Ah, man… there’s just so much shit being said against bisexuality that it’s almost hard to keep track of all of the nonsense. But, you see, for bisexuals, all the dumb shit is just a small part of the problems we have and especially if we’re out there having the sex… or working as hard as can be done to get some of that extra special sex. The weak link in this chain isn’t whatever we might do (or want to do) – it’s often the people you wind up doing it with.
Some people are of a mind that what we do sexually is different from the norm… and it really isn’t with the exception of who we’re doing it with; we are still ‘plagued’ by the same problems that anyone would have that’s trying to get laid, from finding someone willing to engage with us, to dealing with them during sex, and whatever might happen after the sex is over and done with.
What got me thinking about this – and you should know better than to ask me why I was thinking about it – was, initially, giving blow jobs and that the ‘bad’ thing wasn’t that I was sucking dick but, at times, it was the guy attached to it that took the joy of fellatio and had me wondering why I even bothered to go through with it. As any woman can tell you, when it comes to sex, some men are just assholes; they lack appreciation, which is a really important component and their heads are probably filled with a lot of shit that gives them some cockeyed idea of how the sex is supposed to go, ideas that can make your interaction with them less than pleasant.
Sometimes it’s what they do, sometimes it’s what they say and as anyone who has ever gotten laid should know, these two things can take what should have been a mutually enjoyable moment and turn it into anything other than that. We wind up developing pet peeves, those things that experience has taught us will throw water on the fires of our lust. I don’t know about anyone else but I know I have them, just like I try not to let my pet peeves get in the way of my fun and, nope, I wasn’t always successful. One of my pet peeves is that some dudes just do not know how to get their dick sucked, that the ‘best’ way to get blown is to be as still as possible and let me do my thing. Yeah, I know that at some point, he’s not going to be able to stay still for long and that at some point, he’s gonna start fucking my mouth… but when he starts fucking my mouth as if he were fucking my ass, well, I have a problem with that. I don’t mind if a guy has his hands on my head… but I do mind if he’s trying to force my head down on him. And, as I’ve mentioned before, calling me “baby” or even calling me a bitch while I’m sucking dick is not a good thing to say and more so since there was a time when I’d stop what I was doing and test the guy’s jaw with a right hook… but I’ve gotten better; I’ve learned to stop and tell them in no uncertain terms not to do or say whatever they did that pissed me off.
I’m not saying that there aren’t “quality” people out there to have sex with… but you do have to find them. They’re the people who, after having sex with them the first time, you wouldn’t object to having sex with them again; not only do they do and say the right things but they add the most important ingredient to a good sexual experience: That appreciation I mentioned earlier. I dunno… some think that when bisexuals have sex in the other way, it’s always some hell of a fuck fest and that’s not really the truth, not that fuck fests don’t happen. But I know that there’s nothing that will make you feel worst than giving someone your all and best and you know that they didn’t appreciate any of it.
I was sifting through my memories and trying to figure out the weak links I’ve run into and sort them into bisexual dude and gay men… and almost instantly I saw that I’ve deal with more bisexual weak links than gay ones. Some of the bi ones behaved as if it was your duty and sole obligation to service them while some of the gay ones would often try to bring me fully over to the gay side. I determined that the weak link bi guys were more likely to piss me off by trying to ram their cock down my throat and call me a bitch; the gay dudes were more likely to call me baby. After I decided not to get fucked, more bi guys would try to push the issue to fuck me while the gay guys would push the issue and try to get me to fuck them. I know that it is what it is, that my thoughts about this kind of sex aren’t always in line with what the other guy’s thinking or wanting… but since we’re more inclined to negotiate for the kind of sex we want to have, it can be disconcerting to have a guy want to change the deal once the action gets going.
Not that this is always a bad thing; I believe in the dreaded “heat of the moment” situation, when the action gets to going so well that changing your mind – or having the other guy change his – can happen. And, yes, some of those moment can be pleasant, like, I’ve had guys who said they didn’t suck dick and made it clear that they wouldn’t turn around and start eating my cock; I’ve had guys who’ve made it clear that they don’t want cum in their mouth but the heat of the moment has had them slurping down my spunk like it was nectar. I’ve even had heat of the moment times when I’ve recanted my promise and let a guy fuck me or I’ve fucked them and the fact of the matter is that it does happen… but it’s also true that it doesn’t always happen and there’s a happy ending to it.
I know it irks the shit out of me to be sucking a guy and then have to listen to him begging to fuck me – that got taken off the table before we got started and, usually, once the deal is struck, sticking to it becomes a really big deal. We often have to deal with men who, again, are just assholes in the bed when they get overly aggressive and the rough stuff isn’t your idea of fun. I often thought that these weak links would develop a case of amnesia and forget that they’re not in bed with a woman and, as such, don’t think about the fact that they could possibly get their asses kicked for very bad behavior. It’s one of the things that teach us a great deal about men and how we can behave when sex is on the menu, learning a lot of the things that make women leery about having sex; you learn that when you’re dealing with a lot of testosterone, the results aren’t always what you think they’ll be.
I can’t begin to guess exactly how many encounters I’ve walked away from and have had my head in a bad place and all because I ran into the weak link in the sexual chain; running second to not being appreciated is having the feeling that you made a mistake by agreeing to go to bed with someone and now you’re spending some brain time trying to figure out just what the fuck you were thinking about or feeling foolish because in your quest for some dick, you let a guy’s bullshit sway you into doing something that you now wish you hadn’t done. There’s no worse feeling than to be in the middle of sucking dick or being fucked and having the nasty feelings of regret all over you like a wet, moldy blanket. It begs the question of whether or not you made a poor choice to have the sex… or if the person you’re in bed with was just really uncouth when it comes to having sex: Was it your fault or theirs?
I think it’s ‘natural’ to blame yourself for making a poor decision and that your ability to judge a person was sorely lacking… but I’ve also learned that such failures often occur in mid-stream, that the person you’re screwing is now revealing a side of their personality that you’d never see unless they were having sex and that there’s no way to know this until, of course, it comes up. It can push you to learn how to make better decisions, to be more picky and choosy about the guys you’re gonna let into your boxer briefs… but that unknown quality in the other guy can still show up and then it’s a matter of what you’re gonna do if and when it does.
I thought about this in the context of my relationship with the two guys you’ve heard about from time to time… and there are times when I thought that there were many weak links along the chain of the relationship and that as long as the relationship was in progress, you really couldn’t escape them. Sure, this is when being able to communicate with each other comes into play (no puns here) and everyone’s willingness to make the necessary adjustments that will take the bumpy parts out of the sex and smooth things out. There can be so much pressure to perform, which really isn’t any different from what straight or gay people have to endure in their relationships because people can change so much from one moment to the next – but you still have the unspoken obligation to make any sex you have with them as good as you can make it, even if/when you find yourself doing things that you wouldn’t ‘normally’ do or you find yourself behaving in a way that goes against the way you’d rather handle things. Like with the guy I was in love with, wow, he just loved to be dominated and even taken roughly – and made to submit, things that just aren’t a part of my mindset.
You learn how to do these things because, well, you’re in a relationship and you’re supposed to learn how to make the other person deliriously happy when you’re having sex with them, right? And I would accommodate him, not because I liked that part of me but because I loved him – but I realized that this was a weak link in our chain – one of many, actually, and even in this, you learn quite a bit about being in a relationship with someone as well as yourself; it’s pretty fucked up when you know that you’re doing something that they might enjoy… but it’s also putting a lot more weak spots into something that’s supposed to be rock-solid and immutable.
I loved the guy… but there were times when the sex was done where I just hated myself for literally abusing him verbally and physically. Yes, indeed, I told him how felt about it and that I’d feel better if we didn’t have to go at it like that… but that would just make him cry and some other stuff that drove me insane… and when you’re in a relationship, more often than not, you’re gonna relent so that you won’t have to deal with how unhappy they are over your decision to not do something that makes you want to yak all over the place; unlike booty calls (or whatever you wanna call them), you just can’t walk away and stay away when you come across that random weak link in the chain.
Being bi and, as such, being able to have sex on either side of the fence, in and of itself, isn’t a bad thing but you do learn where the weak links are on either side of the fence; you learn that it’s not necessarily what you do but who you do it with that’ll make the difference between a good sexual experience and one so bad that your last meal wants to come back and visit you. What we don’t know can come back to bite us in the ass because unless you happen to be in a same-sex relationship, there’s no tried and true way to know that you’re gonna get naked with someone who not only has quality in the bed but quality within themselves as well and if you know that men – in particular – will say anything to get you to have sex with them, well, you just know that there’s no telling what might happen once the clothes come off and what guy is going to prove himself to be that weak link in the chain.
Now, you might be wondering that if these weak links exist – and they do – why one would bother with it; why run the risk of hooking up with that bad apple or finding out that the guy you’re now in a relationship with is one way out of the bed, and something very different in the bed? I believe that you have a choice here: You can keep getting back on that horse (again, no puns) and learn from your experiences in order to have better experiences… or you can let shit like this deter you from seeking the sexual pleasure your sexuality is calling for. I know that such things tend to make people more… discriminating and to the point where they can make it damn near impossible for anyone to have sex with them. No one wants to have bad sex… but depending on one’s situation, there may be no real way to avoid it at every turn. I know I’ve learned that weird thing where you’re having sex with someone that’s proven to be a weak leak… and you just see it through to the end instead of stopping it and some even worse shit can happen; you just go with it and hope for a very quick finish so you can clean up, get dressed, then go home and lick your wounded pride. When it happens in a relationship setting, whew, that’s even worse because unless you finish up and leave the building, you can’t ‘escape’ the bad moment that took place and, yeah, at some point, it’s gonna come up because either you have to say something about it or your partner noticed it and now wants to know what the fuck happened.
Thus, anyone who thinks that being bisexual makes it easier to have sex with people are mistaken; it’s not the free-for-all behavior the myths make it out to be because just like any kind of sex, you have to find the right person to have it with… and then hope that your guesses were right. Those of you who have had the sex know what I’m talking about; those of you who haven’t taken the plunge yet shouldn’t let this writing keep you from having the sex you want – but it might be helpful to keep in mind that the sex isn’t always as glorious as the hype says it is. And, no, you shouldn’t let any bad experience put the brakes on your desire to have the sex you want in this – that kinda defeats part of the purpose of being bisexual, wouldn’t you agree?