Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Better or Not?

I just read some bi-bashing comments on another blog where the commenter claims that bisexual men believe themselves to be superior to gay men… and people are wondering where all this biphobia is coming from?  So let’s get into some brass tacks here… KDaddy style, of course!

Does the fact that I can go both ways make me superior to a gay man?  Uh…, nope.  Sure, I can do something that he couldn’t or wouldn’t do – enjoy a great deal of intimacy with a woman (and including some hot, spicy coochie!)… but that doesn’t make me superior… it just highlights some differences between being bisexual and homosexual.  I’ve never heard a bi guy utter such nonsense and if one has said that he’s better than a particular gay man, it wasn’t their sexuality that made them better or superior.

So what is this shit all about?  Is there some reason why there might be some gay men who are feeling inferior when held up against a bisexual man?  I wouldn’t doubt it – like I’ve been saying, one of the biggest sources of biphobia is coming straight out of the gay community.  If anything – and depending on how you’d care to look at it – a lot of gays are touting the fact that they’re superior to bisexuals and all because they’re not sitting on the sexuality fence; some are quite smug with their ability to be homosexually monosexual as well as giving one the impression that homosexuals are immune to things like cheating and other issues that people, in general, have to endure when dealing with others on an intimate level.

And none of this, in my opinion, doesn’t make anyone superior – it just makes us different… then again, we are all to aware of those folks who have issues with people who are not like them – if you’re not with us, you’re against us and since you’re not one of us, you are inferior to us.  I’ve had conversations with gay men who have told me that being gay is the best way for a man to be; some have been bold enough to tell me that, as a bisexual who’s mostly involved with women, I don’t know what I’m missing… and I don’t know how they figure that since, um, I know my way around a dick just as well as they do.  They are often quick to point out the difficulties about being bisexual and I’ve asked them just how the fuck do they know if they’ve never been bisexual?

Ah, I just love wiping that smug look off of their faces!  I get that gay men have a great deal of pride in being gay – I take a great deal of pride being bisexual (as if y’all didn’t know that already, right?) but that pride doesn’t make me superior in that “I’m better than you!” sense… nor does it make me inferior.  If anything matters in this, it’s whether or not one is a better person or not – it’s not whether one is gay or bi but how they carry themselves, how they represent themselves to others, that being “better” might come into play and, you betcha, I know some pretty crappy bisexual and gay men when you look at the quality of their personalities and behaviors  – they’re just some fucked up individuals.

Just because I can eat pussy and suck dick doesn’t make me superior – it just makes me different from anyone who chooses not to go in this direction when it comes to their emotional and physical satisfaction.  Still, with all the damned biphobia going around, that someone would say some shit like this really doesn’t surprise me and it makes me ask a question that I asked a little while ago:

What are you afraid of?  There are gay men who refuse to ever get involved with a bi man and because a bi guy isn’t going to commit to just being gay, along with all that other shit they say about us being flighty and all that; they feel as if engaging with a bi man is beneath them, just like there are gay men who see bi guys as being useless… until they wanna fuck, of course – then we’re the cat’s meow, huh?  Some of the have the mindset that fucking a bi guy is the “next best thing” to fucking another gay guy and I’ve been around gay men who have expressed this and I’ve asked them what makes us – bi guys – different from them when, duh, we’re both men?  You should see the looks on their faces and their inability to answer the question or, rarely, if they can, it’s to express how being gay is superior to being a poor, sexuality confused, bisexual man.

Hmm… ya didn’t think I was so inferior when I had my dick in your ass and had you begging for Jesus to help you, did ya?  Just saying.

I don’t know how this stupid shit got started but we need to put an end to it.  It’s conceivable that I can be the “better man” when held up against some gay men… but it’s not my sexuality that makes me better or superior in any way:  It would be the whole person I am, not just one aspect of me.  It’s intellect, sense of purpose, being as squared away as possible so that one can move through their life with the minimum of difficulties.  My sexuality does not make me feel superior to anyone of any sexuality – it just makes me different, just as I’m different from other bi guys even though we have a lot in common with each other.  It seems that, as a species, we just cannot get past the behavior that says being different equates to being inferior.  We see this behavior when it comes to religion, race, being male or female… and it just stands to reason that sexuality becomes included as well.  That there are straight folks who are bi- or homophobic because they firmly and seriously believe that being straight is the only way to be so, yeah, one can expect them to say that they’re superior to anyone who isn’t straight (not that this is true, mind you)… but when you hear gay folks spouting this rubbish, I don’t know, it just makes me ask, “What the fuck?” because we – bisexuals – are just as different from heterosexuals as they are… and the only difference is that we can be heterosexual… and homosexuals choose not to be.

Doesn’t make us superior or inferior:  It just makes us different.

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Some additional thoughts on this.  It occurred to me that there might be some sense of “moral superiority” going on here, that there are gay men who feel that we’re pissing in their faces because we can be straight when we need to be and, as such, don’t have to face the shit storm homosexuals have had to endure for as long as I can remember.  Being bisexual means that, morally, I’m not exactly playing by the established rules – and gay men aren’t playing by them either… but I see no sense of moral superiority going on here because according to the status quo, we’re about as immoral as anything can be.

Again… doesn’t make me (or any other bi guy) superior to a gay man and because of some perceived moral high ground – it still just makes us different.  We know the rules of morality and just like homosexual men, we bend them and/or break them as we see fit and you’d think that the gays who are bashing us would see that while we are different from them, we do, in fact, have a lot in common other than the obvious fact that we like men and in whatever way we do.  That we also like women doesn’t give us any superiority that I’m aware of – it just fucking makes us different.

This inability to appreciate the diversity of sexuality is disturbing.  It goes without saying that being straight, bi, or gay has its good and bad points – but what things in life doesn’t have good and bad points?  And the fucked up thing is that those good and bad things are pretty damned universal in that sense:  If you’re looking to be involved with another human being romantically and/or sexually, yep, there are good things in this and there are some pretty fucked up things about this; sexuality will stir up the muck even further – that morality thing again – and while the good things are still good, the bad things can be even worse – but that’s life and just the way it goes in any of this.

Doesn’t make anyone superior; no one really has the moral high ground because, yeah, straight folks can be morally bankrupt as well but it’s not all straight people.  It, once again, just makes us different and, if you wanna go there, we are, in fact the same… but not really because it’s not what we do – it’s how we go about doing it that’s different.  I know I’m ranting like a madman but sometimes I just don’t fucking get it:  How is it that I can see and understand this and let this knowledge temper, minimize, and even eliminate any biases I might have re bi versus gay… but there are so many other people who just don’t fucking get it?

I think being bisexual is fantastic; I do have my share of pet peeves regarding sexuality; I do not, however, feel that any of this makes me superior or inferior to anyone else.  Yes, I am good at being bisexual, just as I’m not-so-good at being bisexual so, there’s no fucking way that I’m “perfect” in any of this, let alone superior to anyone who can’t do what I can do… but it doesn’t make me inferior, either.

It.

Just.

Makes

Me.

Different.

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