It’s time for an interlude or even a kind of intermission; with all the things I’ve been writing about regarding bisexuality – and male bisexuality in particular – it’s time to take a break and do a bit of thinking about quite a few things.
If this is new to you, yep, there’s a lot of shit one has to take into account, from sex to relationships to coming out if needed as well as dealing with the plethora of stuff running around in your head. If this is not-so-new to you, you probably have things squared away or as squared away as your particular situation will allow and you might even be examining possibilities where getting into some continuing education in bisexuality is concerned. As I’ve said so many times, this is a lot to think about and it can be overwhelming; being bisexual has this “way” of calling for action in this when most of the time – and in my opinion and experience – thinking is really called for.
Bisexuality isn’t static – it changes constantly depending on one’s thoughts, feelings, mood, etc., and it’s just not enough to say, “Okay, yeah, I’m bisexual…” and then go forward as if this is going to take care of itself. It stands to reason that if a bisexual has to put in some work on the heterosexual side of the equation, this side calls for a nearly equal amount of work because even if you’re not engaging in any of the sex, you still have to manage your sexuality and, for that, a bit of introspection is called for.
There’s thinking and then there’s doing and while one tends to beget the other – cause and effect – they’re really not the same things. You might not always be able to do when it comes to this… but you can always do some thinking about it even though there are a lot of bisexuals who’d rather not take or waste the time thinking about this part of themselves; to them, this is “something else” and some behave as if being bisexual makes them two different people and, if they happen to be in a relationship, the heterosexual side of them requires all of their attention. I don’t find this all that unusual but there are times when one’s bi side will “pop in” and make its presence felt and because some folks tend to not pay attention to it, it surprises them to have that flood of thoughts, feelings, and even desires wash over them.
As I’ve said, this is a lot to think about, even for someone who’s been bisexual for as long as I have and despite the tons of experience I have in this, I never, ever, stop thinking about it because, well, I just have to be totally and completely aware of how my sexuality fits in with everything else in my life and not treat my sexuality as being some other thing that can be ignored. I kinda “remind” myself – and unnecessarily so – that I’m not really two different people – I’m one whole person but also one who is, shall we say, sexually diverse (how’s that for being PC?) and given that I’m who I am, sure, this is something I always need to be aware of because I can no more not pay attention to my bisexuality than I can not pay attention to breathing. My thoughts aren’t always about doing… but if I were to say that none of my thoughts were about doing, I’d be lying like a rug because it’s just instinctual for me to (a) think about sex and (b) think about all the ways I could have sex and then spend some time basking in my sexual diversity because, yeah, damned skippy, it’s so good to be a bisexual and even in the face of so much social derision.
I read this blog a little while ago – http://harriefarrow.blogspot.com/2014/11/advice-for-coming-out-as-bisexual.html – and, hmm, I admit to being a little baffled at what this author had to say about this and while I don’t really discount any of what she had to say, I did think about a couple of things and beginning with a couple of questions: Why do bisexuals have to come out? Why is there so much of a push in this?” As I continued to read, I admit to shaking my head about a couple of things, like, why would it be “necessary” for a bisexual to come out to a gay person and are there really people who (a) don’t know what bisexuality is and (b) would confuse bisexuality with anything else including being gay? I mean, who does this? I just shrugged and thought that if the author was writing about this, hmm, there just might be some horribly clueless people out there in the world and if this is true – and one can probably reasonable assume that it is – why would you, as a bisexual, ever want to come out to someone who doesn’t even know what you’re talking about?
It’s things like this that become food for thought for bisexuals… or, at least, I think it should. You don’t have to buy into stuff like this but being bisexual is also about being aware of what’s being put down where being bi is concerned and, yeah, some of the stuff I’ve tried to digest tends to make me roll my eyes and even laugh a lot… but I have the advantage of having been bisexual for so long and beginning in a time where the current stuff out there wasn’t even thought of… and the people writing it hadn’t been born yet. Still, this doesn’t stop me from my continuing education and mulling things over in my mind – and it shouldn’t stop any other bisexual, male or female, from a similar pursuit. Once again, bisexuality isn’t static even though a lot of us treat it as if it is and if you’re working on managing your sexuality, then it makes sense to think about what’s going on today and, importantly, how and/or if any of it is going to impact your life in some way. Maybe it does or doesn’t… but knowledge is power after all.
You may or may not feel the need to act… but we, as bisexuals, should take the time to think about this wonderful yet annoying thing about us. Do or do not as your situation calls for… but if you don’t do anything else about being bisexual, just take some time to think about it and (a) get your “house” in order if you haven’t already and (b) have a good feel and handle on what being bisexual means to you and the life you’re trying to live.
Time to check the clothes in the dryer…