I’m in a writing mood so after writing my 1,105th post, ah, fuck it – here’s the 1,105th one! Now, I’ve allowed that I’ve been awakened in sexual ways by guys who I didn’t think would even do something like that. What’s been equally surprising have been some of the conversations that took place the next day – but nothing happened other than sleep during the night.
I’ve had a few guys confess that as they lay next to me, they wanted to have sex but were afraid to initiate anything. One guy “came out of the blue” and asked me, “Would you think it was weird if I told you I wanted to do something with you?” Yep, it was surprising to me because up to that point, um, I wasn’t aware that homey was like that and, yes, I had to learn not to react to such, ah, admissions in a negative way so a lot of times when asked this question – or any form of it – I’d usually respond by saying, “No, I wouldn’t think it was weird… but why did you want to?”
Some have replied and admitted to being curious about what it’s like to have sex with another guy; some have been caught in that moment where they can’t really explain why the thought crossed their mind. Some have said that they had a feeling that I wouldn’t mind but, again, didn’t want to risk something bad happening if they tried something or asked for something to happen… and, sure, some have answered by saying, “I don’t really know why…”
Sometimes I’ve let them know that if they had, eh, I wouldn’t have minded; sometimes, I allow them to assume that I would have minded, something that seems to be “wrong” but, eh, it’s one of those situational things, like, it wouldn’t be in my best interest or his to let him know that we could have done whatever he had in mind at that moment. I’ve sat and listened to them explain – when they can – what was going on in their minds at that moment and sometimes in such detail that, um, it’s gotten me harder than rock and I’m not the only one sporting a boner, either. I’ve seen them going through an internal struggle with their admission or, ah, hypothetical question; it’s as if they’re aware of what they wanted to do… but they’re also trying to figure out for themselves why they wanted to do it and more so if they were never inclined to do such a thing in the past.
One guy asked me why he would want to do something he’s never thought of doing before or was otherwise against such things… and, honestly, I’ve never been able to come up with an answer that makes sense to me, let alone make sense to him. Sure, it can be “blamed” on latency or just being so horny that, as I said in number 1,105, any old port in a storm would do. One guy told me that he woke up and saw that I was hard and that my erection fascinated him and, again, for some reason that didn’t make sense. One guy told me that he realized that I had a nice ass and that observation led to him wondering what it would be like to touch and, yes, fuck me in the ass… but “common sense” told him that, nah, that probably wouldn’t be a good thing to do.
I’ve sometimes found myself wondering which thing I should believe: This straight guy telling me that he’d never do what he was thinking about doing… or the erection that’s threatening to put a major hole in his pants?
Once I’d tell a guy I wouldn’t think it was weird that he had that on his mind, I’ve had some ask me, “Well, what would you have done if you realized that, um, I was playing with your dick?” And, often, I’ve seen them get that, “Fuck! I blew it!” look on their face when I tell them that I wouldn’t have done anything except let him keep playing with my dick and then see what would happen after that. And I don’t know which thing surprised them the most: The fact that I wouldn’t have objected… or the fact that they know now that they missed an opportunity? One guy did say, “Shit, if I had known that, I would have went ahead and did it (and “it” being whatever he had on his mind at the time)!” Only a rare few have said, “Well, if you’re not gonna mind, um, can we do it?”
It begs the question, in this situation, whether they’re really bisexual, horribly curious, or just horny to the point where any old port in a storm will do? It plays into a question I’ve always pondered about guys who will throw down like this but continue to insist that they’re straight. Maybe they’re in denial about not being as straight as they believe themselves to be… or maybe they’re surprisingly open-minded and, to them, it’s really just sex… but sex without the labels we tend to apply to it? I know that in these situations – and unless I know that he’s lying like a rug about it – all I can do is accept what they say about asking me such an “unusual” question. Sure, I could ask a gazillion questions in an attempt to get at the real motivation… but what’s the point? If he can’t explain it – and most guys I’ve had this experience with can’t explain it – can I say that he’s lying or otherwise in denial about being something other than straight?
Yeah, I found these things to be beyond interesting and I’ve heard so many explanations – or attempts to explain – that I’d find myself dropping the questions in my mind and kinda chalking it up to just one of those things that happens sometimes. It’s bad enough that the guy’s already embarrassed just by putting that hypothetical question out there and unless the devil hopped onto my shoulders and enticed me to fuck with him about it, nah, there’s no reason to make him any more uncomfortable about it. It’s flattering and sometimes I’ve found myself wishing that he had acted on what he had been thinking and, uh-huh, sometimes I’ve been quite happy that he didn’t… but what in the hell would make a straight guy think of this in the first place?
Latency? Curiosity? Just plain old horniness? My friends, I don’t have any definitive answers and I suspect I will never have any… but it’s still interesting!