Do y’all remember when I joined Tumblr? Well, I’ve been seeing some pretty interesting shit there, like video clips of people fucking, massive cum shots and, of course, the things that inspired the title of this blog.
I ain’t gonna lie and say that I don’t look at the clips of dudes boning other dudes – of course I’m gonna look at them! What I don’t know is how I feel about what I’ve been looking at since some of it is pretty much mainstream porn but there have been some ‘homemade’ stuff as well. I was looking at such a clip yesterday and thinking, “Yep, I’ve been the one getting pounded by the meat and I’ve been the one doing the pounding, too…” and, well, again, I’m not sure how I feel about it. It had me wondering if I wound up biasing myself, you know, because I learned that I love oral sex more than I do anal (and being on either side of that coin); I had asked myself if I had lost my appreciation of the visual beauty that’s there when watching a man sliding his cock into another man’s neither regions – that answer came back rather quickly and, no, I hadn’t lost my appreciation of the visual things and that I still understand that while there are men whose purpose is to be doing the ravaging when sex is involved, there are also men who would rather be the ones being ravaged and in almost all of the clips I’ve seen so far, damn, they’ve been getting ravaged big time.
One clip was what I’d call unusually long, showing a white guy wearing a jock – and I still don’t fucking get the whole wearing a jock thing – and getting nailed by four or five guys. Of course, being a porn clip, the guys doing the fucking were massively hung, some cut, some uncut and, yeah, it’s a bit of amazement to watch those big dicks vanish into the guy’s ass and easier than getting cock into pussy. I sat and watched with clinical detachment these five guys dump load after load into this guy’s ass and that part of my brain that tells it like it is said, “Yeah, that used to be you, too, taking on a lot of dick at the same time…”
Of course, I don’t deny that factoid but as I continued to watch – and only because guy number three was Black and I only mention this because it was the first time I’d seen a black cock in any of the stuff I’ve been seeing on Tumblr – I found myself asking myself a question I haven’t asked in a great many years: What’s the attraction to fucking guys in the ass? It’s a rhetorical question and one I know the answer to – well, the one that worked for me, anyway, but I could also see why there are people who wouldn’t find two guys fucking as something they’d call sexy. It’s something just the same, though, and I searched my vocabulary to find a word that best described what I was looking at and came up with “primal” and perhaps my mind selected this word because it really did best describe one man laying the pipe to another, perhaps out of that affinity for men or because any hole we can fuck – as men – will work for us as long as we’re fucking someone; male, female, doesn’t really matter.
20140909, 1212 hours
So the above is what I was thinking yesterday… and I still don’t quite know how I feel about it. I thought that one reason why I feel so… neutral? about it is that porn rarely truly reflects what one might experience in real life so I tend to take what I’m looking at with a rather large grain of salt. I don’t as much pay attention to the various “themes” porn shows about gay sex, you know, twinks, bears, that sort of thing, as I do what’s being done, from sucking cock to being impaled on some really big dicks and the expected cum shot although, honestly, I’ve always liked porn better when a deposit is being made – anything else is a waste of good sperm!
I think about all the sex I’ve ever had with men and one part of me says that this kind of sex is just a part of a much bigger picture when it comes to sex – it is what it is; it’s always been like this and will always be like this because for one reason or another, men are going to engage in some kind of sex with other men. The big picture thought is that it doesn’t really make a difference why “Bill” wants to have sex with “Jack” because, duh, it’s sex, just one of many ways we get our rocks off. Maybe “Bill” has that affinity for men… or maybe “Bill” just loves the thought of using his cock on another man in some alpha male sort of way… or maybe “Bill” just accepts that any way he can bust a nut works for him and if “Jack” is willing to be a participant, so much the better.
Of course, I’ve done it… but to sit and watch it being done just leaves me feeling… flat. Nope, it’s not the same as being there live and watching guys go after each other and, yeah, one has to have a certain appreciation of the acts being done to see how it could be sexy… but as I said yesterday, you can also see why some people feel that it isn’t. Maybe when it comes to this, I “lack” imagination; I never watch stuff like this – live or otherwise – and find myself saying, “I wish that was me…” I’ll see, say, porn, and kinda absently note, “He’s got a nice dick” or “Wow, he’s got some nuts on him!” – but beyond that, I dunno, I guess the clinical side of me kicks in and it’s about what they’re doing. I know my bias kicks in – I get more of a thrill watching dudes sucking cock than I do watching them fuck and I know I tend to critique the sucking skills… and laugh at those guys who, at least in my opinion, don’t really like the idea of sucking dick – it’s kinda easy to see that.
I can relate to what I’m seeing, of course, and I suppose I’m one of those people who gets more of a thrill out of it when I’m doing it rather than observing it. I realize there’s a bit of a disconnect taking place, that I can’t really touch the raw, primal sensuality taking place on the screen and then connect it to my experiences in the way, I guess, the purveyors of porn expect. It’s real… but not so much; it reflects my own experiences but not really and I think that’s because gay porn, in particular, tends to be themed – they’ve got something for everyone’s tastes… but not really. Maybe it’s because I don’t think in terms of top or bottom, that it doesn’t matter whether the guy is muscle-bound, all leathered up, or so terribly skinny that the man looks more like a flat-chested woman but one with a cock. Maybe I’m feeling so disjointed because when looking at guys on the screen, I don’t ‘know’ anything about them, you know, their personality, what drives them to want another man, stuff like that. All I see is the lust that drives one man to take another and make him submit to a fucking; I see the whole thing of dominance and submission being played out in high-definition and while I understand it intelligently, well, my emotions can’t seem to make sense out of it and they can be all over the place… and even when I’m the one about to swoop down on another man’s boner. Someone has to take… and someone has to be taken and even if they’ve given themselves up willingly and I guess it fucks with me because while I know this is the deal, I don’t really think of it that way.
I’ve been rambling and, as you can see, my thoughts are all over the place about this. Don’t get me wrong; despite these ramblings about this, I’d still suck a man’s cock without giving a whole lot of thought about it because if I don’t understand anything else about gay sex, I understand what it means to me. I might not be able to really connect with what I might see on the screen but I know how and even why I can easily make the connection when it’s real life and not someone else’s idea of what this sexual reality is. I know some of it is me; I’m not thinking romance when I’m going down on another guy or when he’s doing it to me, just like I know all that ‘romantic’ shit you see in porn didn’t mean shit to me when fucking or being fucked… it was about the sex… it is about the sex and, yeah, I guess that I’m one of those bi guys who would say that if you wanted romantic sex, that’s why you love women so much.
I guess I’m done rambling for the moment…