Why Am I Like This?

24 Oct

There are some who say that you just don’t wake up one morning and “decide” that you’re bisexual but, yeah, you can do just that.  There are those who argue whether bisexuality is a choice or not and I have my own thoughts about that because while you may not choose to have these feelings, you do choose whether or not you’re gonna do something about those feelings.

Some discover bisexuality in their youth, during that sexual exploration phase that a lot of people tend to shrug off as being irrelevant because everyone knows that children aren’t smart enough to know anything about sex and, besides, didn’t we tell them to not even go there?  Maybe so… but that doesn’t change the fact that they do go there, from experimenting with friends to experimenting with siblings and other relatives.  Yeah, I said that… because even if we choose to turn a blind eye to such a “heinous” thing, it does happen.

Some discover bisexuality after getting into their adult years.  Maybe they “fooled around” when they were younger but it kinda stuck with them, hanging out in the background almost totally unnoticed until something brings it back to the front of the bus and it could be anything that will reawaken thoughts and feelings about it, from a fantasy up to and including watching porn of any kind and, yep, sometimes that awareness returns in ways that could easily be blamed on the alcohol and other intoxicants.

Some discover bisexuality because to them it’s just a logical thing to do, like, they’ve done pretty much everything they could do with the opposite sex so it’s time to try something new.  Since people kinda/sorta enjoy playing games with their sex, some have been introduced via D/s or even BDSM action; your master or mistress commands that you get jiggy with someone who’s the same sex as you are and their wish is your command and all of that and to some of those folks, they actually don’t see this as being bisexual, something I’ve always found funny as much as it is interesting.

At the end of the day, it almost doesn’t matter how you got to be bisexual – what you do about it (or not) does matter.  I know a lot of people have asked themselves why they feel this attraction or even why they had fun fooling around and, honestly, no one has come up with a definitive answer but I’ve chalked it up to just being a part of human nature even though we’ve gone through great lengths to insist that everyone be straight.  Maybe we’re all born with the potential thanks to evolutionary things or, yeah, maybe some of us really do wake up one morning and know – or even decide – that there’s a real interest in the same sex, be it emotional or even physical.  It gets questioned because, yeah, um, aren’t we supposed to just be interested in the opposite sex and if that’s true (which it isn’t), then why am I like this?  Even I questioned it and after a really extended period of time thinking about it, the best answer I could come up with was, “You just are – deal with it… and stop bothering me with this ’cause I got better things to think about, okay?”

It can be a hard thing to accept and I know a lot of people who have gone out of their way to not accept it even when they know they’re really just lying to themselves about it.  They say they can’t be, that they won’t be, that giving in to the urges within them is wrong, can’t be done, shouldn’t be done and yet, try as they may, the thoughts and feelings are still there and waiting to be acted upon which, for many, is the real problem.  If you’re reasonably intelligent – and I mean no insult to anyone – it’s not that hard to figure out that, okay, I’m bisexual – I get turned on by those who are the same sex as I am… but then there’s the one question that some find very difficult to answer:  “What do I do about it?”  As far as I know, there are only two choices here:  Do… or do not (thanks, Yoda!).  Some find it “easy” to do not while others spend a lot of very frustrating moments trying to figure out how they can do something they’re not supposed to do.  Of course, some do figure out how to answer the call and even then they might ask themselves why they like whatever they’ve done so much but, eh, that answer is usually a no-brainer:  You liked it ’cause it was good to ya!

Some answer the call and that first experience can be less than stellar and since it wasn’t, they “walk” away discouraged and wondering why they even bothered to go there as well as vowing to never go there again… but it’s still there, lurking in the background and just waiting for another opportunity to come by.  I’ve reasoned that doing something once doesn’t really answer the question and it can take a few more times to get jiggy with the right person that allows all of this to make sense.  There are some who by their own admission want to be bisexual – and why they do can be varied – but when they give it a shot, um, okay, that didn’t go the way they thought it might have gone.  They usually give up, too, and I’ve thought that who you do it with plays into being able to do it as well as something I think is obvious:  You have to learn how to do stuff and that includes overriding that thing inside your head that’s saying, “Ew!  You’re not supposed to do that!”  I mean, really, if you learned to eat pussy or to suck dick, doesn’t it stand to reason that if you’ve got the bi urge to do something, you’re gonna have to learn something “new?”

Yeah, sometimes, being bisexual calls for some work and this part of it isn’t always immediately gratifying.  In this, some people just give up while other apply a version of the scientific method and give it enough shots to definitively answer the question of whether or not they really and truly like doing something about the way they feel in this and, sure, your results will vary like a motherfucker…

Just some kinda random thoughts  I had about this.  Sometimes I see people beating their heads against the wall trying to figure out what they’re gonna do about this or how to do something about it… but not really looking at why they may feel the way they do which is, of course, driving their need to do something about it.  Answering the question calls for a bit of introspection and close self-examination and with as much objectivity one can bring to bear when looking at themselves.  Just don’t be surprised if the answer you come up with is, “You just are…” – although “I don’t know” can be the answer as well because unless you can point to some event in your life, yeah, maybe you did just wake up one morning and found yourself bisexual…

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Posted by on 24 October 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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