Now You See Me…

13 Oct

I am bisexual and before you roll your eyes and say, “Yeah, I know…” let me tell you why I’m not really stating the obvious.  There’s a lot of chatter going on about bisexual visibility here of late and a part of the rationale for this is to dispel the myths and stereotypes surrounding bisexuals as well as an attempt to quantify and qualify bisexuality – this part doesn’t make a lot of sense to me right now because I don’t know how such a thing can be standardized and more so when all bisexuals are bisexual in their own unique way.

Bisexuals have remained invisible because, um, some of us don’t want everyone knowing that we’re bisexual and a lot of that is because we’ve seen how gay folks have been treated over the years, from being ostracized to losing their life and all because they’re not straight like everyone is “supposed” to be so, yeah, it makes sense that if you’re bisexual, the fewer the people who know this, the better; why give someone a stick to beat you with?

I sit and read this stuff about bisexual visibility and I keep asking myself, “Is this trip really necessary?” and, so far, I haven’t really come up with an answer that makes perfectly good sense to me.  I can easily get my head around wanting to shed some light on the stereotypes so that the truth can be seen but I also wonder just how that’s gonna work for us and more so since I happen to know that these very same stereotypes have been around even longer than I’ve been around; the truth is only good when you accept it and it stands to reason that if the truth of homosexuality hasn’t been 100% accepted, then the truth about bisexuality doesn’t stand a chance at this point of being fully accepted.  It’s like all those racial stereotypes we hear about:  They were brought into the light a long time ago and the truth – the whole truth – was made to be seen… but those stereotypes still exist today, just like they existed when I was a child.

So as long as you have people who are unwilling to accept the truth, the stereotypes and other misconceptions about bisexuals will continue to exist.  It amazes me at times to read where a bisexual has made themselves visible – by coming out – and they’re told that they aren’t bisexual and then invoking the usual stereotypical drivel, like, they’re going through a phase or are otherwise confused… and it irks the shit out of me and makes me say to my monitor (ha, ha), “How the fuck are you gonna tell me that I can’t be bisexual?  How the fuck do you know I’m not and if I tell you that I am, what makes you not want to believe what I’ve said?”

And the more bisexuals do become visible, the more some folks are insisting that they aren’t bisexual; if they fail at this, then all of the negative stereotypes come out, including the CDC’s reports on STD and HIV/AIDS that says that bisexuals – and bisexual men in particular – are responsible for the continued spread of communicable, sex-related diseases; then they drag out all of the negative relationship-related stereotypes, i.e., all bisexuals are cheaters, can’t have or maintain a long-term relationship, and other such bullshit that, the truth be told, isn’t totally owned by bisexuals – but they want you to believe that when someone stands up and says, “Hey, world – I’m bisexual!”

There are those who don’t seem to understand why some bisexuals would prefer to stay out of the light and one of the reasons is that by staying out of the light, they can’t be subjected to the prejudice but, really, it’s none of society’s fucking business who is bisexual and who isn’t and the fewer people who know that we’re bisexual, the better.  Having said that, sure, there are bisexuals who are just compelled to come out; for the life of me, I’ve never understood this “compulsion” and, yeah, I experienced it as well.  Some have come out with zero problems or nothing they can’t deal with… but some have gotten their heads handed to them for bringing the visibility of truth to the table and, sure as shit, if you hear about this happening to other bisexuals, um, isn’t it better to err on the side of caution than it is to invite the haters of bisexuals to give them a good, thorough beat-down?

The jury in my head is still very much still out to lunch about this visibility thing; I’m gonna have to read more stuff and digest it in order to see if this is really as important as some folks think it is…


Posted by on 13 October 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Now You See Me…

  1. ellendolfan

    13 October 2014 at 14:48

    I can’t tell you why I felt the need to come out, because I don’t know. But, by doing so, I have accepted that part of me that I kept hidden most of my life. I can’t physically explore what it means to be bi, but I can learn. And I don’t have to hide myself away. By me being me, I’ve made some new friends that I possibly might not have before. I’m better for coming out. I’ve lost a few false friends, but I’ve gained more self respect.


    • kdaddy23

      13 October 2014 at 14:52

      I don’t understand that need either – it doesn’t make sense in the face of all this angst about bisexuals – but some of us do it and are better for it and some aren’t. While being out to yourself – and, thus, visible – is good for peace of mind and all that, I’m not sure that I understand what bisexual visibility is all about at the top level of things; like I asked, “Is this trip really necessary?”



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