When people think of bisexuals (and if they think about them at all), they think about the sexual part of the deal and, well, sex – any kind of sex – can be problematic and in many ways. The part they don’t readily see is the resolve a bisexual must develop because bisexuality ain’t just a thing to do. This is beyond acceptance of one’s sexuality; it’s not easy for someone to admit to themselves that they’re bisexual so resolve is about answering an all-important question:
It’s not as simple as saying, “This is the way I want to be!” and just letting it go at that. No, one must resolve themselves to answer the above-mentioned question and decide how bisexuality is going to (a) be incorporated into their life and (b) what shape any action is going to take. Bisexuality just doesn’t take care of itself – it has to be managed and even controlled and more so if one decides to go forward to the proof of concept and partake of some same-sex action. One of the stereotypes that hangs around our necks like an albatross is our alleged promiscuity and the thought that we will fuck anything that’s above ambient temperature… and that’s not the whole truth because even those bisexuals who are sexually active aren’t involved in wholesale bone-jumping. Oh, yeah, I ain’t gonna lie to you: Once you get the taste and feel of the sex, whoo, it can be “kid in a candy store” time… but before one even gets to that point in their bisexual development, they must resolve themselves to do it in the first place (or keep doing it if the cart really did come before the horse).
I know way back in my own development, I asked myself a few questions that took some resolve to answer: What am I gonna do? How am I gonna do it? When am I gonna do it? Do I want to keep doing it? The list of questions I formed in my mind was quite long but I learned that once you get past the “kid in a candy store” phase of things, one must resolve themselves to be more disciplined, more discerning and, of course, careful; you need a plan in place on how you’re gonna deal with being bisexual and that plan includes things that have nothing to do with the sex.
I’ve run across so many people who have told me, “I don’t know what to do about the way I’m feeling!” and my first question to them usually is, “What do you want to do about it?” I’ve even pointed out that the best thing for them to do about it is nothing at all, depending on their situation; suggesting that they do nothing, at first, doesn’t make sense to them and I get it – when you’re feeling these things, you are pretty much compelled to do something about it and it’s a motherfucker to have this compulsion when, morally and even legally, ya might not be able to do anything unless, of course, you’re willing to trash friendships and other relationships in order to scratch that itch. To keep things above-board, one must have resolve; they must be able to see the big picture and understand that everything has consequences and not all of those are good. One must ask themselves, “What am I willing to risk in order to do something about the way I’m feeling?”
Now, a lot of “bisexual activities” are opportunistic ones – being in the right place at the right time and with the right person; some folks have a plan to be on the hunt for someone they can get busy with or even “advertise” that they’re willing, able, and available for some same-sex interactions. Again, one must resolve themselves to have a plan in place to deal with these things; you never know when opportunity will come knocking… but you should know that it just might and usually when you least expect it. Any of this is what makes me “advise” that one should think first… then act, if they must because it’s so fucking easy to be impulsive in this – and, believe me, I know this all too well and I’m fortunate to have never gotten my head handed to me for being so impulsive.
One must resolve themselves to think… and that’s something that some bisexuals I know don’t bother with – they know they’re bisexual but don’t give much thought about how being bisexual might impact their lives or, for some, believing that being bi doesn’t make a difference and won’t have any impact… until it does and now they’re up to their eyes in alligators while trying to drain the swamp they should have been aware of but choose to ignore it. One guy I know was flustered and all bent out of shape because opportunity knocked and he had sex with another guy and now he had no idea how he was going to deal with it. He told me how it all went down and even I thought, “Shit, I wouldn’t have done that…” and when he finished his tale, I asked him, “Dude, what were you thinking about?” He wasn’t thinking, obviously, but what I found to be worse was that he never thought about thinking and, at least for me, confirmed that one must resolve themselves to be aware of what’s going on with them in this and to not just shunt it aside as if it’s no big deal – because you never know when it will become a big deal.
Resolve is about self-management and being aware of the possibilities and alternatives – and there are always possibilities and alternatives. Resolve is about sticking to the plan you’ve managed to develop and then understanding that no plan is infallible and that one should never say never. It’s about dealing with yourself in the best ways possible and one’s successes in this are only going to be as good as their resolve is strong. One must resolve themselves to not let their bisexuality frustrate or depress them and as many bisexuals can tell you, this is far from easy to get a grip on.
Acceptance is important but having the resolve to deal with your bisexuality is even more important; you must resolve to deal with it in whatever ways are available to you and not let anyone define your sexuality for you because if you do, you’re being their idea of a bisexual and not your own idea and, yeah, that includes people who’d dare to tell you that you’re not bisexual or that you shouldn’t be or that you cannot be bisexual. Finally, in these days and times, one must resolve to not let biphobia and its accompanying bullshit fuck with them and make them fearful.
Just a few stray thoughts on this that came to mind…