There have been times in my life when I’ve sat and wondered what my life would be like had I not gotten turned to the bi side. It’s not an easy thing to do since it’s almost impossible to predict something that actually never happened and the obvious fact that you cannot change what has already happened. I can, however, look at things and ask, “What if I hadn’t sucked that dick that day?” I can look at things on the whole and see that a lot of the things that shaped the person that I am was due to my initiation… but trying to figure out what my life would have been like minus this thing is, at best, interesting to say the least.
Maybe I would have eventually been turned, by “accident” or even out of necessity? I say this because while I probably got more than my share of pussy growing up, men usually hit that dry spell, that moment in their sexual lives where they can’t get pussy even if they paid for it and while I had one of those moments, it wasn’t as big of an impact because I could always get some dick… but would that lack of pussy pushed me over to the bi side anyway? I kinda reasoned that if I encountered guys who came to me to get turned because of that lack of coochie, yeah, it could have happened to me as well… maybe.
I say “maybe” because not being bisexual would have changed the way I think – or, at least, I think it would have. I hazard the guess that I wouldn’t have been as open-minded about such things and unable to see any possibilities other than the relentless pursuit of pussy and could have had a lot more “failures” in this than I actually had – and then because I wouldn’t have been aware of my options in this, options that I know my bisexuality affords me.
Yes, there have been times when I’ve fervently wished I wasn’t bisexual because if you think not being able to get pussy is bad, not being able to get dick – and in the quantities I would have liked, is even worse. I came to realize and understand that there’s a big difference between not being able to do something and being unable to do it and if that sounds weird or it’s the same thing, it really isn’t. See, it’s one thing to be bisexual and have the desires that comes along with it but it’s something else to have never had the desires to begin with and, as such, being unable to engage in such act. It’s not being able to get some dick as opposed to being very much closed to the prospect.
I realize that if I hadn’t become bisexual, a lot of the things I’ve learned would have passed me by; my sexuality was responsible for some key events in my life, events that wouldn’t have happened had I not been bisexual. I can’t say with any degree of certainty that I would have been a “better” or “worse” person than I am today… but I would have been different. I’ve even asked myself what if my initiation happened and I didn’t like it? Would I have tried it again? Would that event left me emotionally damaged and then beyond repair or salvage? Would that event made me a homophobe? Hard to say but the questions are interesting and the possible answers are even more interesting and some quite contrary to the person I really am.
On the sex side of things, I felt that I would have less of an understanding and appreciation for sex, like, not understanding what it takes to be able to suck dick, swallow sperm, or to be fucked; the person I am now understands and appreciates these things and it makes a difference when having sex with women because I do know something about what they go through when they’re the object of a man’s lust and it just kinda stands to reason that had I not learned these things, I wouldn’t have had reason to understand it and I’m sure I wouldn’t have understood a woman’s pleas to be more considerate – to me, it would probably have been seen as unnecessary bitching and moaning coming from her.
Ah…; it is what it is, though, and while having a lapse or two that causes me to wish I weren’t bisexual isn’t all that unusual, I am damned glad that I am bisexual because I shudder to think what I might have been if I weren’t…