Bi My Way

11 Nov

One of my pet peeves is someone telling me how to be bisexual… and more so when they’re not bisexual.  The fact of the matter is that we – bisexuals – do not always have interactions with the same sex in the same way we would with the opposite sex.  It might be ideal… but it’s not always practical and, really, not what floats our respective boats in this.

From the male perspective, we all don’t date other men as a matter of course; we all don’t engage in all of the sex that’s possible and I just find it hilarious that there are people who feel/believe/think that this is how we’re supposed to roll.  I’ve said that even though “bi” means “two,” that doesn’t mean that any sense of equality comes into the picture – it’s not really a 50/50 proposition for all of us.  Again, it would be “nice” if there was a solid way for all of us to be so equal in this… but because we’re not all driven by the same passions or even reasons for  being bisexual – not to mention whatever likes and dislikes we’ve picked up along the way – it just doesn’t make sense to treat the men we deal with in the same, exact way we’d treat any women we might engage with.

Being bisexual isn’t about quantity, in that sense; whether a guy spends more time interacting with men than women depends on his situation, his desires, passion and, yes, availability of people to interact with… but this is just as true if a bi guy spends more time interacting with women more than men.  What does it mean?  Not a whole lot beyond preference because despite which direction we might tend to lean in, we’re still not straight… but we’re not gay, either.

If we, as bisexuals, spend more time paying attention to what others are trying to tell us about being bi – and they don’t have any experience being bisexual – or otherwise trying to conform to some kind of ‘standard’ in this, we’re not doing what we’re supposed to be doing, that is, being bisexual in the way that best suits our purposes in this.  Like, for someone to criticize my sexuality because I’m not all that fond of anal sex is a joke and more so since it’s not very damned likely that they know what it’s like to have a hard cock in their ass.  That’s something they just assume a bi guy would do but, nope, all bi men aren’t into anal sex just like not all bi men are into oral sex.  I’ve even had this discussion with other bi men and while my, ah, avoidance of anal sex might raise their eyebrows, at least they understand what the real deal is:  I’m bisexual in the way I want to be bisexual.

It’s not what we do that truly defines our sexuality – it’s how we go about doing it; it’s about why we are the way we are and even though some commonality could be found if you could ask enough bisexual men, we’re not bisexual for the exact same reasons.  We might share a sexuality… but we’re still individuals and with our own ideas of what floats our boats and what doesn’t… and even why we’d want to be floating shit like this to begin with.  How hard is this to understand?  It stands to reason that if straight people are straight and in whatever way works for them – and likewise for gay folks – um, why is it that some folks can’t see that when it comes to how and why we do what we do, we’re not all that dissimilar, well, except for the objects of our lust, love, and desires.

If you are bisexual, be bisexual in whatever way works for you and not in some way that someone else might expect you to be:  You define this because, after all, is it about you, ain’t it?  Yes, it can include someone else and they’re going to have their own ideas about this thing going on with you and, no, it’s not always possible to completely ignore their input… but you still have to be bisexual in the way you need to be; you should strive to remain true to yourself even in the face of stiff opposition (no pun), like, your woman doesn’t like the idea that you like sucking dick more than she does.  Even in this, it’s all about what, if anything, you decide to do or not do in order to keep the peace in your relationship… but you can remain true to your way of being bisexual even if you’re not “allowed” to act because, yeah, as sure as shit is what it is, being bisexual isn’t always about doing.

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Posted by on 11 November 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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