I turned 59 on the 23rd and it started out as a day just like any other day… until my mother came to visit… and I had a really weird moment as we sat and talked and laughed: I didn’t feel as if I were 59 despite being very much aware that I was 59. For a moment, I thought about being one year closer to being 60 – and even thought about the fact that I was the youngest person in the room (that’s always funny) – but at no time did I feel… old.
When I woke up that morning – and very grateful for being able to wake up – my mind automatically asked me how I felt now that I’m another year older and the answer came in the form of my ankles popping when I stood up, along with a little twinge in my left knee; that pretty much told me how I was feeling. As I washed my face, I saw the same face I saw on the 22nd and, seemingly, the same face I’ve been looking at for quite some time. The changes are obvious… but not so much but it drives home the fact that while the body ages and goes through those inevitable changes, it’s the mind that makes the difference between feeling old… or feeling ageless.
Honestly, now that I’m 59 plus two days, I’m not sure how I feel. I don’t feel bad in any way but I don’t feel any different and I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel different at this point in my life. I’ve not quite finished my self-check, you know, doing that thing where I look at where I came from, where I am, and where I might be going and I did noticed that it’s a little unusual that I haven’t finished it; I usually have it done and all sorted out on the 22nd… but not this year and I really don’t know why I haven’t completed it other than to think that perhaps nothing’s really changed other than having moved. Or, perhaps strangely, I’m good with where I came from and where I am… but I don’t have any concrete thoughts about where I’m going, what I want to do, stuff like that. I don’t think this is a bad thing, mind you; I just find it a little odd that my yearly examination isn’t quite complete yet.
I feel… like myself… so it’s really all good.