I’ve been seeing things said against bisexuals like how we have a higher propensity for mental illness than folks who aren’t bisexual and, if it’s true, it’s not all that surprising given how much shit a bisexual has to keep straight in their heads at all times. I’d like for you to think about all the shit that has to be thought about in boy/girl situations and, please, feel free to let me know at what point your brain started to get overloaded… then consider that whatever you were thinking about, bisexuals have to think about all the opposite sex shit… and all of the same sex shit… and those things don’t always neatly dovetail with each other.
This came about in part because of my last blog, that somehow got me to thinking about what I like and what I don’t like when engaging with men or women and just how fucking complex this can be and if you think that it becomes easier as you get older and/or gain more experience, um, it actually doesn’t. Indeed, I’ve heard of some budding bisexuals having to spend time on the analyst’s couch because there’s so much shit going on in their heads just about being bisexual that it becomes very difficult to process it, which often leads to frustration and depression. I know that for some, the drive to have the other kind of sex can be so powerful that it can disengage one’s normal safety procedures and entice us to do things that, in our “right” mind, we might not give much thought to doing; we might think about it but doing it? Nah, uh-uh – ain’t gonna happen.
I think that people who treat their bisexuality as two different things could be creating problems for themselves because they’re not thinking and/or behaving as if their duality is a part of the whole and being able to integrate all of this into one “personality” can be daunting and has been known to cause the purchase of a lot of headache remedies… and that’s just being single and free to bump uglies with whoever’s willing and available. In the relationship mode, the mental acrobatics can be greatly intensified because you have your relationship responsibilities to your partner – and especially in the bedroom – while trying to do your other dirt and in whatever way you’re doing it – sanctioned or not so much that way. I couldn’t begin to put a number to the things that are going through a bisexual’s mind – I can tell you, from experience, of course, that there’s a lot of shit to keep track of and keep in some kind of order and that’s being extremely nice about it.
It’s not just the initial confusion that finding that you’re bisexual that’ll cause some mental… discomfort because once you get past that – if you can get past it without requiring some mind-altering medications – you learn that it kinda doesn’t get any better when it’s time to integrate the two things about yourself so that despite your sexual duality, you’re still one person… and a person with more needs, wants, and desires than most people have. I know that over time, I’ve learned to simplify things while not really ignoring the complexity of it all because if you don’t, you’re gonna make yourself nuts and without any help from anyone else… and that’s including your everyday life because, um, you’re not living two different lives, are you? It kinda makes you see the big picture a little more and, of course, the more of the picture you see, the more you have to think about and if you’ve not learned how to discipline yourself in this, yep, it’s gonna be couch time and, no, as far as I know, there’s no uniform way to do this because every bisexual goes about being bisexual in different ways.
What, did you really think that we all did the same things and in the same way? Yep, we gotta think about what we do in either situation, you know, what we like and don’t like right along with what the other person likes or doesn’t; your wants and needs as opposed to their wants and needs and then keeping all that shit straight in your head… and then being able to communicate this to someone you want to fuck, be it on the fly or as part of being in a relationship. Did I mention that this isn’t easy to do, either?
There’s the mental shit a bisexual has to deal with when they know that their sexuality might not be understood or even approved of and in order to remain sane – and I mean this literally – one has to learn what to pay attention to and to just let some things slide. We can’t ignore them – you can’t ever “unhear” something – but disapproval of our sexuality can really have such a negative effect on a bisexual, causing levels of depression that can’t be accurately measured and causing damage to our self-image that may not be easily repaired… if it can be repaired at all. There’s all the bad sexual moments – those weak links I mentioned in my last blog – that can really and serious fuck with your head if you allow them to. You can’t get rid of them because you cannot change what has already happened but to keep you from buying stock in the company that makes Prozac, you have to learn how to mitigate these things, to put shit in perspective as best you can so that you can go forward.
I recalled a moment when I was happily riding a guy’s dick and he said something to me – exactly what I can’t remember – that just totally and completely took the wind out of my sails and made me feel pretty damned shitty. Not only did I not want to finish the sex with him – and that’s pretty fucked up all by itself – but now I found myself anguishing over what was said to me. Getting past the part where me and the guy actually wound up fighting over the whole thing – again, more mental anguish even though I kicked his ass all over the place – but I had to begin the processes that would figure it all out, you know, what made him say what he said and all that and then smooth it all over in my head so that, going forward, it wasn’t going to fuck with me and, additionally, applying a lot more self-discipline to not let violence be the way to settle these kinds of issues.
But when I think about that statement about bisexuals and mental illness, I do kinda wonder about the specifics of such a statement and whether or not bisexuality is the only or main thing contributing to someone’s, ah, instability because, yep, it’s a known fact that straight folks as well as gay folks can suffer mental illnesses just like anyone else and their sexuality may not be playing as big of a role as it seems; you just know that such things are a human failure that can affect anyone at any time. Like, I know that I’m mildly depressed… but I know that my sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with it but the fact that I’m constantly in pain does. And if I have such an explanation for my portion of being mentally ill – not that many people would say I was sane to begin with, mind you – then how many other bisexuals are out there having some issues that have nothing to do with being bisexual?
It’s just too easy, I suppose, for those looking at those stats to say that if someone’s technically mentally ill and a bisexual, well, that must be the reason why they’re having problems, like trying to cope with life all by itself isn’t enough for someone to wind up with a medicine cabinet full of antidepressants? I’m sure that having an asshole (or a cunt) for a supervisor at work and then being stuck in a dead end job has nothing to do with being depressed, huh? Or that being chronically unemployed and having every wolf in the area at your door isn’t a good reason to develop some mental abnormalities.
Shit, most of the people I know with mental issues aren’t even bisexual and, how about that, the ones I know who are bi are pretty well-adjusted and getting by just like everyone else and that’s despite the complexity of things going on in their head that includes their sexuality. I was thinking about something Rougedmount said in her comments to my last blog, that she’d be in heaven if she could be a part of a loving threesome partnership with two bisexual men and I thought, yep, that would be nice to be in such a situation provided everyone was willing and able to play nice with each other at all times… but can you imagine all of the shit that has to take place in your mind to keep everything running smoothly? I’ve been there (a few times) and while I don’t know exactly what went through the minds of the other people, I got a good lesson at just how fucking complex managing just your part of the deal can be, let alone trying to keep track of the other participants.
And it doesn’t help to know that most people who try this fail because they don’t know how to go about doing it and the mental aspect alone is daunting, confusing, and damned frustrating; if you think it’s hard getting two people to be on the same page with each other, try doing it with more than two people involved and then let me know how your mental health is and even then let me know whether or not your sexuality really plays into this as much as people are saying it does.
Maybe they say this because, on the surface, bisexuals appear to be confused because they can’t “make up their minds” if they’re straight or gay and then they say this because we’re supposed to choose one side or the other. On top of the mental shit that goes along with being bisexual, we also have to deal with the external pressures being brought to bear by those who think we’re a bunch of brain-damaged individuals. Even if you don’t react to the external pressures, again, you can’t unhear this dogmatic bullshit and the only thing that really helps guard against additional mental pressures is if you know, beyond any reasonable doubt, that they’re not talking about you when the bullshit starts flowing. That’s why I’m able to read this shit that’s being written and can say with a high degree of confidence that they must be talking about someone else… ’cause they sure as hell ain’t talking about me.
Being bisexual gives one a lot to think about, a lot to keep track of, decisions to make and then wondering if you’ve made the right decision or not, not just where the prospect of sex is concerned but just keeping your ass alive and and healthy as possible because regardless of one’s sexuality, other things have to be done and require a great deal more attention. Just this alone is enough to make someone keep a good supply of Elavil on hand and spending money on therapists and life coaches as you try to get and keep your shit together. To that end, dealing with your bisexuality might seem easy by comparison… nah, I was just kidding because even I will admit that it’s not easy being bisexual.
If what they say is true, then I hope this gives you a little more insight as to why that statement has a modicum of truth to it. Perhaps society’s answer to this is for people not to be bisexual and, as such, relieving themselves of the headaches that come along with being bi but from where I’m sitting, bisexuals aren’t any more crazy than anyone else – but we do have more to think about.