Spreading the Fear

06 Aug

Damn it, I’m pissed off with myself because I deleted the email that sparked this writing and it’s unrecoverable!  Let me set the stage for you…

I read a comment to a blog I follow about this woman and her bi boyfriend and the commenter was seriously riffing about why she – the blog’s author – should get rid of her bi boyfriend because – and I’m pissed that I can’t remember all of what was said – she’s never gonna be able to satisfy him because he’ll always want dick, that she’s gonna catch HIV/AIDS or some other STD because bisexual and gay men are responsible for a large percentage of infections, he’s always gonna cheat on her, so on and so forth.

I read the comment, frowned at all the stereotypical bullshit that was written, and deleted the email… then I got pissed over the fear mongering the comment contained and when I decided to write this, I went looking for the email and, yep, it’s gone forever.  Making it worse, I can’t find the blog the comment was written on either but the gist of those comments stuck with me… and I just gotta say something about it.

See, people spout this bullshit as if it were the gospel truth and I’m not gonna say that there isn’t some truth to this shit.  For the commenter to say that the author was never gonna be able to satisfy her boyfriend because he wants dick is inaccurate and perhaps downright wrong because there are a lot of bi guys who can find pleasure with pussy even though they might crave dick and, of course, I’m one of them.  Now, I find that there’s some truth to the situation of when a bi guy is really craving the touch of another man and no amount of pussy being thrown at them will make that craving go away.  It does not mean that the guy isn’t going to find the pussy satisfying unless, of course, his woman is not all that good in bed or there’s some other issues in the bedroom, like fucking her feels like a chore to him, etc..  I mean, fuck, pussy is some good shit but I know that even though I might be fiending for some cock, if I’m dick-deep in pussy, yeah, it’s all good and satisfying… and I might still want some dick.

That’s kinda just the way it is… but it’s not true for every male bisexual currently in existence.  On the whole, this particular comment is designed to scare the shit out of women, to get them to think and/or believe that their bi guy just ain’t gonna give a fuck about them because he’s all about the dick… but wouldn’t that make him a gay man and not so much bisexual?  I don’t know about other bi guys but there ain’t a dick out there good enough to make me turn my back on pussy.

Okay, the disease thing.  See, people pull the disease card because, again, the purpose isn’t as much to inform but to put the fear of God into anyone who dares to deal with a bi guy.  And while there is some truth, the CDC stats that people keep using to spread this fear are only a part of the whole story, like there are ways to catch HIV/AIDS without any sexual contact with anyone, that intravenous drug users are still the biggest vector when it comes to this and since gay men are right up there on the list as well, yeah, it makes sense that if a bi guy gets with someone who’s HIV-positive, the risk is there… but it’s not like every bi man on the planet is infected with bad shit by default.  Yes, some men don’t think with the right head when it comes to this… but it’s not all of us and to insist that it is, well, that’s just more fear mongering, taking some facts and putting a spin on them so that their anti-bisexual campaign can continue.

When they pull this card, they neglect to point out how many STDs a man can get from women and more so if she’s not taking care of the pussy like she’s supposed to and, no, it doesn’t assume that she’s out fucking around with anyone – but they also never mention that women who step out on their man are complicit in the spread of STDs if they’re careless.  They fail to point out that some women developed genital herpes, which is incurable and only the symptoms can be treated – but they can infect their guy easily enough and, again, no fooling around is required for this to happen.  And, you betcha, they don’t bother to mention how bisexual women can be responsible for the spread of STDs, like when they go muff diving and get a dose of chlamydia which is asymptomatic – a woman can have it and not have or show any symptoms.

The disease fear assumes that every bisexual man in existence is totally irresponsible, careless, and so horny for sex that they’re mindless, that the use of protection and protective devices are never used, shit like that; it’s a partial truth because, sure, the stats for bisexuality related infections wouldn’t exist if some folks weren’t as careful as they should have been.  And, here’s the real clincher:  They don’t ever acknowledge the fact that not every bisexual man is out there having sex with other men – it’s just easy to assume that they are and, as such, a danger to one and all.

I’m not ever gonna say that the risks don’t exist but, um, that why you have a personal doctor if you’re smart (and can afford it) or you get routine checkups via a clinic and in either case the doctor just loves sending you to the lab so you can give up blood and urine samples – and the fear being spread about infections assume that all bisexual men never, ever, go get themselves checked out for anything.

Cheating on her.  Well, let’s be for real about this, shall we?  Cheating is not the sole purview of bisexual men or even women, for that fact.  People cheat on each other all the fucking time and even then for reasons that don’t make a lot of sense if/when they get dragged out onto the table, right?  Do some bi guys cheat?  Sure they do… but, again, those who speak out against bisexual men don’t ever mention that it ain’t all bi guys, that there are plenty of bi men who are faithful to their women (or their guys if they’re flowing like that) and they’d never cheat on her.

There are a lot of bi guys on the DL – no secret here and while they do have a choice to not be on the DL, it’s true that being in a relationship – married or not – does not allow them to see to all of their needs unless, of course, they’re with a very special woman who has no problems with her guy getting some dick… as long as he does it safely and he doesn’t fail to take care of his obligations to her and, yeah, sometimes, if she gets to join in the sexy fun.

They use cheating as a stick to beat us with – but they’re only using one side of the issue and it just doesn’t suit their purposes to mention that not all bi guys cheat… because not all bi guys are having the sex to begin with and, oh, yeah, if he is cheating on her, his sexuality might not be the reason why he is.  I just fucking hate it when people spread biphobia like this; to me, it’s like those people who quote the Bible and use only the verses that support their way of thinking – but fail to speak on what the rest of the passage has to say.  And even if these people acknowledge the obvious that goes along with all of this, they’re quick to downplay it and keep placing emphasis on the bad parts… because it suits their biphobic purposes.

If you’re gonna speak out against bisexuality, tell the whole fucking truth about it, both the good and the bad; to do otherwise is just letting your prejudice show and it’s very unattractive.


Posted by on 6 August 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , , ,

2 responses to “Spreading the Fear

  1. Pyx

    7 August 2014 at 12:30

    Fear mongering and projecting is what blogs are about!

    Blogs and this includes comments we read with our own emotions and can so easily not even notice where someone is coming from. Obviously I did not read the blog or comment but it has been my experience as a blogger with 16 years of experience (they were called online diaries when I started) that most often than not people are projecting in their writings including fear. Not sure why but I kind of end up feeling for the person exposing themselves when they write such things, it is after all the internet and no one knows where they are coming from with such things. Easy to say they are coming to write such a thing from hate, ignorance or prejudice? Yes but as you say there is also the sad truth to the bisexual tale that includes such facts – sex can be such a gruesome endeavour regardless of orientation.

    It is a shame that since the medieval period our access to information has been liberal and we still hold fast and true to popular urban myth as fact – the story is often better than the truth- but I certain hope the blogger knows to take such things on the chin and came back with a great response of her own about how loving someone who shares their sexuality with you is one of the most amazing and rewarding things in the world.

    I mean after all that person leaving the comment would have had to be looking for female with bisexual male partner type content – the internet, it is so easy to hate and get people angry from the safety of one’s home. Me? I gave up fighting with those people years ago and focus on the good but as a blogger but I have to admit that I project a crap load of stuff.

    So what is a bisexual guy to do, knowing that most of the world or a potential future partner is out there thinking and believing such things? Surely anyone should be willing to show their health is in good standing, hell I have papers and so do my partners but just because they are a bisexual male ??? … honestly I put the CDC statistics as evidence we need more education on bisexuality, because clearly there are some misconception amongst bisexuals but then I also have to admit the same goes for baby boomers because their sexual statistics are also ranked high risk.

    Maybe we believe we live in an age where ‘I can go and take a pill or get a shot and be cured’ so it shouldn’t matter has entered the way we treat sex and our bodies but we can see socially that is not the case; people however innocently come to such an encounter (even if just once) are judged and imposed upon. I don’t know how all women with STI’s are treated socially or why a man with one would be any different – yes something is amiss here when ALL bisexual men are just assumed to be careless and contagious.

    A shame you lost the email but still a worthy entry!


    • kdaddy23

      7 August 2014 at 13:04

      Yeah, it is a shame that I lost it, Pyx, and I appreciate your comments. Yeah, the CDC stats show that we need more education because while their information says what it says, they couldn’t possible have such data on every person who is bisexual or even the people who dabble in it occasionally – it’s impossible or close enough for government work – and it’s a numbers game… and they don’t have all of the numbers.

      What’s a bi guy to do? What a lot of us do: Invoke our right to remain silent about it or take the chance that said future partner is able to accept that he’s bi – a lot easier said than done, of course, because of all the fear mongering taking place and if said future partner is willing to believe the hype, well, he’s screwed and not in a good way isn’t he? In this, we make assumptions based on half-truths, misconceptions, incomplete demographic data, and stereotypes, condemning any bisexual to a fate that, when you look at the individual, they don’t deserve.

      Yep, I know that blogs are the perfect platform to get your ideas out there and, really, it’s good that there are some folks who have a negative opinion about bisexuals because it offers up the chance to debate the negativity and all that good debating stuff. I don’t really let that stuff bother me ’cause I know what the deal is with myself. But there are other bisexuals out there who aren’t so comfortable or certain of themselves and it’s a real bitch to hear or see people saying that, basically, you ain’t worth shit because you’re bisexual so I get to say to these folks to stay true to themselves, be aware of what’s being said against bisexuals, but don’t let that shit interfere with what they want to do with their lives and, yes, to be as safe as humanly possible.



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