I’ve often wondered why some men my age (or in this neighborhood) turn to having sex with other men. I’ve ‘met’ a lot of guys who are 40+ who, for various reasons, got interested in dick and, yeah, I’ve kinda wondered why and what happened for them to make the switch after living a heterosexual life up to that point. One older man came to mind immediately because he just sticks out in my head like a shining light in the darkness.
At the time I first “met” him, he was 63 and while I wasn’t his type – he wasn’t into Black men – we talked about how we came to be the way we are. He told me that until he was in his late 50s, he was as straight as an arrow but found himself being pulled in the direction of having sex with other men. He didn’t go into great detail but I got the impression that somewhere along the line, he tried it and liked it; he also told me that he developed a severe case of ED, had surgery to remove his prostate to ward off cancer and that his thing was to suck cock and get men to fill his backside with sperm.
He allowed that while his condition didn’t allow him to have sex with women – even Viagra couldn’t help him get it up and keep it up – he found that having sex with men was less complicated, that there were guys who would readily agree to having him suck them off and allow them to fuck him in the ass although he did also say that even though getting hard was a problem and that he couldn’t shoot any sperm, he liked to be sucked because erection or not, it still felt damned good.
Over time, I ran across many such men, some with similar stories, some because they became disgruntled being stuck in a sexless relationship so instead of being made to endure forced celibacy, they turned to having sex with men as their sexual outlet and after having met so many of these guys, it made me wonder if this could be some “natural progression” or even something that “logically” made sense as something to do when the old lady is refusing to give it up for whatever reason.
One guy told me, “Man, I had to do something, ya know? I just couldn’t take not being able to fuck my wife and jerking off just wasn’t getting it done for me!” His statement had me thinking about this because, well, they could have stepped out and had their fun with another woman, right? Why choose to do it with other men? One guy told me that doing it with another guy just made sense and more so since he’d always been curious about it so when the opportunity arose for him to check it out, it just made sense to him to get into it and despite having his old lady fussing with him about it, he didn’t regret the decision to discover the pleasures being with a man provided.
A lot of the guys I talked to about this implied that they didn’t have much a choice. One guy told me that he was fed up playing the game with his wife and other women in order to get into their panties and discovered – like so many of us do – that getting a guy to agree to sex is a lot easier. The guy, who was 49 at the time, said, “Man, you just get so fucking tired of the bullshit women put you through! Some of those bitches think that just because they ain’t interested in sex means I shouldn’t be interested in no more and that just ain’t fuckin’ gonna work, ya know what I mean?”
Some guys I talked to confessed to not being lucky with women at all, like, they could count on one hand (or both) the number of times they successfully got laid in the conventional sense and because, by their own admission, they weren’t all that attractive… but, sure, there are guys out there who don’t care if you look like you belong on the cover of GQ or not… but if you’re willing to go along with the program, then come on, man – let’s get naked and do something.
I’m still trying to figure it out, trying to look at the possible root causes and make some sense out of it. Okay, I’ve been bisexual for a long time now but my curiosity is still very much intact and gets me thinking about why a guy who’s been heterosexual for so long would turn to liking sex with men? There’s no one, singular, clear answer; some guys confessed to latent bisexual feelings, some were pissed off with women (specifically or generally) and just a couple of men said they went this way because of their inability to perform with women.
Why would I be so interested in this? Well, simply, it’s because I’m one of those older guys now and even though I’ve been bisexual from the start (or close enough for government work), it just never fails to amaze and interest me when I learn of a 40+ guy turning to dick for some additional sexual – or even emotional – pleasures. Is it a measure of last resort? Another way to manage a libido that time or even health has failed to diminish? I don’t know the answers and I probably will never find the answer in the time I have left to me… but this is so damned fascinating. Since I’ve “always been this way,” hell, yeah, I’m interested in why men wind up changing their MO once they get past the age of 40…