How many times in my life have I been asked this question? Uh, if you were looking for an exact number, nah, I ain’t trying to compile one but let it suffice to say that I’ve been asked this question a lot. I thought about this and thought about my evolution, from my first taste and feel of dick right up to and including the moment when I felt that being fucked wasn’t as much fun as it used to be – we’re not gonna talk about the exceptions at this time (see my blog, “The Shower”).
The first time I felt sperm being pumped into my ass, I thought it was just plain wicked fun, evoking a flood of feelings that defied description, you know what I mean, that jumble of thoughts and feelings that, at the end, can only be summed up one way: It feels good. Going forward from that landmark day, it just seemed… natural to not only suck dick but to take in the ass as well – I later learned that the two things don’t always have to be done together but, of course, before I learned this lesson, it just made sense and, again, it was such wicked fun. A given was established: If you fucked a guy in the butt, it was just downright courteous to let him fuck you and one learned quickly that if you didn’t like being fucked, don’t even think about asking a guy if you could fuck him, the only exception in our little group being the one kid who was more interested in being the “girl” in our, ah, sessions.
Even if the fucking was done in the intercrural way, it’s not all that easy to describe how good it felt to feel a guy on top of you and humping away until he spilled his load and I got to a point where it didn’t matter if the guy dumped his cum inside me or between my butt cheeks; it didn’t matter if he took his time creaming me or if he unloaded soon after getting started. Later in my evolution, this didn’t change a whole lot and I’m not really sure why it didn’t and more so when dealing with older guys, there was so much angst against cumming too soon; I guess it was assumed that if women didn’t like this happening, then guys who liked to be fucked would be the same way and while I knew that there were guys who’d get bent out of shape if the guy fucking him busted that nut too soon, nah, it didn’t matter much to me as long as I could feel him busting said nut and, besides, if he got off “too fast,” he could always get hard again and do it again… sometimes.
As I grew into my teenaged years, there didn’t seem to be a lack of guys asking me this question and, at first, it was quite flattering to be hit on but later, eh, not so much as I ran into guys who were so… equal about things. About that time, I really began to understand why girls acted the way they did when it came to sex, how some were so very eager to give it up and how most guarded their shit like the gold in Fort Knox. I also began to understand that when some guys couldn’t get pussy, finding a guy to fuck just kinda made sense… but it also made sense to now become quite picky about who you were going to let into your ass; it was one thing to be able to enjoy being fucked and something else to be used as a means to an end – those of you who have experienced this know exactly what I’m talking about. One of the downsides to being asked this question was knowing that the guy asking automatically assumed that I was gay or, even worse, having it in his head that just because I was playing the feminine role in being fucked, treating me as if I were feminine made sense to them until, of course, I made it quite clear – and often, painfully so – that while I didn’t mind sucking their dick and taking it in my ass, I’m not a girl, I’m not gay, and I am most certainly not your bitch.
Hearing the question would invoke a thought process that would have me wondering, in the mere seconds it would take for me to formulate an answer to the question, whether letting this guy screw me was going to be a good thing or if we were going to wind up fighting. Those teenaged years found me developing that instinct that would become valuable in weeding out the dudes who I could just tell wasn’t going to appreciate my participation in the acts; again, I learned pretty quick why women behave the way they do and it bothered me for a while that there were guys hitting on me that didn’t give a single thought about the fact that they’re asking to fuck someone who had now developed a point of view shared with girls: If you’re not gonna appreciate me (or respect me), go fuck yourself. I wound up getting a very valuable education and a much better understanding of being a guy and how sex alone could drive us to do… shit, sometimes out of desperation, sometimes passively, aggressively, or even ruthlessly.
While I always thought feeling a guy’s dick pumping sperm into my ass really felt good, yeah, you learn via trial and error that there are some men that you should just suck off and send them on their way, not because they lacked skill but the simple fact that they lacked compassion and even common courtesy once their cock got hard and was worming its way into my ass. I found it odd to be in such situations and sometimes hating the fact that I was in the situation – but also being able to pick out the more enjoyable moments and, yes, I found that in those situation, I just loved it when a guy came too fast just as I had learned how to do certain things when he was in me to make him cum before he wanted to. I’d be asked the question, roll the dice and take a chance with him and, most of the time, I had a grand time but, yeah, there were those times when I’d find myself lying under some crass and uncouth dude and silently willing him to hurry and cum so this can be over and I can reflect on where I screwed up thinking that he was going to treat me with some respect.
Such things would cause me to answer the question in the negative and to even categorically deny that I was into such things. It wasn’t that I disliked being fucked or sucking dick; I was learning to dislike the person asking the question and I was fortunate in that in a great majority of these times, I guessed right and, again, had a great time. I really and seriously got to understand my fellow man, from their sexual aggression to the way they’d stress themselves out over the size of their dick or their ability to perform and other things like that, things that taught me that if women were funny about this, men were even funnier about it. The evolution went from giving up the booty to pretty much anyone who asked for it to being very cautious and, yeah, even paranoid about it. My biggest concerns weren’t about catching anything like the clap; no, my biggest concern was dealing with the guy himself and it just made sense for me to find out just what kind of guy he was before I let him get anywhere near me. I used to find it quite bothersome – and I guess I still do – to have a guy insisting and damn near begging me to let him fuck me and when everything I could sense about him was screaming at me to not let him do it and, sometimes, not even give him a blowjob and, sadly, there were a few times when he’d be so pissed at my ‘rejection’ of his offer that violence ensued and, damned right, making me so very glad that I learned judo and karate.
The thrill of being fucked was being erased little by little; it became more prudent to suck a guy off – and more so if he didn’t want to cum – because of that thing all men have to deal with in some way: Refraction, that period of time that no matter what’s going on, it’s going to take X-amount of time for us to have an erection again and of course I had learned early on that if you make a guy cum in your mouth, he’s not going to have anything left to stick in your ass and that was a damned good thing when I knew, beyond any doubt, that I did not want this guy fucking me. Still, there were those many times when I’d be asked the question and I’d say yes and I’d be reminded of the thrill of it all and the intimacy of having a man inside me or being inside him; some guys were just plain, good old fun to have sex with. Sure, some of them would have the same angst other guys would, mostly about the size of their dick… but I had already learned that size didn’t matter and it wasn’t about lasting long or any of the other shit guys would be bugging about – it was about the intimacy of it all, being able to suck and be suck, to fuck and be fucked and, yes, the appreciation and respect after the fact.
Which once more brings me to the end of my anal journey. I’ve yet to figure out how that guy with the biggest dick I’ve ever seen in person could fuck me so well and it wasn’t fun for me. I was used to it being good or “bad” but this was both good and bad at the same time, something I had no reason to believe was even possible. It really reminded me of the day I stopped smoking weed; I was just sitting and smoking a joint, chillin’ and all that, and – boom! – it just stopped being fun and, just like the end of my anal journey, I have no idea why the door just slammed close on me like that.
Not that I really objected; there were still a lot of dudes rolling up on me and asking that question; sometimes the “right” guys would settle for a blowjob, and the “wrong” guys alway seemed to get their panties in a bunch and stomp off into the sunset because I wanted no part of their dicks in my ass; I’d find myself saying to those guys, “Don’t go away mad… just go away!” and, in a way, it brought home a lot of the same negative feelings that women experience when being subjected and pursued by a man’s lust and there’s just something about him that makes your skin crawl or tells you otherwise that it would be best not to give him what he wants.
I guess that there are a lot of people who just assume that bi guys have the same kind of sex gay guys do – and it’s true, to a point because some of us learn via some means that we don’t have to do all that can be done in order to enjoy this kind of sex. I have great memories of being fucked, to be lying there while another guy is sliding in and out of my ass, basking in the forbidden feelings and just waiting for the moment when I feel his cock swell and just before I feel the first splashes of his seed. You get to understand some things; you get to understand (and, often sympathize) with women and how they feel when being fucked and more so if the guy isn’t a thoughtless asshole… or even when he is. If you’ve ever fucked someone in the ass, you really cannot appreciate what it’s like to be on the receiving end; I know that whenever I fucked someone in the ass, I had a certain appreciation in this and an appreciation that can only be gained and even respected by being the one being fucked in such a manner.
Now… are you ready for some football?