RSS

Taken

24 Nov

First, a warning:  If you are squeamish when it comes to the “dirtier” side of sex, please go find something else to read because I’m going to talk about something regarding male bisexuality that tender sensibilities might not want to deal with.  You’ve been warned.

Okay, so, assuming that you do want to continue, the thought occurred to me that over the years, I’ve talked to a lot of bisexual men about how they got to be bisexual and I found that a lot of those men got introduced the same way I did, convinced, tricked, or even coerced into having sex with another male.  We label such things as abusive and I’m not debating whether it is or not – that’s for you, the reader, to decide based upon your own sensibilities and sense of morality.  It’s something that, when you really stop and think about it, has always happened because, like it or not, it is true that some men will go to great lengths to satisfy their lust.

The one doing the taking could be a friend, a relative, or even a total stranger and this, too, is nothing I’d call unusual, not if you are able to take a big step back and objectively look at this and without prejudice or bias.  Even when it sounded like a good idea at the time – and sometimes it does – there are so many bi guys dealing with the emotional trauma of having been taken by another guy or, in some situations, willingly gone along with things and then find out that doing so wasn’t that great of an idea… and now they’re kinda fucked up in the head about it.  A lot of the men I talked to about their beginnings admitted they got traumatized by it all, just like they admit that even though they are bisexual, that first experience continues to haunt them; because they shared these things with me, I got an early lesson on how fragile our sensibilities can be as well as how nothing our parents teach us about sex really ‘prepares’ us for some of the realities of sex, like, you could very easily run across another male who will want to have sex with you.

When I’ve told other bi men about my initiation, I’ve gotten such an outpouring of sympathy over my having been abused and taken advantage of and while I can accept and appreciate these warm platitudes, in my mind, I wasn’t abused even though one could say that, technically, I was by today’s standards; I say – and with some dismissal on my part – that if there were abuse laws in place, I wasn’t aware of them and, in my later years, I’ve actually never bothered to find out if such things existed – and it’s a moot point anyway because as we all learn in life, it ain’t illegal unless you get caught.  One of the things that I’ve always found interesting isn’t as much how another man was taken as it is how they dealt with it after the fact.  Some retreated into the deep reaches of their minds, shutting the event away and even “erasing” it from their memories; others found themselves doing the opposite, not really embracing it but something some have said was destructive behavior by seeking out more dick and even having a preference for being taken again.  The psychology of it is totally fascinating.

A lot of the men I talked to tried to chalk it up to just one of those things life likes to dump on us and move on from there but were unable to truly do this because despite any trauma experienced, yes, it was good; they liked the sex even if they were damaged over how it happened and I learned from them how this “conflict” can fuck with someone’s head in either covert or overt ways – how we deal with this can be so telling.  One guy I talked to told me a tale of incest, how he was repeated taken by his brothers and often against his will.  He talked of one telling moment when he was being gang-banged by said brothers and while he was being fucked, just came to terms with the whole thing and, as he related, couldn’t figure out why he would resist his siblings when they wanted to get their shit off at his expense.  Shocking, no doubt… but this is part of the reality that we, socially and morally, don’t ever want to admit to.  A lot of the men I talked to who were introduced in this fashion made their peace with it by writing it off as one of those “boys will be boys” things or even as a form of youthful experimentation.

And while the method was bothersome, the results weren’t that much of a problem even though those moments would “come back” to haunt them because, morally, such things are so utterly forbidden but they realized that not only did this not change what went down, it is once more one of the perils of life, that the rules in place about appropriate sex aren’t always followed or obeyed.  Some guys related that destructive behavior thing; they knew that their male relative(s) shouldn’t be having sex with them… but they wanted more of it from them and it put into their minds that, um, they could be quite perverted because they’d seek out this kind of sex and that even when those moments passed, their need for a father figure or brotherly figure to have sex with them remained.

Some men I talked to “blames” being taken for how they turned out as adults, like, a few gay men told me that having had their innocence taken by another man was responsible for them being completely homosexual; a lot of bi guys said that while being taken didn’t affect their desires for women, yeah, that taboo intimacy just kept hanging around, fucking with their heads until they stopped denying that getting some dick was also a good thing to do.  A lot of the guys I talked to really understood the allure of it, to have sex that is so forbidden that you just gotta find out why it’s forbidden… and then they found out; many were able to adjust while many more found themselves unable to fully justify things.

Of those men who say the were abused, well, this is such an ugly thing, ain’t it?  And a lot of those guys have said to me that they’ve “gotten over it” but it continues to haunt them and not in any good way.  They didn’t as much complain about being bisexual as they did about how it happened and the thing I’ve found fascinating is why it keeps haunting them when the initial act was so far in their respective pasts – and more so when they readily admit that they know that it happened, it’s long since done and over with and many of those guys, now very mature adults, still have issues surrounding haven been taken or otherwise found they were way in over their heads.

Like, for instance, some of the men I talked to who admitted that letting another male have sex with them sounded like a really good idea and simply because they were told never to do anything like that and that, sometimes, they were the one making the indecent proposal.  And while it didn’t matter whether or not the other guy was a friend, stranger, or family member, the thing that started fucking with their head was the conflict that arrived after the fact:  They just did something they were told never to do and they liked every moment of it.  In this, the morality that is hammered into us – the immovable object – collides with the irresistible force – they had illicit sex and the shit was good and now they’ve suffered some emotional damage because they were unable to resolve the conflict.  One guy told me that he took advantage of his drunken father and that he was genuinely obsessed with his dad after catching a glimpse of his father’s cock.  He said he waited until his father was quite drunk – and then (in his words) preyed on the man’s lack of inhibitions.  He said that fucking his father was better than he could have ever imagined until he had a chance later to think about what he’d done – and he was never really able to clear the conflict by justifying his actions.

At a high level, there’s so much fuss about what male bisexuality is, whether it really exists or not, and how it’s supposed to be acted up… but you don’t hear much in the way how some men became bisexuals because some of it is so socially and morally morbid that we don’t want to look at it; it’s easier to behave as if such thing never happen or, when they do, the outcome is always bad – and, yes, sometimes it is even worse than one can imagine because some men suffer such emotional trauma that they can never recover from it and, often, will end their lives; however, for those who like the idea of living, yes, being taken… or even getting in over their heads can fuck with a guy and not always in a positive way.

One guy told me how his older brother convinced him that their having sex was a good thing to do and he was, at first, very much against such a thing but eventually caved in.  He told me, “Man, it changed my life and in some pretty cool ways!”  And these positive and “cool” outcomes do, in fact, happen… except, again, it’s easier for us to insist that they never do or to act as if such things don’t really happen.  One of the things I took away from the many conversations I had about this was that there’s morality… and then there’s human nature and, specifically, lust – and these things are in such opposition and so much that many bi guys who have been taken can’t ever get rid of the guilt of it and that even when they are able to make sense of the situation, the guilt remains just under the surface and can even fuck with them even though that first moment of having been taken happened many years ago; it continues to insidiously fuck with almost every aspect of their lives and especially their relationships with women but, “oddly,” being bisexual is okay with them even though their initiation was, let’s say, less than stellar or according to Hoyle.

But there’s no standard for this, no rules of the road where man-on-man sex is concerned because it’s not supposed to be done.  Sure, some guys get initiated when they’re adults and it’s not always out of some romantic notion of “boy meets boy” nor can it always be blamed on the alcohol (or one’s intoxicant of choice); we shudder and try to turn a blind eye to the stories we hear about being in prison and even for “well-adjusted” bi guys like myself, the fear of going to prison and then being taken against our will is a powerful one.  Oh, sure – the law says that men who are incarcerated aren’t supposed to have sex with each other – they aren’t even allowed to masturbate… but we know the reality of it and the stark truth is enough to make a lot of us not ever want to wind up in prison because we fear being taken.  I’ve not talked to a single bi guy who isn’t afraid of being raped or otherwise coerced into sex in this setting… yet some guys do get introduced in this fashion.  Since this kind of sex isn’t supposed to happen in the first place, eh, we don’t talk about it; we say that there’s “no reason” why a brother would want to fuck his brother or be fucked, that there’s no reason why “Mr. Smith” next door would entice or coerce “Little Billy” into some form of man-to-man sex or, yeah, that our hypothetical Little Billy shouldn’t be able to prey upon the adult Mr. Smith… but it happens and it’s not because someone “doesn’t know any better” or has low morals or is unintelligent; sometimes, we just don’t want to admit that sex is a very powerful thing and that it’s not always directed at women like it’s “supposed” to be.

I’ve always been grateful and appreciative of what those men shared with me about their “sordid” bisexual beginnings; I’ve always felt that I can better understand myself by trying to understand what other guys have gone through, to see how they dealt with it then and now and, yes, being able to see the truth that being taken by a man – or even willingly giving yourself to one – happens despite all the rules and laws that says it’s not supposed to.  This writing isn’t about it being right or wrong – you draw you own conclusions if you care to:  I just felt like writing about something that no one wants to talk about when it comes to male bisexuals because it’s not always enough to know that we’re bisexual – sometimes, why we are is rather important, that method or situation that first put us on this path…

 
5 Comments

Posted by on 24 November 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

Tags: , , ,

5 responses to “Taken

  1. Ann St. Vincent

    24 November 2014 at 14:57

    I’m curious…of all the male bisexuals you know, is this the more common form of being introduced to it? Or is it a minority?

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      24 November 2014 at 15:25

      I honestly never tried to “quantify” it, Ann. See, a lot of the guys I talked to readily admitted to being bisexual and quite a few of them, at first, said that they tried it with a friend and liked it… but as the conversations got deeper, many of those same men admitted to have first been taken by someone. I got to understand that, okay, this happens and that a lot of guys try to make the memory disappear. I’ve heard so many tales of guys being introduced via incest, rape, and just plain old sexual curiosity (and raging hormones) and with the men I talked to, there were only a few – a minority – men who didn’t have an “unpleasant” introduction.

      Some guys I talked to actually initiated their own introduction but then that conflict I mentioned between morality and lust slams down on them; they maybe talked a brother or cousin or a friend into having sex, had some fun doing it (and maybe creating some damage in their partner-in-crime) but then realized, oh, shit, I wasn’t supposed to do that and now they’re having a major problem trying to justify not what they did but who they did it with, in those cases.

      A few of the men – and keep in mind that over all my years, I’ve talked to maybe a thousand men or more about this – were taken by force or coercion; they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and found themselves faced with a tough choice: Give it up or get your ass kicked and still get taken. By admission, some were badly traumatized by this while others were able to resolve it in their mind and they were able to settle on being bisexual as opposed to some men who wound up being prey and then “converted” to full homosexuality.

      Most were tormented, not only with whatever guilt they weren’t able to mitigate but now they have his… thing growing inside of them, a lust that has nothing to do with pussy; they don’t want it there but they also know it’s not going anywhere and some adjust… and others can’t. I wouldn’t dare say that the, ah, less palatable form of introduction is commonplace; I would say that I was able to see patterns emerging and what they told me that while some bi guys make a conscious decision to take that step, there are men who either had no choice in the matter and found themselves becoming prey… or they were the hunter looking to deal with their lust and if a relative, friend, neighbor, whoever, could be enticed to give it up, so much the better; some had no qualms about it while others developed qualms – hunter or prey not really relevant in this context – and I know that some guys were able to deal with it… and some guys still fought with the ghosts but are bisexual just the same.

      All I can easily say, based on my many “interviews” is that being introduced in this form isn’t as unusual as we’d like to think it is.

      Like

       
  2. disconcerted72

    24 November 2014 at 15:24

    Hmmm….well, I can say that I think anything imposed on another against their will is absolutely wrong. And I think the “modern” laws that protect people are not always unwarranted. I think taking advantage of someone who is not in the full use of their faculties is “rapey”. I do think there are situations where there is an imposition of sexuality on a person – i.e the nurture aspect of sexuality and I can also couple that with the fact that human beings can be animalistic in their sexual behaviors.

    Now, I think that most people of alternative sexualities almost need a natural aspect of it to reconcile it in their own minds – i.e. “It’s not my fault, if I’m attracted to the same gender”. Granted, having your psyche disturbed as a child means it’s not your fault either, but that means that the sexuality is still imposed from outside.

    I think there is some relevance to what you’re saying; and I do realize there are a lot of men that have been “raped into their bisexuality” (for lack of a better phrase), but I know there have been times when I felt taken advantage of and it wasn’t something I had true control over.

    As to the aspect of “being taken”, I think there is some aspect of control on the part of the man being taken – in other words, he has to agree to it for it to be ultimately enjoyable, I sould suspect. At least, I know the times I was really into the guy, I enjoyed it. Granted, there were times where I agreed to it, but wasn’t really into the guy and those times were not as enjoyable.

    I’m just thinking the things you mention here would bring up many, many, many more concerns for guys that are questioning their sexuality and have had been “raped”.

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      24 November 2014 at 15:59

      DC72, of course there’s the issue of right and wrong and the laws prohibiting such behavior are what they are… none of which changes the fact that it happens. Sometimes that same-sex attraction is just there and I don’t ever dispute this but it’s about how it’s acted upon; some guys “go” willingly… but some don’t. And, yes, some want to be taken, to give up that control but there’s that something inside their head screaming about how wrong it is to agree; some of the guys I talked to perplexed me; they didn’t, say, want their brother to do them and resisted being taken but rejoiced in being submitted into whatever act took place. I would ask myself, “Why would you strongly resist such a thing… but be tickled pink that you resisted and wound up being taken just the same?” At the time, it didn’t make sense – but I understand it better today.

      Now, I found it’s different when you’re into it and willing in a majority of times… but you found, at some point, that it wasn’t as much fun as you thought it would be – and I think a lot of us bi guys stumble into these situations but, at least in my mind, this is different from being preyed up or even preying upon someone. I personally know a few guys who got done by older brothers, either by coercion or by saying, “Hey, you wanna do something cool?” I know that, initially, they weren’t trying to hear it because brothers having sex with brothers just wasn’t ever to be done and, back in the day, had some very dire consequences if you got caught. Those who were taken by force (to be general about it) not only got done but found that over a period of time, eh, it wasn’t really all that bad… but the fact that they were taken initially just fucked with their head to some degree or another.

      DC, I have had guys ask me why they’re bisexual and the question cannot be answered without “digging” into their pasts and thoughts. Some just had that sense of liking both while others were made to be bisexual. Again, we could talk for days about the rightness or wrongness of such a thing and I wasn’t going to get into that with this writing… but I wanted to put it out there that, yes, it can happen like this and that the aftereffects can be varied, from acceptance of it all to lingering “guilt” but not so much that it affects them admitting that they’re biseuxal. A lot of them “figured it out” just as I did, that humans – and men in particular – will do anything for sex and if it suits their purpose, they’re not all that particular about whether men or women will suit said purpose. For me, it was rather chilling to gain this understanding about my fellow man – well, some of them, anyway; it reveals the reason why this kind of sex is prohibited and such a cultural taboo and I’ve felt that it is one’s ability to deal with this harsh truth that makes the difference in accepting one’s “sordid initiation” and not being able to.

      Hell, I can think of a whole lot of times I’d been taken advantage of and because of my great willingness to have this kind of sex and I don’t as much blame those guys as I do myself for having zero control over my desires to throw down with another guy. I eventually learned control, to be able to tell those who would take advantage of me to go straight to hell – and even punch their ticket if I had to. I was drugged and raped and while it would be easy to blame the guy for what he did, I saw that it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been so gullible and foolish enough to walk into his trap. True, I tried to kill him after the fact… but that’s not the point: The point is that some of us get introduced in some not-so-moral ways. We get fooled, tricked, cajoled and, yes, even threatened to give up our bodies for another man’s use and we either deal with it… or we don’t and, yeah, I often think about those men who can’t deal with, those guys who are bisexual but haven’t been able to put the ghosts of their initiation to rest within their minds. I feel they should be able to – but I know that’s just me and that the truth is very different.

      Like

       
    • kdaddy23

      24 November 2014 at 16:11

      Another though, DC, if I may? See, I know I was taken and that I got bribed into it but I’ve often wondered what he would have done if I hadn’t take the bribe; would he have forced himself on me and would I have seen all of this differently?

      As it turned out, I liked every moment of my being taken and I knew it was wrong. I knew other guys who were taken by similar means and my curiosity wanted to know why some of them had “issues” with it but I didn’t seem to have any – but those issues didn’t stop them from having sex with other guys or any girl who’d let them get some of that pussy.

      It took a lot of time but I began to find the answers and some of them just ain’t what I’d call pretty or nice…

      Like

       

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
Jenny's Swinger Party and Dating Advice 🎉

23 year old real estate agent & swinger 💋

Katya Evangeline

From Missionary to Sex Preacher and Loving It!

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

"Me."

All the things that make me, well "me."

CinnamonAndSparkles

If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sexual Adventures & Erotica of a Cougar

Tarnished Soul

Searching for Peace in a Tumultuous World

Temperature's Rising

It's getting hot in here...

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Madeline Harper

ReImagined

Bellaelena

Random thoughts from a random mind

Equal Anarchy

Equality, Gender, Feminism, Sexuality

Sensual Desires

Sensual Poetry

thewritingofpassage

Writing about recovery.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.

B0Y . LU5T

Coming to terms with being male, atheist, married, over 40, bisexual, kinky and blurring the lines of monogamy while living in a conservative "red state" .

afortnightaway

Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual

DateBisexual.net

ophisophia

The Wise Serpent

myarousal

Fetishes, Gender Issues, Sexual Politics, Erotic Memoirs

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

ann st vincent

My journey through marriage, open marriage, divorce, being a Mom, sexual rebirth, online dating, failed relationships, and lots of sex

The Conquest Files

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

More Is Merrier

Views on consensual non-monogamy

Brighton Bipolar

Adult Survivor of Child Abuse and Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder - Working towards ending the stigma of Mental Illness

The Cannabis Joint

All the information you could possibly want..... coming soon!

Assentively Yours

Ramblings of a depressed mind and other nuances.

Larry Archer's World (LarryArcher.com)

Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer

theopenwife

is there a path to a successful open marriage?

thesinofindia

The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl

The Bi-Love-Ed RESEARCHER

What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception

Kittykat-bitsandbobs

Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained

Roller Coaster Life of a Fat Girl

Highs and Lows of My Weight Loss Journey

smallpenisbigissues

when and why size matters

rouge

I write when the choice is to die if I don't

My SEXuality

Why am I afraid to tell you who I'am?

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

...because love just isn't enough ;)

%d bloggers like this: