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Getting Wet

13 Oct

If you’ve got some time on your hands, go check out this blog I found – http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2014/10/07/fluid-dynamics-ctd/ – and this companion link – http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2014/09/30/fluid-dynamics/ – and if you really do read both blogs, I wonder if you and I have the same thoughts about the fludity of sexuality and the answer to the question this author asked, “What is a bisexual?”

While I found the first blog clinically interesting, it was the second blog – or, really, it’s the first blog with this topic – that had my mouth gaped open for a few moments as people were talking about what bisexuality is… and what they think it isn’t.  The discussion about women being “more bisexual” than men also had me blinking as if there was something in my eye because, at least from where I’ve been sitting all these years, it’s always been okay for a woman to say she was bisexual; it’s always been assumed that women just “adapt” easily to female bisexuality (but that’s not really all that true) and – stereotype alert – bisexual men are really just closeted gays in severe denial.

I can get my head around bisexuality being fluid or even flexible but in reading the above-mentioned stuff, I was a little dumbfounded to read that here in the 21st century and at the height of the Information Age, there are some folks who are totally clueless about what a bisexual is – I mean, really, how hard is it to figure out?  Okay, so, um, I know how complex being bisexual can be, trying to sort it all out in your head that you like men and women and in whatever way you do but whatever that might be, it’s in direct contradiction to everything that’s been taught ever since parents started telling their children that being straight is the way to be – and it’s the only way to be – and to be anything other than straight will get you a first-class ticket straight to hell or perdition or some other not-so-nice place in the afterlife.

That bisexuality represents a kind of fluidity is like, duh, of course it is and, yup, it’s even more fluid than one might expect given that all bisexuals are not bisexual in the same way or even for the same reason.  I can see some sense in trying to determine just how fluid bisexuality is but, wow, you’d have to talk to a shit-load of bisexuals in order to nail it down and even then you might not be able to fully quantify it because how we’re bisexual depends on where our thoughts and feelings are from one moment to the next – no one’s thoughts are truly static.  I know I can go from craving dick to craving pussy to not craving either thing in mere seconds or fractions thereof… but that’s okay, I mean, it makes sense that my thoughts and feelings aren’t going to be consistent, right?

Now, when you try to compare how and why women are bisexual to the way men are, uh, good luck with that one, okay?  Not only does that double standard come into play – it’s okay for women to be bisexual but not okay for men to be bisexual – it’s like, duh, women just do not think about these things in the same way men do or even for the same reasons that men do – it’s almost literally like comparing apples to oranges.  You could point out the differences but what, if anything, do the differences mean and more so when you again look at the fact that women don’t see sexuality in the same way men do (or for the same reasons).  This isn’t about doing – this is about mindset more than anything else; it’s about self-perception and how people – and not specifically men or women – define their sexuality, what they think about it and, importantly, how they’ve integrated this into their everyday lives.  Are women more bisexual than men?  Damned if I know and that’s probably because most of the women I’ve ever met in my life are more heterosexual than bisexual… but women are more… easy-going about it than men are; they might not be into it but if found out that one of their girlfriends was bi, eh, it’s not that big of a deal, not like it is with men – we have this macho image that we’re being held to and that has always said that real men don’t have sex with other men… but even that’s changed over the last several years… but few men even acknowledge any of this – even if they are bisexual – because as we all know, image is everything.

But all of this is a bit of an oxymoron, I think, because even straight and gay people can be fluid within their sexuality when you really stop to think about it and you really wanna nitpick the whole subject because what people like, find attractive, turns them on or whatever, is subject to change even though for most people, once they determine they have a certain “type” of person they’re ‘consistently’ attracted to, we think that this won’t ever change.  Still, when it comes to probing the depths of bisexuality, there are a lot of theories running amok and some of them that tend to make me roll my eyes a lot and, oh, yeah, a lot of this stuff is coming from people who aren’t bisexual and that, once again, makes me say that if you want to know about a bisexual, ask one… or, in this context, ask a whole lot of bisexuals and maybe, one day, you’ll find the answers that you’re looking for and perhaps one of the consistent answers you may uncover is that a bisexual’s fluidity is dependent upon their preferences, among other things and, yeah, some of those things don’t exactly translate into intelligent wording all that well.

It’s like a never-ending coin flip between what a bisexual thinks about being bisexual and how they feel and, nope, that ain’t always the same thing… but sometimes it is… and it isn’t but, oh, fuck, you know what I mean, don’t you?  There are some things about being bisexual that we all have in common, um, like we’re bisexual… but after that, it’s a wrap when you get into the details and while there are only so many ways to have sex, bisexuality isn’t just about the sex, not for some of us, well, sure it is, but not really, but sometimes…

Yeah, it sounds confusing but it really isn’t if you have even the slightest clue as to how people think and feel about their sexuality.  You’re aware that you’re straight, gay, or bi (or even none of the above if that’s where your head takes you) but that’s just a small part of what’s taking place inside your head, that one area where nothing’s really static; the mind is a really dynamic thing and we really don’t fully understand exactly how dynamic it is, let alone how it really works.  Like, unless I’m writing about being bi, I’m not really and always thinking about being bisexual, well, not actively, but, yeah, sometimes I am, but not really, well, okay, yeah, I am at times…  You get it, don’t you?  It’s not confusion – it’s just my thoughts and feelings being their usual fluid selves and my sexuality just adds a bit more to the pool.  Even when it comes to doing, there’s some fluidity going on just in deciding on what I want to do (or what I want done) and that, of course, depends on how I’m feeling and even how I’m thinking.  So what might appear to be static behavior isn’t really all that static because it’s not really about what I’m doing as much as it is why I’m doing it and, no, it’s not really “just because I can” – that’s just a simple way of explaining a very complex thing that’s going on in my head.

And if you think my version of this is nuts, can you begin to imagine how other bisexuals see themselves in this?  It kinda makes sense to try to quantify this – if we can understand something, that’s usually a good thing – but, at the same time, it doesn’t because there are just too many variables to be considered; you can get ten bisexual in a room and, sure, you might get them to agree on certain things… but not everything… but maybe the next time you ask them, the results will be different because, duh, people are different; we handle our sexuality in different ways… and that’s not all that different from how straight and gay folks handle their sexuality other than what’s obvious:  Bisexuality brings an extra “choice” to the dynamic that straight and gay folks avoid like the plague.

If there’s a way to quantify this or even “average” it out, well, I don’t know about it… and I probably don’t want to know about it because I’m pretty sure it’s not going to make sense to me because while I do understand that I have a lot in common with my bisexual brothers and sisters, I’m just as fluid about it as they are; we are kinda/sorta the same… but not really; within our differences, we are even more different and I just don’t know how this can be explained ‘scientifically’ and I’m really not sure if fluid dynamics – which is really a sub-discipline of fluid mechanics and that deals with fluid flow – liquid and gases – is really the right context to use… but what do I know?  I’m just a bisexual guy trying to figure out what all these other people are trying to figure out and I often find it amusing and even confusing at times to see them running around trying to explain bisexuality and without invoking Occam’s Razor, oh, the simplest answer is usually the correct one and that answer is, simply, a bisexual is someone who likes men and women physically, emotionally, or both; anything beyond that does, indeed, get complicated because bisexuals are the same… but not really… but sometimes we are… but not even close enough for government work, well, maybe later…

The fluidity isn’t wholly in our sexuality – it’s in how we apply it to our lives… or not… well, maybe we’ll apply it next week… or fifteen minutes from now…

 
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Posted by on 13 October 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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