It’s a rainy, cold, and dreary day and a thought crossed my mind about deeper answers to certain questions I’ve been asked about my sexuality. See, it’s not really that I’m bisexual although it is at the root of a great many things and allows me a certain… diversity when it comes to things sexual. I was thinking about being bi, what it means, how I’ve defined it for myself as well as the ways I’ve executed and acted upon my needs for this sexual diversity and while I’ve never questions my feelings about women and I’ve answered some questions about my feelings – or an obvious lack of them – for men, I found myself asking a question of myself and a question I’ve probably asked myself a million times or more:
Why do you do what you do?
The sex, in its many forms, has been good or bad although I’ve gotten it into my head that any sex you can get is a good thing, taking a lot of things into consideration. I thought about oral sex and while I understand a little something about oral fixation, you eat pussy because it’s a fun thing to do; it tastes good, it feels good to do it and the effects it has on the woman can be gratifying and, yeah, maybe disappointing at times but it’s not always about the end result (or lack thereof if that’s the case) – it’s about doing it. Likewise, I think about blow jobs from both sides of this coin, being on the receiving end and being the one handling the business and, again, it’s not about the end result or even the lack of a result – it’s about the doing or being done, being in that pleasurable moment and being able to appreciate experiencing the moment at all because it could have not happened.
Why suck cock? For me, it has little to do with some “fixation” on men or any real sense of affection for them other than, okay, I like you. I don’t know about anyone else who sucks dick – male or female – but I do it because, like eating pussy, it tastes and feels good and it’s just a sinfully delicious thing to do, maybe not so much for him but for myself. It’s a challenge and often a battle of wills; we both want the same thing, that ending that becomes apparent when his sperm is jetting into my mouth but, at the same time, he doesn’t really want to do that and I very much want him to… or maybe he does and I want to prolong my pleasure by denying him his release when he wants it. Oh, hell, yeah, there are mind games at work in this, whether it’s eating pussy or sucking cock and while any results will be whatever they’ll be, it’s not the destination but the trip along the way.
Fucking is one thing and it’s almost self-explanatory… ah, but to be fucked, well, now, that’s something quite different and as anyone who has ever been fucked will tell you. I know I chose to step away from this particular aspect just as I know that I have, on occasion, made exceptions to the rule or, if you will, broken the promise I made to myself but it’s like being guilty with reason and the sole reason is that it does feel good and in some very odd ways. It’s doing a feminine thing while not being feminine about it at all; it’s about being taken, submitting one’s self to being used for someone else’s pleasure which, on the surface, sounds like a very fucked up thing to do but, when you look a little deeper, yes, you’re on your back, or on your knees, or on your stomach or even riding the wood and it’s all because of two things: It feels good and you wanted to be in that position. The end results, again, are what they are and for better or worse… but it’s not really about the results, is it? No, it’s still about the journey taken and because you wanted and needed to make the journey – and all because it’s there to be taken.
It’s about the sex, make no mistake about it and it’s not so much about whether the person I’m having sex with is male or female because both bring some pretty heady shit to the table, that special passion and heat that women bring to the bed that cannot be duplicated by a man… but also that very different passion and heat that only men can deliver. It’s having that innate understanding of these things that made me do the things I’ve done; at the high levels, it’s pleasing and being pleased but much deeper, well, okay, I tend to run out of words that would adequately describe what it’s like to be in the deep end of the pool. It’s being hungry, being slutty, being just a wanton slab of flesh as well as being on the other side of this, to be the one doing the taking or perhaps even receiving and not just because it can be done but because it all satisfies that need to do it and in those ways you find the most satisfying.
Why do I do what I do? Well, why the fuck not? I can step aside from the emotional aspects, you know, those things that fuel my passions and desires that often have no words that can describe them and think about the logic of it all: If you say you like sex, then why not experience it in as many ways as you can? Why not eat pussy and know the indescribable thrill of cumming inside her? Why not suck dick and, in turn, have your dick sucked when you know – when you have learned – that deep down inside, it may be about the person doing the sucking… but it’s all about that particular pleasure and how wickedly delicious it can be. Why not know what it’s like to be fucked? Logic suggests that if you ever wondered what it was like to be fucked, don’t ask someone who you’ve fucked; step on up there and find out for yourself and whether you like it or not won’t change the fact that you will get the question answered.
It’s about removing inhibitions, those things that are in your head that tell you that sex can only manifest itself in one form or another, that you should just stick to the “tried and true” ways of pleasing and being pleased and don’t you dare think about stepping into that forbidden territory where pleasure can be found by someone who is, at least on the surface, just like you. It’s the thrill of sex, the anticipation of the journey and the things you will do along the way that not only provides pleasure for the person you’re with but gives you such pleasure to be a part of, whether you’ve got your face buried into the wet heat of a woman’s pussy or you’re drowning in the thick musk of a man as you orally bring him to his release.
And then there’s doing it even when you know that it could be a near-religious experience or the worst mistake you could possibly make… but that’s if you’re really all that worried about the end result and you go into it with the mindset that it has to be good and not going at any of this with the thought in mind to make it as good as you can, not so much for your partner but for yourself because it just makes sense that if you feel so fucking good doing it, they’re gonna benefit as well. People make sexual experiences good or bad… but to be able to eat pussy and suck dick, all by itself, is such a rush and, again, I don’t know about y’all but when I’m doing these things, sure, the result is on my mind… but I am having so much damned fun taking the journey and getting “lost” along the way. It’s kinda about seeing sex for what it is, what it’s meant to be and, yup, what it can be if you can dare to go beyond that which is considered normal and, for me, being bisexual fit the bill quite nicely. It has shown me things about sex, doing the taking and being taken, that no singular form of the act can provide, like only having sex with women or only having sex with men.
Oh, that can be quite the journey as well, no sense in denying any of that. But I’ve found that when I can do both, well, fuck, does it really get any better than that? Yeah, it can, but I’m not gonna say anything about that right now. No, the answers to those certain questions all lie in the doing and the only expectation allowed is being able to make the journey and not being all that worried about the results. Sure, those results are important but some of the deeper answers is about focus; it’s not about what you’re doing or what you expect and/or hope to happen – it’s about why you do it and what you’re gonna do that, hopefully, will get everyone to the expected result.
When you’re bisexual and are able to have the sex that’s possible in this, the lines become blurred and are often erased because while it is about the pleasures that can be had with a woman and a man – and both at the same time if you can do it like that – it’s not really about who in that sense but your desires – my desires – to be in that sexual moment in the first place, to not care so much about the end result and being able to appreciate the journey itself. This, in part, is what it’s like to be in the mind of this bisexual and what it’s like for me to be in the moment with someone and without a lot of thought to whether or not they’re male or female. It’s sex for the sake of sex – something that gives most people the willies because they believe sex has to have some kind of meaning other than what is – or could be – obvious. Yes, you do it out of love and all that but as a bisexual, I’ve learned a few things about sex and what, at least to me, what it really means. I don’t do the things I do for the end result:
I do them for the journey and the sheer thrill of it all.