I was looking at the email I get from the gay VOD (Videos On Demand) site this morning and the offerings depicted just kinda had me shaking my head. Now, when you see or hear the word “bisexual” the first thing that might come to one’s mind is the “sexual” part, which isn’t exactly unwarranted but it should always be noted that not all bisexual men engage in sex with other men and the reasons they don’t vary.
The offering today showed guys being trussed up like the turkey y’all had other other day, being fisted, the expected “dick in the butt” shot, and I thought that while there are a lot of bi men who don’t have a problem getting their freak on with another dude, man, it makes me wonder how many guys are willing to go the BDSM route in order to do it.
While it’s easy to think and/or assume that bi guys do a lot of cock sucking and ass fucking, we probably don’t give much thought to how this takes shape. In the the things I’ve read and the, ah, artistic depictions I’ve seen when it comes to man-on-man sex, it’s not always about romantic sex and I think that gay porn kinda puts the idea in our heads that it is, that and what I’d call “heterosexual projection,” that being that guys have sex with guys and in the same way they have sex with women. I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen like that – I’m just pointing out that it “usually” like that; I’m aware of encounters that run from “drop your pants and let’s get this thing going” to role playing (who’s your daddy?) to acts of BDSM and that whole D/s thing.
I don’t know about other bi guys but when it’s tie to get my freak on with another guy, romance is the last thing on my mind; I’m not of a mind to engage in role playing even though I have done it (but not as a matter of course), and once a guy wanted to handcuff me and I suggested that I could find a better use for his cuffs and something that had nothing to do with me shackling his wrists – homey just don’t play that shit. Now foreplay is something else and can be a lot of fun (as long as I don’t have to kiss the guy) but if there’s time for foreplay – and sometimes there isn’t, well, that can work rather nicely.
My thoughts went from the bi guys who have had the sex to those bi guys who have yet to take the plunge… and I was wondering what, if anything, is on their mind about getting their freak on for the first time. Like I said, it’s not totally about what two guys might do but how they go about doing it. Like, in conversations with some guys, this one guy told me that he hadn’t gotten laid like that yet because he couldn’t find a guy old enough to be his daddy so he could be bad and then punished. Another guy told me that he was still virgin in this area because no man he had approached for sex wanted to tie him up and then give him the business before really giving him the business; yet another guy related that he was still cherry because he couldn’t find a guy willing to “rape” him in a role-playing scenario.
One guy told me that he hadn’t taken the plunge because the men he had propositioned weren’t into kissing and cuddling; another said he kept getting rejections because no guy he hit on was interested in having sex with a man dressed up as a baby – and complete with diaper. I know that I turned down a guy for sex because he wanted to show up wearing a garter belt, nylons, high heels, and a sheer negligee. If I’ve learned anything about sex with men, it’s that they can be pretty freaky and I’ve often found it interesting to learn why and how they got to be that way and more so when they don’t display any of this behavior when they have sex with women.
One guy I slept with wanted me to bite him; another wanted me to spank him; yet another guy wanted me to call him “Charlotte”. One dude wanted me to keep him from sucking me; he said, “I can’t get off unless you struggle, okay?” While looking at him like he lost his fucking mind, I happened to ask him, “Do you make your woman do this?”
He said, “Oh, hell, naw – she told me to go fuck myself!” I replied, “That sounds like a good idea…” and, needless to say, he wasn’t very happy with me.
The guy I fell in love with got horny as hell by wrestling with me – and he wasn’t the first guy who wanted to tussle before getting down to business. One guy who wanted to wrestle first said, “I’m gonna make you cry uncle!” I laughed because he had no idea that I was a judo black belt and it didn’t take me long to make him submit; he didn’t like that and I kinda agreed with him – it didn’t turn me on more than it pissed me off. He was pissed as well and, as he tried to get the feeling back in his arm, he made it clear that he couldn’t have sex with a guy unless he could “defeat” him wrestling and declared that I cheated and wasn’t playing fair.
I know that some men get off by being able to dominate other men in some way – there’s probably some very interesting psychology that goes along with this; some men get off by being dominated and the more vigorous the domination is, the better it works for them. I’ve learned that some guys really and truly embrace the feminine role in sex and I’m not talking about the guys I call “true bottoms.” Imagine the look on my face when I’m in a motel room with a guy who was 6″4″, 245 pounds… and he said to me, “I want you to treat me like I’m your bitch – it really gets me off!” When I asked him what he meant by that, he told me that I had to talk extra dirty to him, slap him around – and then as hard as I could – and otherwise abuse him; he wasn’t pleased with me when I told him that I wasn’t gonna do that.
I was with a guy once and everything was going nicely and just as I was sliding my cock into his ass, he said, “Ooh, yeah, daddy – I’ve been bad and should be punished so fuck me real hard, daddy!” Again, you’d probably be able to appreciate the look I had on my face when I heard this as well as the rather deflating effect his statement had on me. I wound up asking him if he had daddy issues… and he said he didn’t – it was just the kind of thing that got him off the best. We were able to finish what we started – and without him calling me daddy.
I went to a guy’s home for sex and wound up backing out of the deal when he lead me to his BDSM “dungeon” and told me that he was gonna restrain me then put the whip to me. I told him that if he even tried it, he might not survive it and if he did, he would be spending a lot of time in the hospital. He said, “Oh, come on – this is how I like to get off!” As I drove away, I was a little rattled, not because I was scared but because I was in full fight mode and was ODing on adrenaline and it made me think – and seriously not for the first time – why some guys have to be so “extreme” in order to get their freak on. I did ask this guy, “Do you bring your wife in here for sex?”
He said, “No – I wouldn’t do that to her – it’s just for men – you sure you won’t change your mind?”
I learned that compared to a lot of men, I’m pretty fucking tame when it’s freak time…