That you’re even seeing this confirms that I’ve changed my mind about writing about bisexuality. As I poured over some blogs written by others, I realized that as far as I can tell, there aren’t that many male bloggers who are writing about bisexuality but there are a lot of women writing about it and, damn, us bi guys need to have a presence in the blogosphere. While reading an academic kinda of writing about bisexuality, I realized that, damn, we need some “plain language” stuff out there to be read because the readability of such things, while informative, is quite high and might be confusing for those who need such informative things so that they can better understand themselves.
Like, I was thinking about what Ellen said, in a comment she made yesterday, about experiences and, yeah, I’ve had my share of them to date. I thought that, yes, experiences can go a long way in helping a bisexual come to grips with their sexuality and that experiences don’t always come in the form of sex; not everyone can bring themselves to experience the sex or aren’t in a position/situation to have the sex even though they’d very much like to. The lack of sexual encounters doesn’t mean one cannot gain experience even if it’s vicariously by other means – and learning is, in itself, an experience.
After I wrote and published “The End of the Road?” something had me thinking about those things bi guys and women have in common and some of them were pretty salacious since they were about things sexual (what else is new, right?). I was thinking that there are a lot of people who might not really understand why a guy like me would want to have sex with another guy, given how taboo and “dirty” it alleged to be. I thought that women, in particular, would be very familiar with that desire to have sex with her man (or any man who passes muster with her), thinking about his cock, how it would look, how it would feel in her hand, her mouth, and whatever orifice she enjoys to have a dick inserted into – and I thought, yep, bi guys have this in common with women because we can have similar thoughts that lead to excitement and, hopefully, to sexual gratification.
I thought about being back in the day when chat rooms were all the rage and all those times I’d sit and watch men and women interacting with each other in a cyber mode, not always cybersex, but flirting with each other so heavily that, yeah, they should meet, get a room, and do it for real. I’d see women doing this with women right out in the “open” while guys looking to flirt with other guys (or solicit them for sex) were not so overt about things, preferring to hit another guy with a private chat and get verbally jiggy. I learned – because I can be nosy like that – that a lot of the men and women who were doing some same-sex flirting and/or cybersex had never, actually, had a sexual experience… but they have imagination and a measure of creativity they can bring to the table and that does count toward their bisexual leanings. I had many guys engage me in such a fashion and, okay, I’ll play the game with you and we’d try to outdo each other when it came to talking dirty or otherwise expressing man-related sexual desires and, well, it was interesting and more so when the other guy revealed or otherwise confessed that he was masturbating during the whole conversation and that he now had a big mess to clean up.
Not exactly a sexual encounter, but I found that these things do count toward experience because you had to be able to talk the talk and in an environment where walking the walk wasn’t necessary… or even required. Those early chat room evolved into “dating” sites and the focus shifted from cybersex to actively seeking sexual encounters although the folks who could talk the talk weren’t always willing or able to walk the walk. I don’t know about anyone else but I found that the pursuit of actual sexual experiences greatly outweighed the pursuit of non-sexual experiences, i.e., those folks who were more about the same sex affinity than they were getting their cookies crumbled and if you were more of a mind to discuss being bisexual, you were seen – at least on the male sites – to be a punk-assed bitch, lacking manliness, and other derogatory things because you didn’t want to have the sex or otherwise were unable to indulge in it.
I even go to thinking about how bisexuals are portrayed in porn, which is way easier for people to get their hands on than real-life data/information; I found myself laughing a little because porn doesn’t get it right – not as I understand it, anyway, because not all of us bi guys ever get to have sex with a woman in the mix which, by the way, can be fun but doesn’t always go as smoothly as porn would portray – and we won’t get into how I know this, right? I thought that there are certain “romance” novels out there that don’t get being bisexual exactly right either. Oh, such writings can be quite steamy but, seriously, not all bisexual men are bisexual for the romantic aspects and are, kinda understandably, more interested in the lusty aspects than anything else.
I was made to remember that this blog is, in fact, about what’s in my head at any given moment in time and, um, being bisexual is pretty much always on my mind at any given moment in time so for me to just stop writing about what’s in my head kinda defeats the purpose and “mission statement” for this blog. I was made to remember that, by and large, there are a lot of people who don’t understand bisexuals (or don’t want to) and they have a reason to be able to understand it and that if I just up and stop providing my perspective on what it’s like to be a male bisexual, then I’m not doing anything toward a better understanding of the male bisexual mind, even if it’s just from my own point of view. Why is this important? As I’ve said before, I had to deal with my bisexuality the hard way, without “good” information, without mentoring, without a “community” dedicated to helping bisexuals be bisexual – and I did it pretty much on my own and, yep, via trial and error – and I know there are other male bisexuals out there trying to get a grip on this thing they have going on and by providing my points of view, I’m passing on what I’ve learned about being bisexual to others because, who knows, it just might help someone with their struggle to embrace their sexuality and own it without one ounce of shame – and no matter what the fuck the biphobics have to say about it.
As I just told someone, I grew up being bisexual in a time period where gays were so reviled it wasn’t funny and that the social focus was on eradicating homosexuality so much that any bisexuals who existed at that time fell off their radar and went unnoticed for the most part. I know that, back then, even I wasn’t all that forthcoming about being bisexual because I saw the “danger” in being tagged as being gay and then getting deal with in some pretty violent ways. It wasn’t that we – bisexuals – were thought not to exist; society just didn’t pay much attention to us and even when they did, well, you can probably see how they’d think that we were really gay but in great denial and since that seemed to be the mindset, nah, we weren’t worth paying much attention to, not like the gigantic fucking target gays had painted on them. We jump ahead to today and biphobia is now running rampant and the existence of bisexuality is being called into question and in some pretty fucked up ways, I might add, and, well, ah, man, someone has to speak up against this and to let other bisexuals know, both male and female, that this is really something “new” because rabid biphobia didn’t exist in the form seen today and that the bullshit biphobia is flinging is just that – bullshit. I could, if I chose to, get highly psychological and technical about bisexuality but that’s not the “best” way to get others to understand bisexuality and you know what I’ve been saying: If you want to know about bisexuality, ask a bisexual. I’d rather give the information “raw and uncut” and from a more personal point of view than to be all theoretical about it – philosophical, sure, but not theoretical and definitely not from a heterocentric point of view… because I’m not heterosexual any more than I am homosexual.
I’d rather just tell ya what’s on my mind about being bisexual, how I see it, how I learned to own it and, yeah, sometimes, the problems I’ve had to deal with because I’m bisexual, from the sex to being in a relationship. So, okay, the beat goes on because it has to… and I do invite anyone who has something to say/ask that they don’t want to say/ask publicly to email me if they want to.