Okay, this is a good one! We begin with the perception/stereotype that all men who have sex with men engage in anal sex and then apply the truth that, nope, this ain’t everyone’s cup of tea. I’m not going to get all into the safety aspects because they are what they are and given the risks today, doing this safely makes a lot of sense. Here’s what’s going on in my head about this…
Most people see this as a very nasty thing to do considering what comes out of that hole… which doesn’t mean there aren’t folks who find anal sex pleasurable from either side of the equation. As it applies to bi guys, the usual applies – some are into it, some aren’t and then there are those guys who have never done it either way but wonder what it’s like.
I know from my own experiences that it’s… interesting and a lot of that depends on the guy trying to shove his dick in your ass. Again, there are tips, tricks, procedures and techniques for doing this… but this ain’t a “how-to” kind of writing and the Internet could tell you more about this than I could (not that I don’t know them). I can go back to the first time I got fucked although, I’d say ‘technically’ the man never fully got into my ass but had enough of his knob in me that would make me say, yeah, he had it in me… a little. We all think about the pain and discomfort associated with this and anyone who has, at the least, stuck a finger in their butt can tell you how… interesting that feels. And if you think just having a finger in there, imagine what having a cock going in there feels like.
If you get fucked, you will find out what women know about what it feels like and, for newbies or any other bi guy thinking about trying it for the first time, please don’t use gay porn as a “real” example because (1) there are a lot of preparations that take place that aren’t seen on camera and (2) the guys being fucked are quite used to it and while it looks easy to get in there on the screen, well, try it yourself. All this aside, it can be pleasurable – I used to love being fucked and there’s just something about feeling a cock moving in and out of your ass that feels so good you can’t even really describe it other than to say, “It feels good!”
Do guys who want to have sex with other guys expect to fuck them in the ass? Off-hand, I’d say yes because there’s something about being able to fuck someone there; it can be as simple as “that’s the only hole other than a mouth that can be fucked” to more insidious motives like emasculating the guy being fucked and making him your bitch. Guys who fuck other guys have told me that they get off ‘dominating’ the other guy, that it gives their sense of masculinity a huge boost to fuck another man’s ass and some guys can be pretty “nasty” about it. We can get into the whole top and bottom thing and in this kind of sex between men, this is rather important and sets the “marching order” for this – tops do the fucking, bottoms get fucked. Versatile guys are an exception because it doesn’t matter to them if they’re pitching or catching as long as it happens.
But, just like swallowing sperm, it’s a choice to be made and it’s not one to be taken lightly. Someone once asked me what it felt like to be fucked and I likened it to getting a tattoo – no matter what someone might tell you, it’s gonna hurt. Personally, I was fucked a lot growing up and I know that it’s said that you get used to the initial discomfort… and I never really did because even with lube and being relaxed and all that, nah, I wouldn’t say that it feels good going in but once it’s in and you get adjusted, well, that’s different… and now it depends on the guy in your butt and his mindset as well as the size and shape of his cock.
Anal sex is terrifying to most and is one of those sexual things that you don’t have to do to know how “bad” it can be; a lot of people won’t even try it because they’ve heard through the grapevine how much it hurts and that’s outside of their thoughts about such things being filthy and nasty. Admittedly, that’s part of the allure of it, you know, doing the one sexual thing that is such a forbidden and taboo thing to do. And, yes, a lot of guys turn to other men for anal sex because not all women are fond of it; they’ve either heard the horror stories or have had bad experiences in this and, well, you know how people are: Once they have one bad experience, they just assume every experience is always going to be bad and once a woman gets that into her head, you can pretty much forget about getting your dick in her ass. But, yup, there are guys who don’t mind one bit and some live to feel a hard one in their ass so, yeah, if girlfriend ain’t gonna allow it…
For me, back in the day, anal sex was pretty much a given. Not exactly an expectation but, as I’ve said quite a few times, just a matter of course: If you fucked a guy in the butt, letting him fuck you was just the right thing to do. So if you didn’t like to be fucked in the butt, don’t even think about sticking your dick in there because if it’s not going to be “tit for tat” well, that’s just lame and makes you quite chickenshit. As I got older, that sense of “fairness” started going out of the closest window; there were guys who wanted me to fuck them but weren’t interested in fucking me (and no matter how much I wanted them to); likewise, there were guys who wanted to fuck me but wasn’t trying to hear being fucked in return and since I never saw this as being “fair” I’d avoid those guys like the plague and, really, a lot of those guys were assholes about it, if you’ll forgive the pun. Yep, I learned that fairness in this doesn’t mean a damned thing and that there are clear lines being drawn in the sexual sand and now instead of it being a mutually satisfying thing for both guys to do, eh, it can be anything but that (see what I did there?).
I’m not saying that bi guys should get into anal sex just because it can be done but I will say that until you try it, you’re not really gonna know if you’re gonna like it or not. I will say that I know there are guys who like using toys in their butt – and that’s fine and can go a long way in “training” your butt to take the real thing… but a toy isn’t the real thing that’s attached to a horny dude looking to bust that nut. If you’re thinking about giving a guy the business, well, it can get interesting because there are some guys who can be as hard as steel before the fact… but when they go to stick it in – oops! – who let the air out? It’s embarrassing not to be able to maintain an erection in that moment and I’ve never figured out why this happens; I’ve thought that something rumbling around in the back of the mind says, “Hey! You ain’t supposed to put that there!” and now you’ve got a limp noodle and a guy wondering why there’s no cock in his ass.
*Sigh* – another blog that has gone into the next day. So, picking up where I left off, while there are guys who (a) want to fuck another guy’s ass and (b) want to be fucked in the ass, it’s not always as easy as it appears to be. I’ve talked to guys who have told me that they’ve been fucked when they didn’t want to be and I’ve asked them, “Well, why did you allow it?” – and the answers have been interesting, from “I don’t know” to “He had it in me before I could say no!” to “I didn’t want to start a fight so it was easier to just let him do it.” It’s understandable, if not proper “etiquette” in that sense because there are just some guys who won’t take no for an answer when it comes to this – some guys just automatically assume that if you agree to have sex with them, they get to fuck you… but this is why you take the time to make sure that everything is understood before the fact. You can say no to anal sex… but you have the right to change your mind if you want to and, yeah, you can even change your mind in the middle of it if need be. See, if you get into this, you really get to understand why women are they way they are about sex at times…
I say again that if you’re a newbie and haven’t taken the plunge yet, you really want to do all the research into safe anal sex before doing it; don’t assume that it always has to be done and don’t assume that it’s always going to go swimmingly and, hell, no, don’t use gay porn as a primer for doing this!