Good question, huh? Now, I’m not gonna bore you with a shitload of terminology I’ve seen here and there that attempts to answer this question but I’d answer the question with one of my own: Do you think you might be? Okay, yeah, that probably doesn’t sound very helpful but before anyone can answer that question for you, you should know the answer already so asking it of someone is really confirming what you already know.
For some, the answer’s easy because they accept the definition of the word “bisexual” and say, “Okay, well, that fits the way I’m feeling/thinking (or close enough for government work)!” For some, eh, the answer only brings more questions that beg to be answered; either they cannot yet accept that they fit the general description or there are other things – religious belief, their sense of morality – that are causing some conflicts, i.e., there is that which you believe and then there’s what you know is going on inside of you.
There are those who believe that you have to do something – have the sex or be in a same-sex relationship – in order to know that you’re bisexual… but that determination starts in your head and by closely examining thoughts, feelings, and reactions and then trying to make sense of them. Like, you know you just love those crazy women… but there are some guys you can see and you have a reaction – it might be a physical or emotional one. One guy who asked me this question told me that he found himself “suddenly” having sexual dreams involving men and had asked, “Am I bi or gay or some shit like that?”
Well, no, not necessarily… but it could mean something and while I’m sure there are folks out there who would have interpreted his dreams as a sign of his sexuality, there are others who’d point out that a dream is just a dream, your subconscious actively trying to sort shit out in your head… which is why one must seriously question themselves and then figure out a way to find the answers. Some guys will have these thoughts and feelings and the only sure way to prove anything is to find another guy and have sex with him. I’m not saying it wouldn’t work… I just happen to know it doesn’t always work. There are a lot of guys who have felt this way, tried it, and found it not to their liking and some are kinda fucked up in the head over the whole thing. As with a lot of things, it’s one thing to think that you may be bisexual… and something very different when you attempt to verify your thoughts with actions.
So how do you know if you are or not? I think that every guy who is bi found their own ways of answering the question. Yes, some just know it; it’s as much of a certainty as the sun rising in the east. Others have to go through whatever process they can devise and usually short of having to find another dude willing to throw down with them but when all else fails, well, doing something can be quite telling. One may discover, and as a lot of bi guys I’ve known, that they don’t have any romantic feelings toward men but, yeah, buddy, that sexual thing? That’ll work! Still, I would say it’s important for a guy to know which part of being bisexual really applies to himself and not so much pay attention to the stereotypes and other misconceptions, like, you have to like men like you’d like women and the dreaded “You have to be in a same-sex relationship” nonsense.
If you think you’d just like the sex, fine; if you believe that your attraction to men runs deeper than that, this is okay, too – it’s okay to embrace one or the other or both if it suits you. I try to empress upon newbie guys that they should work to define what this means for them instead of letting “outside agencies” do the defining. If you’re opting for the sex, you just gotta know that you don’t have to do everything that two guys can do together; there’s nothing wrong with tailoring your desires for man-sex to your needs, like, if you think that oral sex is more your thing, then that’s the direction you go in. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with trying stuff – I’m just saying that if you think you’re bi, give a lot of thought about it because just like sex with women, you should be aware of the consequences of your actions.
Guys have asked, “Am I weird that I want a guy to blow me?” No, not really. I got to thinking, many years ago, about sexual experimentation and how, it seems, it isn’t limited to, ah, youthful exploration and more so since the guys asking me this question were all over the age of 21. I wouldn’t find it unusual for a guy who’s 43 to ask this question and, yeah, I’d get deeper into the subject to find out why he’s feeling this way and what he might want to do about it – I just believe this is so important because, usually, guys find the answers the hard way unless they can luck up and find someone willing to mentor them in this. Just going out and getting into a dick-sucking contest with a guy might work out fine… but it may not and more so when you really don’t know what you’re about to get yourself into.
It’s about what you’re thinking and feeling and, yeah, it’s about what, if anything, you might want to do about it. I know guys who have answered the question and they’re still cherry – they have zero carnal knowledge of another man yet they consider themselves to be quite bisexual, which emphasizes the “obvious” fact that you don’t have to have the sex to be bisexual. Now, I could get into that terminology I said I wasn’t going to get into and I could further bore you with gender-related issues… but I’m still not gonna do that. A lot of people debating the validity of bisexuality and trying to qualify/quantify it insist that it’s about the person and not so much because of their sex. Admittedly, it makes me roll my eyes because, duh, any time you engage with a person – even for sex – you consider the person first then give some thought about what they might bring to the table that’ll float your boat. I don’t as much try to denounce this kind of thinking as it makes me shake my head at those folks who try to shove aside their sexual desires in the same-sex mode, like it’s not all that big of a deal… and, yeah, if you’re not going to embrace the emotional side of bisexuality, guess which side is left to embrace?
But that’s my own opinion, taking us back full circle to me saying that if a guy is wondering if he’s bi or not, he’s got to determine this for himself and if he can get some help doing this, so much the better. I tell guys that, really, I might not be a lot of help because I never had to ask myself this question – I got that first dick in my mouth and I was hooked; trial and error – with a few trips to the library – taught me that, yep, I’m bisexual… but how I got there and how I got this all squared away in my head might not “work” for others trying to make the determination – we all don’t get to this place by the exact same way or for the exact same reasons.
Time to find something else to do…