One of the questions I’ve been asked by guys looking to have their first same-sex experience is, “How do I know I’m gonna like it?” It might not seem like a valid question and it might even seem like a silly one but, truth be told, one can think (or make themselves believe) that they’re gonna like, say, giving/getting head but until they actually give it a shot, what they’re thinking might not match what they’d experience.
One guy I talked to told me how he read up on homosexual sex, from its origins to current things and I’d have to say that the way he developed his theories on whether or not he was going to like this or that was rather impressive. He even said that he had it in his head that (a) he could do the things he found interesting and (b) he was going to like them… until he told me how he found out otherwise. Now, he said that finding that his thoughts and what he experienced didn’t dissuade him from exploring his bisexuality… but he said it was one hell of a wake-up call.
“It’s really not as easy as it looks,” he admitted.
To me, it was yet another example of how and why thinking and doing aren’t always the same thing. Another guy was talking to me about swallowing sperm and acquiring the taste; he told me that he had read some stuff that would help him deal with how to swallow and how to deal with consistency of sperm and even how taste can vary due to diet, medication, overall health, and other related things. He told me that he’d finally gotten up the courage to suck a guy off, he was pretty hyped to swallow for the first time… right up until the guy he was sucking unloaded for him.
“Man, I threw up all over him – I couldn’t help it! It just felt and tasted so different from what I was expecting!”
I really tried not to laugh – I really did. I said, “Yeah, well, I’m not surprised you had that, uh, reaction; even as much as I’ve sucked guys off, there have been times when I wanted to throw up on the dude!”
There’s perception… then there’s the truth, right?
Yet another guy was talking to me about being fucked; he allowed that he’d done a lot of cock sucking and even swallowing but was looking to take that next step. He asked me what it was like and I did my best to tell him what it was like for me, along with the caveat that his experience, if and when he got around to having it, could be very different. He had told me that he read up on it and even watched some porn, both gay and straight, to see how it was being done and while I didn’t particularly find any fault in this, I told him that when you’re watching porn, it tends to make it look easier than it really is. Well, I saw him like two weeks later… and I could tell by the look on his face as he walked toward me that his first experience with being fucked didn’t go as well as he had thought.
“That shit hurt like a motherfucker!” he said as we sat down to talk. “And it hurt even though I did all the shit to get ready for it!”
All I could do was smile and nod my head. Then he asked, “Does it ever get easier?”
“Yeah, it does, depending on how much you do it… but that depends on a lot of shit, ya know?” I answered. “Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten used to that first moment of penetration ’cause depending on how the guy is sticking it in, it still feels pretty uncomfortable and if he rams it in too fast, it makes me want to throw up.”
“I didn’t feel like throwing up but, shit, it felt like he was putting a phone pole in my ass!” he said, shaking his head. “I mean, after a few, it started to feel good… but, damn!”
All I could say was, “Yeah, I know…”
Another guy was telling me that he talked to someone else about sucking dick and, I dunno, I guess he took whatever advice he received as being the gospel, only to find out that the information he got wasn’t even close to what actually happened. He asked, “What the fuck happened?”
I told him that while it’s good to talk to someone who’s had some experience (or, really, a lot of experience), you just can’t take their experience and assume that it’s going to work for you as well when it’s your first time doing something like that. I allowed that, yeah, some guys do it the first time and it’s like they’ve been doing it all their life while some guys have to be talked through doing it.
“What would you have told me?” he asked.
“I would have told you to take your time and do it the way you’d want your dick sucked and I would have told you to not try to do too much at one time, like trying to deep throat the guy because that takes practice as well as overriding your gag reflex,” I said after a moment of thought. “I mean, if you do it enough, you’ll eventually learn some shit about it and you adjust the way you do it based on what you learn from other experiences.”
“Was it easy for you?” he asked.
“No, not really,” I said. “I was a young guy dealing with a grown-up dick so, no, it wasn’t easy for me that first time but after I got used to sucking dicks, it kinda got easier.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“It depends on the guy you’re sucking, the size of his dick, sure, but it’s about knowing what you want to do but finding out what he’s gonna do when you have his dick in your mouth; some guys make it easy to blow them, some guys don’t.”
“How do you deal with that shit?”
“You just do and I’d have to say it depends on how much you like sucking dick,” I replied.
Sometimes you can figure out whether or not you’re gonna like something (or be able to do something) without having done it and using information from other sources… but sometimes, you’re just not going to know until you actually do it… and sometimes more than once. Some folks say, with a great deal of certainty, that they know they’re not gonna like something and that they don’t have to do it to know they wouldn’t like it and if that works for them, okay – no sense of debating the issue unless your curiosity wants to know just how they’d know this – interesting thought processes about this and maybe one day I’ll say a few words about that.