Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Hype

05 Dec

If you’re not aware of the smear campaign currently in progress against all bisexuals, that may or may not be a good thing.  If you believe that ignorance is bliss and that what you don’t know can’t hurt you, then you could get blindsided by biphobia and that’s probably not gonna be a good thing.  One of the purposes of this writing today is to tell all of you who are bisexual that you should be aware of what’s being said… but don’t let any of it fuck with your head and get you second-guessing your sexuality.

For those of you who aren’t bisexual, my “words of wisdom” to you are that if you want to know about bisexuals, ask one; there seems to be a plethora of “experts” on bisexuals and bisexuality out there trying to tell everyone what it’s all about and while I never knock learning about a thing, some of these experts aren’t even bisexual and while they may have knowledge, they lack actual experience.  Oh, and if you do happen to ask a bisexual, try to have your mind open and set whatever stereotypes, misconceptions, and even biases you may have aside.

For quite some time (and as some of you know) I’ve sat here and read a lot of stuff being written about bisexuals and some of it by bisexuals and the hype surrounding bisexuality is, in a word, astounding.  I’m not saying all of it is a lie… but I am saying don’t believe everything you hear because biphobia not only seeks to minimize (or erase) bisexuality and bisexuals, it seeks to do it in a very general way by applying a blanket condemnation to the whole thing – if one is guilty of something, all are guilty.  Not only do they want to drop an old, moldy blanket on it, they keep the stereotypes alive as well as injecting a modicum of fear into anyone willing to buy into what they’re selling and the funny thing about this is that what they’re doing is about bisexuals and bisexuality… but it’s aimed at anyone who might get or be involved with a bisexual.  Those folks behind biphobia also seem to want all bisexuals to step out and be identified and I’d say that they’re asking for this mass coming out because it’s easier to attack something you can see than it is something you can’t.

Do you believe the hype?  Should you believe the hype?  Biphobia wants you to believe that all bisexuals are bad people; it takes some truths – and there are some, sad to say – and then sensationalize the fuck out of them, like all bisexuals are cheaters.  What they conveniently leave out is that anyone – and regardless to their sexuality – can potentially be a cheater; anyone can be incapable of maintaining a long-term relationship, just like anyone can be in denial about their sexuality.  Anyone can catch and/or spread an STD (even HIV/AIDS) and anyone, if they’re so inclined to be, can be sexually greedy. Anyone can be a heartbreaker when it comes to relationships, just like anyone can be depressed for damn near any reason, can contemplate suicide, and can be bold enough to do it.  Anyone can be irresponsible, thoughtless, crass, crude, and just the worst kind of asshole imaginable… but those folks behind the spread of biphobia would love for you to believe that bisexuals own these behaviors all by themselves.

If you listen to the hype, are you asking yourself an important sets of questions, like, um, what’s really going on here?  Why is this in play?  Who’s behind all of it?  What are the perceived gains in this?  Who stands to benefit from putting the fear of God into folks about bisexuals?  And the most important question:  Is this shit even necessary?  What I’ve seen in the stuff I’ve been reading is the LGBTQ(whatever) community is, in part, responsible for biphobia more than straight folks are.  For one, some seem to think that The Community is forgetting that the “B” in LGBTQ stands for bisexual and it isn’t really doing enough to promote a positive view about bisexuality and bisexuals – a lack of representation, I’ve seen it written.  For another, it’s being said that there are L and G factions who seem to be quite miffed that bisexuals don’t have to go through all the bullshit they’re being subjected to and, as such, have some sort of privilege gained by “acting” straight – and they’re not happy about this.  As I pointed out in yesterday’s rant about discrimination, I have been aware of homosexuals behaving as if they’re straight way before this “straight privilege” shit got started.

I’m not saying that they’re wrong for doing this because I know they started doing this to get themselves under the radar so that those folks who had some great hatred for homosexuals wouldn’t target them and do them all sorts of harm, just like I knew they were doing this to be able to get jobs and other important things in life that were being denied to those who were openly homosexual.  I even knew and heard of homosexuals getting married to heterosexuals and putting up the facade that they were straight… and they never were.  What I am suggesting, however, is that if there was some kind of straight privilege going on, um, some homosexuals way back in the day not only invented it but made use of it themselves.

Does any of this biphobia shit sound like sour grape bitching from some aspects of the gay community?  Yeah, it does and I’ve had reason to think it’s because even if they’re out, bisexuals don’t face the discrimination issues that still plague homosexuals today, albeit not as badly as it was when all of this came to my attention back in the day.  Young homosexuals are still being bullied, assaulted and even murdered just like back in the day and it’s not all that difficult to see that the gay community, as a whole, wouldn’t be happy about this – and no one should be happy about it.  And while there are people who aren’t fond of bisexuals because, in their minds, they’re really homosexuals in denial, it’s no secret that a lot of bisexuals escape persecution because no one knows that they’re bisexual.  Biphobia seeks to make “being in the closet” a fairly heinous thing for bisexuals to do… while failing to acknowledge that gays have been hiding in the closet for as long as bisexuals have and maybe longer.

All of this shit has some bisexuals questioning their sexuality; it has them believing that they have a “duty” to quantify, qualify, and validate their sexuality; if there’s this push for bisexuals to come out, stand up, and be counted, biphobia is making the opposite happen – people are even more unwilling to expose their sexuality to a world/society that is poised to jump on them like a pack of starving wolves.  Some have bought into the hype and have come out… and with disastrous results and now find themselves ostracized and reviled.  Family bonds have been strained or broken; friendships lost, relationships totally and utterly destroyed because the perceptions invoked by biphobia outweigh the truth, like the guy/gal who accuses their partner, who revealed themselves to be bisexual, of infidelity and even putting their lives at risk… and the newly exposed bisexual has never, ever, had the sex and has never been unfaithful in a relationship.

It has gotten so bad that there are some folks who behave as bisexuals but don’t want to say that they’re bisexual because biphobia has attached so much shame to being bisexual; I’ve seen people revising the dictionary definition of the word and, at least in my opinion, overly complicating what it means to be bisexual and, again, because of biphobia.  It makes me ask, “What is the purpose for all of this?”  It also firms up some things in my mind like being aware of what’s being said… but not letting any of what’s being said and/or done change my mind about being bisexual and, yeah, I even find a bit of humor in all of this because I’ve been bisexual longer than some of the people ranting negatively about it have been alive.  It gives me a bit of a unique position to see all of this taking place and knowing that, at one time, shit like this was solely aimed at homosexuals.  Sure, bi folks got the business for “going both ways,” being “switch hitters,” and “playing for both teams” but this biphobia thing, from my perspective, is something new or, really, more of a redirection of that angst against anyone who isn’t straight toward bisexuals and bisexuality.

They say bisexuality isn’t real and that bisexuals don’t exist and that anyone who says they’re bisexual are simply in denial about being homosexual.  Bisexual men are now the worse creatures imaginable and bisexual women, well, they’re just attention-seeking whores and glory hogs that are so desperate for a man that they will say and do anything to get one and that by acting as if they’re bisexual, yep, some guy is going to be highly interested in them.  Bisexuals have enough problems dealing with being bisexual without all this other shit being heaped upon them, right?  The thing that I’m understanding about all of this is that those who are actively promoting biphobia are really just wasting their time doing it because of something I feel is a fact of our existence:  There have always been bisexuals, there are bisexuals in existence now, and there will always be bisexuals so what’s the purpose of trying to get rid of something (or otherwise debunk it) that is a part of being human?

Do you know of the hype?  Are you buying into it and, as such, keeping the biphobia ball rolling by accepting all this negativity as fact?  Should you buy into it?  I’m bisexual… and I ain’t buying any of it.  None of us are perfect nor will any of us ever be… but we’re not the scary monster hiding in the closet that we’re being made out to be.  Some very well could be… but it’s not all of us who are bisexual or think we may be.


Posted by on 5 December 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , , ,

4 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Hype

  1. disconcerted72

    5 December 2014 at 22:50

    Obviously I tend to agree with a great deal of what you say here, but I also think that there is some empowerment for a bisexual to be able to “…quantify, qualify, and validate their sexuality…”. Granted, I realize your point was that the act you’re discussing means they are giving credit to the naysayers, but there is something rewarding for some to take a stand and be vocally supportive of their bisexuality.

    But then there are people, like myself, that take comfort in knowing they have enjoyed the pleasures of both men and women, have chosen to be monogamous, and remain quiet about their sexuality. It all boils down to a choice of how one wants to live his or her life.

    Interesting post.


    • kdaddy23

      5 December 2014 at 23:09

      There is empowerment… but do you want to do it own your own terms or would you prefer to do it on theirs and paint a target on you?

      I ask why the push for bisexuals to come out when there are many of us quite happy not being out and more so when it seems – and I emphasize seems – that the LGBT community, whose mandate is to help, is part of the problem – and this is more of the hype that we should be aware of but not buy any stock in.

      Liked by 1 person

      • disconcerted72

        5 December 2014 at 23:12

        Oh, I agree with your point. But at the same time, I think there are those that are dying to be able to be open and feel safe doing it.


      • kdaddy23

        5 December 2014 at 23:18

        SAFE is the operative word but with all the bullshit being flung around against bisexuals who’d feel safe? My thoughts – and they’re only my thoughts – are that if you don’t buy into the phobia it can’t fuck with you if don’t believe that it’s all true about all bisexuals.

        Liked by 1 person


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