  4. dragonfly918

    3 August 2014 at 13:55

    Never underestimate the stupidity and bigotry of the human race. It crosses color, gender and sexual orientation.

    I have often said I wish I was bi. I’d get laid a lot more often! 🙂 But also bisexuality is a lot more acceptable in women than it is in men.

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    • kdaddy23

      3 August 2014 at 14:02

      So what’s stopping you from coming over to the bi side? I know it’s more acceptable in women but there’s a bit of shit going around that bi women really aren’t bi and really attracted to women – they just act like that to attract men and while there are women who behave like this, there shouldn’t be this blanket condemnation of bisexual women who truly love pussy and dick. Yeah, if bi men are getting hated on, bi women have to be hated on as well.

      It’s a stupid way to behave…

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      • dragonfly918

        3 August 2014 at 14:27

        I’ve tried it. It’s not a turn on for me–it’s a chore. I figure if I was bi, eating pussy or sucking on tits would turn me on as much as sucking cock does. It’s as sexually exciting to me as cleaning a toilet.

        Now, put two bi men in front of me sucking cock and I lose my shit. Human sexuality is crazy in its infiniteness (I know that’s not a word), isn’t it?

        And personally I don’t give a shit what people say. They can say anything they want, it’s not changing what I’m doing (unless it’s life-threatening). Fuck em and the hobby horse stuck up their ass.

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      • kdaddy23

        3 August 2014 at 14:37

        I’m just saying but coming over to the bi side is a learned behavior if it doesn’t come naturally – you gotta teach yourself to let it be a turn-on. Many people believe it’s hard to do… but it really isn’t… and any sex you see as a chore is going to be a turn-off, ya know?

        There’s a “trick” to it and it calls for thinking more about the sex than the person you’re doing it with – a hard mental adjustment for most people.

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      • dragonfly918

        3 August 2014 at 14:56

        LOL. Dude I’ve tried it. It’s … gross, to put a non-fine point on it. I don’t even like it much when guys try to kiss me after they’ve gone down on me.

        I’m straight. I like cock. The more cock the merrier. I don’t think repetition in this case will make me like pussy more. It bores me to exasperation watching girls go down on each other–in porn or RL. (I’m not into professional football either, and will sooner slit my wrists than be forced to watch games or engage in conversation about it)

        But I will strongly defend a gal’s right to eat pussy, and nobody better say shit to me about bisexuality not being “real” or that bi people need to make up their minds. Or even that penetration is submission. That will get me a bit riled up. 😀

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      • kdaddy23

        3 August 2014 at 15:10

        Of course it’s gross… but so is sucking a guy’s dick. It’s not repetition that ‘remedies’ the situation – it’s a shift in one’s thinking about how something can be pleasurable to do.

        Oh, you just wait until you read the blog I’m writing now about this situation and I’ll tell you now that I am picking on you a little and I hope you don’t mind!

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      • dragonfly918

        3 August 2014 at 15:17

        Haha! You can pick on me all you like. I’ve had my own conversations with myself about this very thing many times, trying to convince myself. I just may be on the short end of the Kinsey scale.

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      • dragonfly918

        3 August 2014 at 15:22

        Also, I have a female friend whom I love dearly and I think she’s stunningly beautiful, and we have such an emotional connection that we call each other “wife.” And people have asked us if we are lovers. But I feel zero sexual attraction to her, and sometimes I wish we did, we would make such a great couple. Just for gay and bi people it’s not a choice, so it is with straight people.

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      • kdaddy23

        3 August 2014 at 16:31

        Is it really? I’ve never been sure or very clear on the choice thing. If you don’t feel any sexual attraction to her – and that’s never as automatic as people think – have you ever asked yourself why you’re not feeling something that you wish you did? Just asking. See, what I do know about this is that if you want to feel it, you can find a way to make it happen; just because you’re straight doesn’t mean you have to always stay straight if you’re in a situation where being straight is not what you really want to be. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a woman say, “There ain’t shit another woman can do for me – I’m strictly dickly!” and then turn around and find out that, uh-huh, there is shit another woman can do, I’d have that Lamborghini I’ve always wanted.

        Okay, choice. In my mind, it’s not that I choose to be bisexual… but I did choose to act on what I was feeling or, in my case, made to feel and it just cracks me up that there are some folks who don’t understand the nuances here. Yes, I do get why some feel it isn’t a choice – I just got it in my head that choice is a lot different and more involved. The thing about choice is that it can be changed or modified and even in sexuality, we can see the evidence of this. Even if one doesn’t believe in the concept of choice, a direction they’re going in can be changed or modified… if they want to do it and most people don’t want to change, you know, if it ain’t broke, don’t fuck with it. So the question really is if someone wanted to change – like wanting to feel sexual attraction for someone – are they willing to change… or do they really believe that they cannot change?

        I’m not saying that just because someone feels an emotional attraction to someone that the sexual attraction is there by default – the two things are not mutually inclusive but do play well with each other – and there are a lot of things that play into this, just as there are things that have to happen in a certain way and at a certain time to take the emotional and nudge it over to include the sexual – but that depends on the dynamics of the emotional connection and, of course, whatever the other person happens to be thinking and feeling… if they’re doing any of it at all.

        In keeping with the theme of this blog, it’s really not that hard for me to understand why people fear bisexuals because for some, changing their preferred sexuality is a foreign concept to them and, in their eyes, it doesn’t make sense for us to like men and women instead of being monosexual. We get into our heads that if we’re straight, this is the way we’re meant to be for all time and the simple fact that we can change that – if we want to – is forgotten or deemed to be otherwise undoable.

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      • dragonfly918

        3 August 2014 at 16:56

        I can totally see where you’re coming from in your thinking, because I have done things in the past 2 years that I once said I never would, such as anal sex for example, or having crazy porn-style sex in front of other people watching, and those things are definitely a choice I made, because it was just cultural/religious conditioning or bias that I was speaking from.

        So I have had that conversation with myself: is it a bias that I refuse to let go of? My answer always is: what could possibly be holding me back when I’ve done “worse” things that aren’t as socially acceptable?

        I have had plenty of opportunity to try bi at the sex parties I’ve been to, with no fear of censure, or anybody saying “wait, I thought you said…” And plenty of women who have hit on me and offered to make me forget I ever liked cock. I’m not afraid if it, and as I said I wish I liked it. It really really just doesn’t interest me.

        Of course, I will always leave it open. 😀 One never knows what the future will bring, as my own experiences testify. I may one day become inflamed with lust over a particular woman, and that last “barrier” will come down.

        As those in the BDSM / kink community say: I’m not into that just yet.

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      • kdaddy23

        3 August 2014 at 16:59

        You’ve been more than gracious in your participation in this discussion and I can’t thank you enough for that. I will say that at least you’ll say that you’re not into that – yet.

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      • dragonfly918

        3 August 2014 at 17:07

        Oh I love discussions with intelligent people who listen to what the other has to say. One just might learn something, either about others or oneself! And I do love hearing about what motivates folk into doing what they do. (I get quite irritated with people who have “opinions” but don’t know why they have them, or can’t explain why they chose one thought over another, other than “it’s in the bible!”)

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  5. sexuallycurious

    7 August 2014 at 22:34

    Fear motivates people to say all sorts of interesting things….

    Like

     

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